Tag Archives: contest

Seen this award-winning film yet? Maybe I can help.


Just a few days ago, I was contacted by my friends at Grace Hill Media about conducting another movie promotion. I was reluctant. This week is a crazy busy one for my family. In addition to a sizable freelance job I’m working on in every spare minute, it’s also final exams for both of my kids as well as my daughter’s birthday and her elementary school graduation. I really, really didn’t want to add anything else.

But then my friend Gary at Grace Hill said two said words: American Sniper.

I stopped what I was doing to reply simply “I’m in.”

To quote Gary’s email to me, “Clint Eastwood’s Oscar-nominated adaptation of Chris Kyle’s autobiography is moving and meaningful filmmaking, depicting the heroism of both the service member in combat and the family left stateside. It is not an easy film to watch, given its subject matter, but it is, I believe, an essential film to watch to help us better understand the cost, to those on the battlefield and on the home front, of the freedoms we hold so dear.”

American Sniper hits stores Tuesday, May 19 … just in time for Memorial Day. But I might be able to save you the trip. Because I’m giving away a Blu-ray/DVD combo pack to one lucky reader.

CLICK HERE for a chance to win.

Enter daily until 12:00AM on 5/24/15.

To the winner of the contest … I want to say congratulations in advance. And to everyone else … I want to encourage you to go pick up your own copy of the movie. Why? Because Warner Bros. is donating a dollar from each sale, up to $1 million, to the Wounded Warrior Project, a program that enlists public aid and provides direct services to meet the needs of our injured military personnel.

I can’t think of a better reason to buy the movie.


Oh, and one more thing …

Grace Hill was good enough to give me an extra copy of the film to gift to a special veteran in my life.

My friend, Mitzi, served as an AG2 (Aerographer’s Mate) aboard the USS Theodore Roosevelt in the U.S. Navy for five years.

Thank you, Mitzi, for your commitment.


To order American Sniper from Amazon.com, click here.

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Hey! Stop staring at my teeth. My eyes are up here!


And why exactly is everyone staring at my teeth these days? Easy. Because I was recently contacted by the customer-oriented good people at Smile Brilliant to conduct a product review of their high-end tooth bleaching system. Spoiler: I loved it.


Raise your hand if you’ve ever spent any alone time in the bathroom bearing your teeth at your own reflection in the mirror and wishing you had a whiter smile. To those of you sitting on your hands, I think you’re lying. Everyone wants whiter teeth. And everyone needs whiter teeth. Unless, of course, you played a paleontologist on TV in the 90s.

But enough of my tomfoolery. Let me tell you about Smile Brilliant. That’s why we’re all here, isn’t it?

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When their company rep first contacted me, I was over the moon. Like I said before, who doesn’t want whiter teeth? So I accepted the job and was immediately sent a product reviewer starter kit.

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The kit contained everything I needed to take professional, dentist-quality impressions of my upper and lower teeth (as well as the gels I would be using with my custom trays once I received them). I got to work immediately.

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To make the impressions …

  1. Open one BASE paste and one CATALYST paste.
  2. Blend together.
  3. Press into mold and insert in mouth immediately.

(How great do I look here, by the way? … Hello? Christmas card!)

Notice how my hands are super blurry in that middle picture? That’s because you have to MOVE FAST. Once the pastes are combined, they waste no time hardening. Herein lies the reason that you get three sets of the stuff with your starter kit (see picture above). Because some people are spastic and will mess up the first batch by working too slowly.

How did *I* do, you ask? Well, let’s just say all six of my paste containers were empty after I made my impressions. (Sometimes I’m surprised I can dress myself in the morning.) Anyway, here’s what I sent over to Smile Brilliant in their convenient, postage-paid packaging.

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And here’s what I got back only days later.

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Before opening any of the gel packages, I tried on my new mouth trays. And they fit perfectly. (I wonder if Smile Brilliant makes jeans.) And, with that, I was ready to start illuminating my smile.

To whiten your teeth …

  1. Apply desensitizing gel (if you choose to purchase it) along inner front rim of both trays and wear for 20-60 minutes. 
  2. Apply bleaching gel in the same way and wear for 20 minutes to 3 hours. 

I’m a compulsive overachiever so I maxed out both times and completed the full process three days in a row. And I honestly saw improvement as early as the first day. From there, I whitened every other day until I hit the two week mark (for a total of nine treatments). And that was it. That was all I needed. Unless I want my teeth to glow under a black light. (see Ross Geller above)

Personally, I think my before and after pictures speak for themseLVES.

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Seriously, they look AMAZING, don’t they?

#conceited

#sheisSOfullofherself

#whiteteethcantfixlaughlines

#heymicheleyouneedabetterlipliner


Jealous?

