Help Me, Honda. Help, Help Me, Honda.


I sent this email today. What do y’all think? Am I justified … or am I a bitch?

Hi, (Service Department Head).

My husband, Dave, forwarded me your email as I am the primary driver of the 2010 Honda Pilot. As such, I am the one who came in to your service department on Monday, April 15th for the recent recall repair (the third in three years, for the record). I called the department before coming in and was told it was a very simple repair for which I did not need an appointment and I could be “expressed” so that I wouldn’t have to wait long. For this reason, I was a little surprised when the first wait time I was given upon arrival was an hour and half. But I accepted it and resigned myself to doing a little work from my laptop (which I had fortuitously brought along with me) in your waiting room. I clicked the timer on my phone so that I could be aware of the time that passed while I worked until my car was ready.

When my timer reached an hour and thirty minutes, I sat patiently and assumed I’d be called shortly.

When my timer reached an hour and forty-five minutes, I decided that your department was running a little behind and I sat … a little less patiently.

When my timer reached two hours, I stood from my seat, packed up my things and approached the desk to ask about my car.

The girl at the desk made a call and I waited to hear the news. After about five minutes, another representative (a woman, not the man who initially checked me in) came in to tell me that they had forgotten I was even there. I appreciated her honesty but was REALLY ready to leave at this point. I was there for a recall item, for Pete’s sake. She promised me they would expedite my vehicle and they’d be done in 15 minutes. I thanked her and opted to stay standing at the front desk watching through the glass wall until my car was done. And, because I remained there in earshot and full view of everything, I was able to see one of your representatives hurriedly whipping my car into the service bay area. He was a bit reckless which I didn’t appreciate and, apparently, I wasn’t alone in my assessment of his driving. There were two other employees just on the other side of the glass where I was standing. They were killing themselves laughing at his driving and one of them said, “Watch! He’s going to run into that wall.”

You should probably inform your employees that those walls are NOT sound proof. And that the owner of the car could be anywhere.

In the end, my car was repaired and there was no damage done except excessive time loss. Still, I thought my experience merited mentioning.

Thanks for your time,

Michele

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Boston On My Mind


Thank you, Boston, for hosting my family in 2010. You are a beautiful place and no one or thing will ever change that. You are in all of our minds and all of our hearts. Happy Patriot’s Day.

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That Suburban Momma

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Ketchup With Us #16


Today’s KWU preamble will be short and sweet. Mel and I are talking about celebrity encounters. Have you ever met someone famous? I’ve racked up a few big names over the years … and I have a prized stack of pictures somewhere to prove it. Some of them (such as Donny & Marie, Siskel & Ebert and Kelsey Grammar) I’ve already written about here and others (such as Katie Couric, Hugh Jackman & Renee Zellweger) I have not.

But I decided to go with someone unconventional today.

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I met this charming actress years ago in New York after seeing her in a play entitled August: Osage County.  (It won the Tony that year, by the way). As soon as she walked onto the stage, I recognized her (uncultured buffoon that I am). And I was giddy to have the opportunity to take this picture.

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That’s me with Kimberly Guerrero.

Don’t remember her? Perhaps this clip will jog your memory.


For a quick explanation of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a writing prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. You can write your entry in any form. We love creativity. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a writer from the previous link-up. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

Suburbia Interrupted

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The Rules of Play

  1. Submit your entry using the linky at the bottom of our KWU posts.
  2. Follow us on Facebook (Michele /Mel).
  3. Follow us on Twitter (Michele/Mel) & tweet us your entry using #KetchupWithUs.

Grab our Button!

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‘KETCHUP WITH US’ – Prompt #16

In 57 words or less, tell us about a “celebrity encounter.” (We’ll let you interpret those terms however you like.) And, if you can, include a picture. 

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Are you still here? Fine. Here’s a bonus picture from when I shed the costume. It looks like I had to pee pretty badly, but I didn’t. What a spaz.

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Six of My Favorite Quotes (Because Any More Would Be Ridiculous)


In response to MamaKat’s weekly writing prompt, I am sharing some of my favorite quotations. Six of them to be exact. Which was pretty challenging. It’s like when someone asks me to pick a favorite song … or movie … or kid. Actually, I can usually answer that last one but the answer varies. And it doesn’t always share my last name.

Anyway, here they are. In no particular order. I went with the first six that popped into my head. Needless to say, there are many more I could list here. And my brain droned on and on with other suggestions for hours. But rules are rules, brain. And we agreed. Only six.

