Tag Archives: Tiffany

Our family just got a little bigger, meaner and more fashionable


We’ve got Stavros, Pavlina, Bianca and a different blonde Barbie than we met in our original mean girl Barbie post. When we were cruising websites for Christmas gift ideas, my girl took one look at Tiffany, our frizzy-haired friend from the first post, and said, “Uuuuck. No way. She is UUUUG-LY!” So, she chose a different blonde Barbie for her Christmas list. And one who I think looks a lot like a Giselle.

And the first thing I noticed is that Barbie footwear has seen major technological innovation since I was a kid. Back then, we loved the beautiful shoes, every one of them six-inch stilettos, but we knew there’d never be with us for long. They slipped on and off with the ease of a slip-on house shoe. We hated losing them but we accepted that it was just a matter of time ’til one was gone, rendering its mate completely useless. And, after a while, you gave up on shoes altogether and your doll just became a Julia Roberts-esque hippie chic woman who wore everything from cruise wear to evening gowns with no shoes at all.

Until now!

In 2011, the shoes click on. Did you hear me? They click on. And actually sort of lock in place. I mean, it’s not Fort Knox, but I’d say it could cut the propensity for loss by 50 percent. That’s huge! Huge, I tell you! And, if that’s not enough, this new shoe ‘technology’ is a plus for the cat, too. There’s a greatly reduced chance that any of these pointy little shoes will be navigating themselves through this colon any time soon. And his good news is everyone’s good news.

(Two quick side notes: (A) Only some of the Barbie models have this new shoe-locking technology. Why? How should I know? Nepotism? Blackmail? Or some other inappropriate behavior that I don’t even want to think about between Barbie and her wardrobe designers. AND (B) I wonder if we’ve lost all the male readers at this point.)

Sadly though, my girl didn’t like any of my names for the crew. She said, “Stavros is ridiculous. That’s not even a name.” I tried to explain that he was a Greek exchange student working at the Gap until he made enough money for head shots and a one-way ticket to New York. Because his dream was to come to America and pursue a male modeling career. But she just rolled her eyes and said “No, Mommy.”

I think I love my girl’s new friends as much as she does. She has her names for them. And I have mine. From left to right … my names, then hers.

Pavlina – Stephanie
Stavros – Andre
Bianca – Bridget
Giselle – Lexie

So, we’ve now cleared off the built-in desk in her room and transformed it into Barbie Central. The dining set she got from my sister-in-law is featured prominently in the middle of the ‘house.’ I cracked up when I took a good look at the assembled box this morning.



“Oh, no. Ken is late!” ??? … Girl, you are a gorgeous woman who nails every profession she tries. Dump his ass, throw something on from your Fashionistas World Tour Collection and go for a spin in your Corvette.

I see hours and hours of Barbie play in my future. I think she even asked her dad to join in the fun tomorrow. That should put an interesting spin on things. Plus, I’m totally going to make him be Stavros. And speak with a Greek accent. My girl wants him to have a French accent. We’ll see …

Oh, and in the style of television programming from my youth, I’ve included a few outtakes of tonight’s Barbie photo session at the end of this post. It was very important to the cat (Milo) to be a part of this activity. It may well be the best part of today’s entry.





I like to surround myself with crazy people. It helps me feel like all the pointing and laughing isn’t being directed solely at me.

My friend, Vanessa, texted me yesterday about the ‘Barbie’ post. She was actually one of the girls at the beach with me the weekend before last. And she knows things like the names ‘Stavros’ and ‘Pavlina’ were lifted from the TLC show ‘Say Yes to the Dress‘ which I watched for the first time on the trip.  Her one text turned into a fun activity for the whole afternoon.  And Vanessa demonstrated that she could go head to head with me or anyone else on a Barbie & Friends Playdate for Grown-ups.

(To understand and appreciate this post, you have to go back and read the ‘Barbie’ post first.  And, if you’re disturbed at the idea of two grown women exchanging tremendously fanciful Barbie texts for a few hours, then you might want to just go back and read about the Naked Mole Rats again.)

Vanessa: I feel bad for Stavros. The foreign exchange program.  No family here.  I feel like I can really relate.

Me: You and Stavros always clicked. Honestly Pavlina was always a little jealous of you two.  Which was kinda weird. … OMG! Don’t tell her I said that!

Vanessa: She wants to hate me but she’s having trouble because I’m a genuinely nice person.  This really bothers her …

Me: I keep telling you to take her out for a corn dog.  Seriously, that bitch can eat.

Vanessa: I saw a bottle of Adderall in her purse.  She claims to have ‘Adult ADHD.’  I also happen to know it keeps you in a double zero no matter how much food you consume.  Have you ever noticed her twitch? Side effect from the meds.

Me: Crap. Are you serious? Should we tell Stavros??

Vanessa: I’ve actually seen her slip him a few.  He wears women’s super skinny GAP jeans.  Hello?

Me: I can’t believe they left me in the dark here.  You know, Bianca tried to tell me last week but I just threw my Orange Julius in her face and ran off crying.

Vanessa: They both wear Spanx under their jeans.  Nobody is that flawless without some sort of assistance! And wait … an Orange Julius?  Oh, no you didn’t!

Me: Damn it! I just figured it was their European upbringing.

Vanessa: My grandmother was European and she was short and stout with huge double D boobs. This is just very suspicious …  Oh, and I am really sick of them listening to Gino Vannelli all the time.

Me: Well, Stavros thinks he’s related to Gino … his uncle or something … so that explains his obsession.  But Pavlina? What the hell?

Vanessa: She just copies whatever Stavros does.  … Okay, I feel kind of two-faced. She’s supposed to be our friend.

Me: OMG! Me, too. Let’s go take her to Corn Dog 7 to pig out.  I am so getting the jalapeño poppers this time.  Last time, I couldn’t because Tiffany and I were sharing and she said they were way too spicy for her.  Whatev!

Vanessa: Yeah.  Whatev is right.  Call her up and see what she says.  Tell her it’s our treat.  Don’t tell anyone about the Adderall.  It anyone finds out, our friendship is so over.

Me: I’m on it.  And your secret is safe with me, girlfriend.

Vanessa: Thanks, sistah!