Tired of hearing about MY experience?

Wish you could throw a bucket of indelible purple grape juice directly at my glistening teeth?

You needn’t stew in your own filthy envy anymore.  Because I’m giving away a gift certificate to Smile Brilliant for $119.95 right here to one lucky, yellow-toothed winner! That’s enough to get everything you need to make your own custom trays plus three syringes of bleaching gel (each good for three uses).

Click HERE to win.

You have until September 9, 2014 to enter.


Okay, let’s recap everything. Shall we?

  1. I LOVE this product and literally noticed a difference after one use.
  2. When making your dental impressions, work fast and have a napkin handy for, well, drool. Did I mention that earlier? (sigh)
  3. Remember that just because you can wear the bleach-filled dental trays for three straight hours doesn’t mean you should wear them for three straight hours. This stuff is the real deal and overkill can result in a little gum tenderness.
  4. Enter the contest, fools. White teeth could be yours by the end of the month!

The ODNT Product Review Procedure:

  • Sometimes I say no … because I am not interested in the product or I don’t think it’s a good fit for me or this blog.
  • Sometimes I say yes … but determine, upon usage, that the product is a fail. So I inform the company and offer the option to part ways rather than receive the bad press. This offer is always accepted.
  • Sometimes I say yes … and I try the product and LOVE it. So I write my review. And you can rest assured that every word, every picture and every video is 100% true.

Because MamaKat asked me to talk about something I learned last month.What’s mine? Home tooth whitening products aren’t all snake oil. This stuff really works!

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Because They Gave Us Barbies … and Hot Wheels … and Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots!


I don’t know about you but I grew up with the Jerry Lewis telethon every Labor Day. Truth? We didn’t have cable until I was in high school so the television entertainment pickings were pretty slim. And then there was Band-Aid, one of my favorite collaborative musical efforts of all time, followed by USA for Africa, Farm-Aid, Earth Day, Save the Duck-Billed Platypus … or the Plat-Billed Ducktypus … or something like that. I can’t remember.

Anyway … when the Mattel Corporation contacted me to help them with their Easter Toy Basket Giveaway, I jumped at the chance. After all, they gave me years of joy through Barbie. Which, as many of you know, I’m still enjoying today. Plus there was talk of chocolate. Sold.

So, without further ado, I want to share with you today a very moving video. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You could possibly sneeze, in which case you should really have a tissue handy. Go ahead. I’ll wait while you get one. Yes, toilet paper is fine, too. Just hurry up.

Now … watch the video and, when you’re done, take a chance on the big prize. All you have to do the enter the contest is click the rafflecopter link below and sign up.


Wait!!!! Don’t forget About the contest. Seriously, who doesn’t want toys?

Click HERE to enter.

Good luck!

Let’s save these bunnies together!

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ODNT, Jr. is Campaigning for Me


HER: (exhibiting genuine interest) “Whatcha looking at, Mama?”

ME: (channeling a crappy mom by not turning away from the computer and dismissing the question) “Nothing.”

HER: (regurgitating my ‘mom words’ back to me) “It’s not nothing if there’s something on the screen, Mama. What is it?”

ME: (still attempting to preserve my dignity and change the subject) “Just a little contest Mama’s in.”

HER: (exhibiting more genuine interest that I don’t deserve) “A contest for what?”

ME: (giving in since she already knows her mom is a goofball who dons a ketchup costume twice a month in public anyway) “Oh, it’s just a contest to pick the Top 25 Funny Moms on a website called Circle of Moms.”

HER: (leaping up excitedly) “A contest?!!? Wait! I’ll be right back!”

I’m just a regular mom. And that means sometimes I want to pull my hair out and run screaming from the house when my kids are driving me nuts. And other times I wonder what on earth I did to deserve such amazing little people who are actually interested in me and who want to help me with my half-baked, softheaded shenanigans intellectually stimulating projects.

Such was the case with Vivien last weekend when she heard about the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest.

Three hours later …

“I want you to win, Mama,” she said, handing me a stack of drawings she’d be working on in her room to help me in my quest to make you laugh.

Truth? Yes, they made me laugh. They also made me cry a little. That she’d give up a big chunk of her weekend to help out her old lady … well I don’t think I was that good a daughter when I was a kid. (Let’s see if my mom takes the bait when she reads this post.)

So anyway, without further ado … I give you the first of the ODNT, Jr. Vote for My Mom for Top 25 Funny Moms original creations. This one is entitled “Herve’s Black Seed Brownie Recipe.”

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It centers on the ever-growing hamster in this household and his favorite delicacy. Which we recently learned leads to morbid obesity in rodents. (Yep. That’s a thing.)

But, ODNT, how do we vote for you?

IT’s EASY! And IN ONLY Three Steps!