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“It’s true you know. You’re only young once. But, if you work it right, once is enough.” – Gidget

I used this quote in my high school yearbook. And I’m talking about TV’s Sally Field (not Sandra Dee of the movie) for the record. The show came on in syndication back then and Gidget was a high school nickname of mine. So the quote seemed fitting. Never mind the fact that all of my fellow classmates were quoting heavy hitters like Nietzche, Gandhi and Demosthenes.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

I can still remember reading these famous lines for the first time in school. They’ve always struck me. Pure poetry. Literally.

“To love another person is to see the face of God.” – Victor Hugo

Fine. Make fun of me. I can take it. I’m comfortable enough as a person to state unequivocally that some of the lines from Les Miserables get me every time. And, as if they weren’t salient enough, when my young daughter sings them to me, well …. in a word … Kleenex.

“Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?” – Michael Bluth

There is a magnet on my refrigerator featuring this quote. It’s one of thousands I could have written here from the short-lived FOX Classic Arrested Development. Yes, I am a disciple. Yes, I will be tuning in for the new episodes. And, yes, I cannot WAIT for the movie.

“I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.” – Mitch Hedberg

This man was funny. It’s not often that I laugh out loud at something that someone does on purpose. But I was never able to stay quiet through much of what he said.

“It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!” – Theodor Geisel

In truth, I could have listed any couplet from this entire book. But I think I’m especially fond of this one ever since Smithers and Mr. Burns spoofed it so beautifully back in 1993.

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What about YOU?

Do you have a favorite quote you want to share with the class?

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Four Indisputable Signs that my House is Haunted


Ever have one of those weeks where all kinds of weird stuff seems to happen in your house? I’m not talking about raw steak inchworming across the counter or kids getting sucked into televisions or anything. Just unexplained. So … naturally … I’ve decided we have a ghost.

Here’s the evidence.

1. Remember the toilet-and-plunger-shaped erasers I bought recently? I bought three. Definitely. I counted them as I sat on the floor next to my bed and arranged all of my kids’ book fair loot to photograph it for your entertainment. And, as soon as I snapped the picture, my kids immediately absconded with the first two erasers into their rooms. The third I tucked away back into the bag with the three remaining books I purchased for my godchild’s birthday. Then I set the bag right next to my nightstand where it stayed (seemingly untouched) for 24 hours. The next day, when I dumped its contents onto the bed for gift wrapping, I counted one … two … three books but no eraser. I checked the bag, then the floor, then the bag again, then under the bed and all around the area and then, for good measure, once more in the bag. Because three is a good OCD checking number. But the toilet eraser was gone. Vanished into thin air. As though it had been flushed out of existence. (Seriously, that’s my only toilet joke … which I think shows incredible restraint.)

2. I’ve been sifting through a lot of old pictures lately as I need a few for my son’s coming 7th grade graduation. (Don’t even get me started here. I see lots of sniffly, snotty blog posts in the future.) Many of my photo envelopes are kept in the closet on the shelf in a small plastic blue dish pan. (I’m fancy that way.) Anyway, when I went to retrieve them recently, I noticed that all of the envelopes and other assorted contents were there on the shelf, exactly positioned as though they were in the pan. But the pan itself had been smashed to bits beneath it. It looked literally to have disintegrated inexplicably beneath its cargo. Somebody (or something!) really hated that dish pan.

3. My son bought a brand new pair of special edition Nike socks from a sports store in town and, as they were yet unopened, he was contemplating trading them with a friend. He brought them to me and we discussed the whole thing because he just couldn’t decide. Because my daughter was sleeping out that night, we were the only two people home from then until the next morning. And thus I have no explanation as to how or why, as he was getting dressed the following day, he could have discovered that same special edition pair in his drawer, now fully opened, with the packaging nowhere to be found. (Did the ghost actually try on the socks?!!?) Oh, and I’m still not sure my son believes that I did not open the damned things.

4. The kids and I recently took on a 1000-piece puzzle. It was actually a lot of fun (I would probably use air quotes here if I was telling the story aloud) until we got to the large plain white and plain grey bands around the colorful and easily discernible design. At this point in the puzzle assembly, I contemplated using a pair of scissors to customize the pieces to my specifications. (Insert noises of frustration and defeat here.) And then it happened. I’d estimate we were about 850 pieces finished with our masterpiece when suddenly one end piece (that had previously been positioned properly, mind you) went missing. We looked everywhere in that room. I still have no idea where in the HELL it could have gone.

