Remember my terribly embarrassing story entitled The Day Things Got Hairy at Disney World? Well, it’s in a little contest. So, if you want to read four other great entries and then (hopefully) vote for mine, please visit www.midlifecollage.com.

When it comes to these contests, I’m a terrible participant … and here’s why.

(A) I despise self-promotion. Honestly. I am more embarrassed asking for your vote than I was that infamous day at Disney World.

(B) I have absolutely no idea when this contest ends so, um, go vote soon. Seriously … I’ll wait here for you.

(C) I really want the $50.

Perhaps you can help me decide what to do with the money IF I should win. After an extensive Google search, I’ve assembled this list of items, all available for $50 or less.

• Photo with Newt Gingrich (Simply because his name is Newt)
• Government-Subsidized Green Lightbulb (Seems like the PC thing to do)
• Batman Cuff Links (To be given away on this blog)
• Step-by-Step How to Build a Robot Tutorial (I could really use an assistant around here)
• Monkey Light 8-Bit Bikewheel Light (So I can be cool)
• Giant Ketchup Bottle Costume (Christmas outfit)
• One pound of 15-year-old Wisconsin Cheddar Cheese (Duh)
• Ab Belt by Sport Elec (Because of the whole cheese addiction thing)
• Tokidoki Barbie Doll (With a Cactus Friend named Bastardino. I shit you not.)
• ’67-’69 Camaro Trunk Lid (It’d make a great coffee table.)

Where do you think this (potential) money would be best spent?

Oh, and wait.. All of this is only possible if I win the contest. So, stop reading. Now. Go vote. I’ll even list the link again so you don’t have to scroll back up. I know how exhausting that can be.

www.midlifecollage.com