Tag Archives: think I could pass for drew breed

How Drew Brees is going to earn me some serious cash money!


Let’s get right to the point. I recently mentioned one of my big goals for 2014 is income. And just look what fell into my lap today! A GOLDEN opportunity. Thank you, Craigslist. And thank you, Drew Brees, because you and your likeness are going to score me $500 this month. Check it out.

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The Details

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HEIGHT

Drew = 6′ AND Me = 5′ 4″. Not a problem with the right footwear. I need to start Googling “platform cleats.”

WEIGHT

Drew = 209 lbs. AND Me = Up-yours-it’s-right-after-holiday-season. Let’s just say he’s got about 8o to 90 lbs. on me. So I’ll either wear padding or start eating. (The latter seems much more likely.)

ATTIRE

My son already has a #9 jersey but do I have to wear those stupid football pants? Never mind. You know what? I’m fully committed. But if I have to wear ass-huggers, I’m going with the black.

HAIR

We both have brown hair, which is good, but mine still has traces of red Kool-Aid in it. Plus our styles are nothing alike. But can’t I just wear a helmet? Yep. Problem solved.

BIRTHMARK

You guys don’t think I’d overlook this important detail, do you? It’s his calling card, for Pete’s sake. A little strategic make-up should do the trick.


Take a look at this picture of Drew and me at Book of Mormon last fall.

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Look at the two of us, just hanging out with my friend, Vanessa. We’re like TWINS! Guess which one I am? Fine. I’ll give you a hint: pink stripes.

Oh, but I do still have one problem.

I don’t know jack about football.

(thinking …

thinking …

snacking …

thinking)

Think they’d let me give a speech on musical theater???

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