  1. Click here.
  2. Scroll down to Old Dog New Tits. God willing, I’ll still be in the Top 25 when you do.
  3. Click “vote” next to Old Dog New Tits.

And it wouldn’t suck if you also voted for my friends, According to Mags and Hot Mess Mom while you’re there. They’re both funny ladies of whom I personally I am a big fan. You can actually vote for as many people as you like. Once every 24 hours. Until February 13. Per device. Or so they tell me. 🙂

Fine, ODNT. We’ll vote for you and your friends. EVERY BLASTED DAY until February 13. But what’s in it for us, fool?

As my way of saying thank you for taking a minute of your time each day  … and having every person you’ve ever known do the same … I wanted to share a YouTube clip of my favorite dancing hill person, Jesco White.


* * * * * Got five seconds? * * * * *

Please click that FANCY PANTS PINK BALL (above) to visit the Circle of Moms site and vote for ODNT for Top 25 Funny Moms.

I need this! I’ve RESORTED to child labor.

vote daily ’til February 13. Thanks!

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Please Help Make My Cat’s Dream a Reality!


My cat has a dream. And it’s a simple one. He’s always wanted to roll around in $1000 cash. I know. I think it’s a weird dream for a cat, too. I totally would’ve thought birds. Or some kind of smelly fish. But that’s what he said. And, as you can see, he’s been practicing.

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He’s only worth $40 in this shot.

Want to help make his dream come true? All you have to do is CLICK THE IMAGE BELOW. Then, when the link opens,  READ it and … by all means … LIKE it. Even if you hate it.

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Oh, and there’s one more thing. Please SHARE the book. HOWEVER and WHEREVER you can. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest
  • Public bathroom stalls
  • Handheld signs at traffic intersections
  • Small, tasteful tattoos
  • Church bulletins
  • Graffiti on interstate overpasses
  • Commandeering the department store intercom while no one is watching to make an announcement
  • Tiny sandwich boards fashioned to your pets or children
  • Skywriting
  • Shoe polish messages on your car windows (and all others in the office parking lot)

Too much? Fine. Then, just do the first one. Remember, this is Milo we’re talking about. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for him?

P.S. I’ll further sweeten the pot. Using the comments below, you are invited to submit questions you want me to answer if I win.  Duh, all submissions must be PG-13 or below.  In the event of my victory, I will pick one at random and answer it.

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Help! Baby Needs a New Pair of Boobs!


You guys, I’m a finalist!

My pals at Britely just selected my Brite book entitled Kids Today are Soft – and Here’s Why as one of the five finalists eligible to win $1000 this week. Dave says I’m on my way to earning a boob job. If I win this contest and add it to the winnings from a few weeks ago for my Back to School ABCs flip book, then I’ve earned about 25% of the money.

Together, We Could Earn One Half of One Boob! 

Of a better campaign slogan, I cannot think. Maybe I should lend it out to the dudes in Washington this fall. Anyway … if you have three minutes today, please click the image below and travel back to your sad youth with me. And, if you LIKE it and (best of all!) SHARE it for me … well, now you guys are going to make me cry.

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Oh, yeah. And don’t forget. I promised on Twitter that I would COOK and EAT SPAM on camera if I won. So, there’s that, too. Tell your friends!

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OMG! Ermahgerd! or However We’re Saying it These Days!


I could win ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS, you guys.

– – – – – – – – – –

ONE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.

– – – – – – – – – –

Remember when I won $50 for the crazy story about The Day Things got HAIRY at Disney World? And remember what I bought with it? That’s right. A ketchup costume. Even my kids thought I was an idiot. Well, for the record, you guys will all know the meaning behind it when I publish my post tomorrow. Right, Mel? (Teaser.)

But back to the … ONE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.

Remember the Brite book I just created entitled The Back to School ABCs? Well, IT WAS JUST NAMED A FINALIST in this week’s contest for ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. Good God, I hope I don’t have to wear a damned swimsuit for the last round of competition. Does anyone have any double stick tape … and a sarong … and maybe a Snuggie?!!?

Michele, how can we help you win ONE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS?

All you need to do is click the image below. CLICK THE SNOT OUT OF IT! I need views, likes & comments … and shares (via their Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest & Email buttons) to get even more views, likes & comments. So, please click it … and do your thing!

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Do you guys know what I could do with ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS?

That’s 200 bricks of Havardi Cheese. Is it enough to build my bucket list house of cheese? Well, no. No, it’s not. But I’m pretty sure I could make a cheese igloo. Which, if you think about it, makes a lot more sense anyway. Cheese needing to be kept cold and all.

Remember, it takes a Village

… to build a CHEESE IGLOO.