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However, something tells me I should probably check the litter box for any signs of our poltergeist for the next week or so.

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What about YOU?

Ever experience any mysterious goings-on in YOUR home?

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Book Learnin’ is for the Birds


Anyone remember I wrote a post I wrote recently about how I’m the one pulling up the rear in my book group? Oh, stop giggling. It just means I’m the weakest link … the lame duck … the caboose, if you will. And I suppose the illiterate apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Allow me to elaborate.

I volunteered at my children’s school book fair today and invited both of my kids to come visit during their recesses today so I could get them a little something while I was there with my credit card. Which reminds me … Parents, for the love of Scholastic, please give your kids enough money for these fundraising events. If I had a nickel for every kid we had to spot a little money, well … actually, if I had all those nickels, we probably wouldn’t have had a problem in the first place. But I digress.

As I was saying, me no read books. I mean … I should read books. I almost always like it when I do. But I still don’t. At least not unless I’m provoked. And today my kids took a page from the book of their mother. (Geez. That’s an ironic statement, isn’t it?)

In a library full of uplifting coming-of-age stories, exciting young adult novels and other timeless literary classics, let’s take a look at what we came home with from the BOOK fair today, shall we?

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1. The Requisite Kitten Poster. In my day, “Hang in There” was about all we had. And it came on cheap, thin magazine paper folded into four squares. Not the high quality poster-thickness of “Cupcake Cutie.” We’ll have this one (gulp) for years.

2. A Yellow Highlighter. Duh, because it’s shaped like a candy-flavored lipgloss. AND because it’s lemon-scented. Me: Vivien, we already have a MILLION highlighters at home. Her: Not like THIS awesome one. Ours are sooooo boring. Pleeeeeeese.

3. An Eraser. Shaped like a $20 bill. Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, we already have a million. But, the fact is, we make A LOT of mistakes around here. So I succumbed.

4. MORE Erasers. Okay, now I’m just being stupid, right? But (hello???) did I mention that they were shaped like tiny plungers and toilets? YES way! Naturally, I bought three.

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5. 2013 Guinness Book of World Records. “What? I am so getting books. See, Mama?”

6. Ramen Noodle Cookbook. I could blame it on the kids. I should blame it on the kids. But, seriously … there is a picture of Ramen Noodle SMORES on the front cover! Plus the book was only $10. That’s, like, one hundred packs of Ramen. WHY would I get the book? Seems like the question should be why would I NOT get the book?

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Well, at least if they’re not at Harvard Medical School, they’ll know how to feed themselves. Even if it’s just Ramen Pepperoni & Cheese Casserole.

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Haven’t linked up with Ketchup yet? What’s keeping you?

Anticipation … anticipation is making me wait. (You people are all probably too young to get that reference. Sigh)

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a mom blog community!

Someone Throw Me a Life Preserver … and a Hairbrush!


Fastest blog post ever. Readyyyyyyyyy …… Go!

Okay. Remember those days when you knew you could count on a daily post here at ODNT? Yeah. Me, too. It seems lately that too many things get in the way of writing … which, for me, can also be called therapy. And skipping therapy is bad, right? Your head begins to fall apart and you start missing appointments and losing stuff like car keys, money and, you know, your kids. All over the place.

Which is why I’m phoning it in today.

I don’t even have time to dry my hair for the next few days but I’m making time to write today. And since I’ve often threatened minutia, I’m delivering on that promise today. The next four days are very busy around here. Dave’s working out of town and the kids’ activities seem to have come together to create a perfect storm of insanity in this household. Here’s a glimpse of what we’ve got going on around here as soon as school lets out today.

  • Math Tutoring (at the library where we will be changing clothes & eating dinner tonight)
  • Dean’s 7th grade play (multiple performances and before/after activities)
  • Quiz Bowl practice (it’s early, as in before school … not my strength)
  • School book fair (where I’ll be working as a volunteer – anyone need a glittery, scented eraser shaped like an ice cream cone?)
  • City Park Family Night School Fundraiser (Someone PLEASE remind me to buy tickets!)
  • Quiz Bowl Tournament (It ends either at noon or 3pm … depending on how the morning goes.)
  • Dean’s Graduation Portrait Session (I have NO IDEA what the boy is even wearing at this point. Or if we even own anything that fits, isn’t stained, is appropriate.)
  • Sleepover party for Vivien’s school friend (Thanks, Jodi, for being so flexible with me.)
  • Parents-only event at Dean’s high school for the fall (Remind me to bring tissues!)
  • Play practice for Vivien (and possibly me) (Gulp!)
  • Movie party for Dean’s friend/my godchild (Who here thinks Viv will have nightmares if she sees Jurassic Park in 3D? Because she just might be going. Sigh)

Of course, there’s also homework, eating, showering, sleeping, feeding the cat and trying to look at least sort of put together this weekend.

