The Three Amigos, Oversized Cheese Platters and Other Foolishness

Today’s Video:

Once upon a time, there was a girl with a dream. A dream to write without boundaries, to write without deadlines and (dramatic pause) to write without fear. Could such a place exist? Possibly. Would she look like an ass? Probably. And, most importantly, would anyone (besides her mom) ever even listen? She would, after all, never be speaking of politics, religion, history or anything traditionally considered “important” in this world. Instead, there would be cats-who-sit-like-humans, cow nipple cream, hamsters-covered-in-pizza-sauce and, of course, Alec Baldwin. So, she wrote her first post, gathered up all of her courage and pressed “Publish.”

Then everything went quiet. She sat alone, waiting and hoping. And from the darkness, she saw one tiny light flickering in the distance.

“Hello? Is anyone home?” said the unfamiliar but friendly voice at the door. Awakened from her stupor, the woman shoved the family-sized cheese tray she was eating alone into the dishwasher and threw an old blanket over the sofa that was covered in orange cat hair. “Welcome, welcome!” she cried, thrilled to pieces to have just one listener. She vowed always to revere this special guest as though he were royalty. He was, after all, her very first follower.


Need proof? Here’s a screen capture of her first five followers in reverse chronological order.

* * * * *

How did she repay his blind loyalty? By corrupting his name, an innocent homage to a classic 80s film, and creating many humiliating variants over the course of the past year. Among her favorites were The Great Guaptini, Guap ‘Til You Drop, Guaperella, Count Guapula, Guap ‘n’ Roll High School, Guapzie Guaperelli and, of course, Guap Tarts. And so, in this beloved tradition of name-sullying, she wants to celebrate her first reader’s birthday with a special vote created in his honor. Why? Because El Guapo needs a Christmas moniker and it wouldn’t be a Guap-inspired post without a good poll. That’s where you come in.

Happy Birthday, El Guapo … Jolly Old St. Guapolas … or whatever we wind up naming you this holiday season. 

Thanks for taking “the road less traveled by” when I was just starting out.

* * * * * * * * * *

Click here to see (read) everyone who brought a dish  (duh, wrote a post) to the party given in honor of O Guapo, My Guapo.


14 responses to “The Three Amigos, Oversized Cheese Platters and Other Foolishness

  1. I am going to have to borrow some of your nicknames 😉

    Happy Birthday, Guaptoast!

  2. YAY! I am having a hard time picking a xmas name but you got them all covered.. great post ! 🙂 (happy birthday Guap!)

  3. This makes me smile!

  4. Why is #elguapomovies not a twitter hashtag (yet)?!

  5. I’m having a hard time choosing a name. I can vote every day, so I’ll just vote for my top 7 faves over the next week.

    And we can have a Layout day sometime soon. But you are far from Hoarders! 🙂

  6. Oh! I love the new names you have for him!!! That’s the best gift ever!

  7. Pingback: On Celebrating Foolishness « A Frank Angle

  8. Great poll … and Happy Birthday Guapo.

  9. Sad part is I’ll answer to all of these.
    Best part is I have friends that come up with them!

    Thanks so much, ODNT!!!! (And the fondue is on me!)

    • Hey! It’s the birthday boy. Have you gotten your automated call yet from Geoffrey the Giraffe? (realizing the stupidity of that comment) That’s ridiculous. You wouldn’t be getting a call from Toys ‘R’ Us. It’s nearly 2013. Surely, they’ve moved up to birthday email or texts by now. Sheesh.

      Happy Day, Guapenezer Scrooge!

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