FIVE Things You Need to be a Church Lady

My daughter and I are doing a play together again this summer. (Anyone remember last year?) This year’s production is a tribute to the music of Elvis Presley entitled All Shook Up which is set in a conservative, small town in Somewheresville, USA in the 1950s. All of my costumes need to reflect that setting. So I hit the streets (streets = thrift stores) recently with a few fellow cast members to try getting some of these ensembles together. Want to hear about the craziest costume I’ll be wearing?

Well, of course you do.

I’ll even teach you how to mimic the look for yourself at home. Because you know you want to.


1. A dress or skirt set.

Preferably fire-retardant, non-breathable polyester in a pattern previously only reserved for sofas and curtains.

2. Sensible shoes.

They can’t have any style to them whatsoever. And they can’t be something that would aggravate your bunions, corns or hammertoes.

3. A purse, clutched tightly.

To keep things like used tissues, bibles and vials of holy water handy. For when you need to sneeze. Or condemn someone to Hell.

4. A scarf or hat.

Because no proper lady leaves home with her head uncovered.

5. A cane or a walker.

 They can double as weapons when necessary. (It’s often necessary.)

Hmmmm. I probably need to start working on my old lady posture. And mannerisms. Oooh, and maybe I’ll get my teeth pulled. Seriously, THAT’S commitment to the character.

Brando Schmando.


June is Blog Post by Numbers Month. Wanna play with Mel and me? Just write a “listy-type” post with a number in the title (ex. FOUR Reasons I Love Mayonnaise, SIX Things You Can Do With A Paper Clip). Then link back to us and tweet us about it so we can include you on June 30th in our final list: (Number-Yet-To-Be-Determined) Great Bloggers Who Played the Blog Post by Numbers Game!

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6 responses to “FIVE Things You Need to be a Church Lady

  1. Pulling teeth?!? That would totally be Academy Award worthy! (Isn’t that the one for movies and such? I always get those awards confused.)

  2. Pull your teeth? Now isn’t THAT special?

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