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If you could write a letter to Money, what would you say? (For Wells Fargo)


Wells Fargo is having a contest. A contest that awards money. Which is honestly one of my favorite things in life. It takes me to foreign places, it brings me cheese and it helps me to spoil my kids with things like, I don’t know, socially-acceptable rodents. For that reason, when I saw this contest via Blogher as a means of discussing my lifelong relationship with money … well, I just couldn’t resist writing it a little letter. Enjoy.

Dear Money,

I wanted to drop you a quick line to check in and see if everything was okay. Have I offended you in some way? It seems like just a few years ago we hung out every day but now I see less and less of you. Was it because I flaunted the idea of using you frivolously for a boob job? Yes, it’s true. I was considering it but have tabled the idea for a while due to some health problems we discovered.

Honestly, whatever it is that I did, I want to apologize wholeheartedly. You and I have had a pretty solid relationship most of my life. And I felt very close to you until recently. Whenever I’ve needed you, you’ve always been there. Even if you were the last one to show up! Sometimes I think you liked watching me sweat it out a little. 🙂

But now you hardly ever stop by. And, when you do, it’s never for the kind of quality visits we use to have together. Remember the lunches, the pedis, the vacations? You just don’t seem to have time for me anymore. Haven’t I been good to you? Haven’t I always appreciated you?

Please consider coming for a visit when you have a chance. Dave, the kids and I would love to take you to dinner sometime soon.

Wishing you were here,

Michele

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Wake up, ODNT! You forgot about the Jud & Bill Contest.


No, no, no. I did NOT forget about the Jud & Bill Contest. It’s summer so my kids are home 24/7 … and they’re tearing  through laundry, food, dishes, my money, my last nerves and hours of my time like Kleenex around here. Plus … have you read these entries? They are so freakin’ good with so much creativity and research put into each one of them that there is NO WAY I could pick a winner myself.

Are you really surprised by this next development?

We’re putting it up for a vote. I’m giving everyone a whole week … because we are ALL busy people … to take a look at the submissions and then vote for the one you think best represents Episode 11. Feel free to elaborate in the comments below their entries or this post as I know the writers would love to hear from you.

Want to catch up on the storyline before reading the entries and voting? Click here for episodes 1-10.

Here are the entries for your voting consideration:

Mel at According to Mags

StnkyFerit at Honey Badger Just Don’t Care

Libby at Libby’s Book Blog

BrainTomahawk

Amy at Betty Rants

Kari

* * * * * * * * * *

Please take a minute to read ALL of the above before voting. You might want to eat a Saltine or Melba Toast cracker between reading each entry to cleanse your palate properly. Or, better yet,  perhaps you could check out the dental blog of my first hate mail – I mean – my old friend to clear your brain between each example of the fine dumbassery exhibited here in these entries today.

* * * * * * * * * *

I couldn’t get the stupid poll to center on the page. So … to overcompensate for my computer illiteracy AND to pay homage to the two heroes that inspired this whole contest …  I elected to use the cheesiest poll theme offered in WordPress for our post today. Enjoy!

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Jud & Bill are hosting a CONTEST. With a PRIZE!


This post is my first-ever attempt at a link-up so please bear with me.

Yesterday, I posted the final episode of the Jud & Bill Brotherly Love series. For those of you just tuning in, click here to catch up on the pair of brothers who accidentally included me on their rather colorful, back-and-forth correspondence for quite a while. And, being the “good samaritan” that I am, I chose not to put an end to it with a polite email to the senders but rather to post all of their personal messages … right here … for your enjoyment and mine.

Anyway, since someone finally caught the error and cut me out of the email loop, we now find ourselves left with burning questions, undeveloped characters and dangling plot lines. This doesn’t sit well with me at all.

So, here’s where YOU come in.

I’m giving you a week to write the NEW final episode of the Jud & Bill series. It can be any length you want. There are NO rules. You can tie up the loose ends by continuing with the current storyline or go off completely on your own tangent. Be creative. (Creative = something that will make me smile, forget my troubles, shake with laughter, have a renewed outlook on life, pee my pants, find religion, run for shelter, whatever.) Then … link it up here.

At the end of next week, I’ll pick a winner OR if I can’t decide (you’ve got to know what’s coming, right?) I’ll put it up for a vote. Oh, and if you want to play but don’t have a blog to link up, email it to me at olddognewtits@gmail.com. I’ll post it myself and link it up. Assuming I can actually do that. God, I hope this works.  (sweat, sweat)

The winner will get a small token of my appreciation sent to him or her personally … that is, if you’re willing to give me your home address. (Cue maniacal cackling) Best of luck to all of you.


This link-up doesn’t require a backlink to this post (only because I’m too stupid to figure it out) but I sure would appreciate one in your post. And, remember, I AM on the panel of judges.


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