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Will this work?

I promise loftier posts in the future. I have plans. BIG plans. Until then, feel free to tweet, text, call, poke or throw a shoe at me to make sure I’m awake, dressed and showing up to all of these places on time this weekend!

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Oh, and if you haven’t linked up with Ketchup yet, please do. I don’t have time to promote it properly this go-round. (Sorry, Mel.) And it’s a good one. Thanks, all.

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Ketchup With Us #15


Happy April Fool’s Day! I’m a real holiday person. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas … my family even has an annual tradition for Groundhog Day. (We’ll discuss that next February.) But when it came to April Fool’s Day, I was stumped. Ever since Mel informed me that she is married to the grand master of pranks and practical jokes, I began scrolling through the dusty card catalog that is my brain but my stories couldn’t even come close to hers. So I turned to my old friend, Television, for help. He’s always been there for me and I knew he’d pull me through. And, after sifting through old memories of everything from Johnny Carson to Ashton Kutcher, I finally remembered these four fools. (Thanks, Vanessa & Wayne, for introducing me to their show.)


The Impractical Jokers

They live to embarrass the snot out of each other. It’s a miracle that none of them has been flattened by one of their unsuspecting victims. From stealing food off people’s buffet plates to throwing a tantrum to get a stranger to buy them something to impersonating a blind opthamologist, there is nothing they won’t do.


For a quick explanation of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a writing prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. You can write your entry in any form. We love creativity. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a writer from the previous link-up. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

Becky

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The Rules of Play

  1. Submit your entry using the linky at the bottom of our KWU posts.
  2. Follow us on Facebook (Michele /Mel).
  3. Follow us on Twitter (Michele/Mel) & tweet us your entry using #KetchupWithUs.

Grab our Button!

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‘KETCHUP WITH US’ – Prompt #15

In 57 words or less, tell us about the best prank you ever played, saw executed or were the butt of yourself!

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The Ghosts of Easters Past (The Good Kind, Not the Scary Ones)


HAPPY EASTER, EVERYBODY!

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Not only is this picture one of my favorite Easter memories, it’s one of my favorite motherhood memories. Back then, my boy took that orange Bear in the Big Blue House frying pan everywhere he went. And it was the only thing that kept him from completely falling apart that day on the Bunny’s lap.

That cranky 18-month-old boy is thirteen years old today. And he’s headed off to high school next fall. And yes … in case you’re wondering … I will most definitely be an emotional mess when that happens. Plan now to be dealing with crying-in-the-fetal-position-in-the-back-of-the-closet Michele.

Actually, I still have the orange pan. Maybe I’ll try clinging to it tightly as he walks on to his new campus next August.

This post was written in part for Mamakat’s writer’s workshop and in part because I am getting crazy nostalgic for my children’s babyhoods.

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Dumbassery is a Dish Best Served for Two


I don’t ask for much. At least I don’t THINK I do. So, when I selected my chosen attire (read: costume) for our school’s annual gala fundraiser last weekend, I just assumed Dave would be all in. The theme was ‘There’s No Place Like Home.’

There were, of course, some Dorothy-related get-ups here and there but mostly dressy cocktail attire. Men in suits, women in sparkly dresses, jewelry with matching handbags and heels. Oh, the torturous heels. (Shudder) I saw the party as a chance to make one of my simpler dreams come true.

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What does ‘home’ mean to me? Easy. But Dave wasn’t so sure. So I let him off the hook.

And I was very happy in my pajamas. We ate, we drank, we took chances in the auction, we danced to the musical stylings of Band Camp … and then it happened. I should mention that we only live a few minutes from the location of this big event. Close enough that while I caught up with a few (informed) friends, Dave was able to run home and remedy a little something.

Here’s how he looked when he came back.

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So maybe it wasn’t a lucky night at the auction table but I sure felt the odds were in my favor otherwise. Thanks, Dave, for being one of the only other fools in costume with me last weekend. You have to admit … we were easily the most comfortable people at the party.

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Trifecta’s weekly prompt: Write something between 33 and 333 words using the 3rd definition of the following word:

LUCKY (adjective)
3: producing or resulting in good by chance : favorable

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