Let’s get right to the point. I recently mentioned one of my big goals for 2014 is income. And just look what fell into my lap today! A GOLDEN opportunity. Thank you, Craigslist. And thank you, Drew Brees, because you and your likeness are going to score me $500 this month. Check it out.
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The Details
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HEIGHT
Drew = 6′ AND Me = 5′ 4″. Not a problem with the right footwear. I need to start Googling “platform cleats.”
WEIGHT
Drew = 209 lbs. AND Me = Up-yours-it’s-right-after-holiday-season. Let’s just say he’s got about 8o to 90 lbs. on me. So I’ll either wear padding or start eating. (The latter seems much more likely.)
ATTIRE
My son already has a #9 jersey but do I have to wear those stupid football pants? Never mind. You know what? I’m fully committed. But if I have to wear ass-huggers, I’m going with the black.
HAIR
We both have brown hair, which is good, but mine still has traces of red Kool-Aid in it. Plus our styles are nothing alike. But can’t I just wear a helmet? Yep. Problem solved.
BIRTHMARK
You guys don’t think I’d overlook this important detail, do you? It’s his calling card, for Pete’s sake. A little strategic make-up should do the trick.
Take a look at this picture of Drew and me at Book of Mormon last fall.
Look at the two of us, just hanging out with my friend. We’re like TWINS! Guess which one I am? Fine. I’ll give you a hint: pink stripes.
Oh, but I do still have one problem.
I don’t know jack about football.
(thinking …
thinking …
snacking …
thinking)
Think they’d let me give a speech on musical theater???
OldDogNewTits 