Tag Archives: blog posts by numbers game

TEN Reasons I … No, I’m NOT Making Another List!

Posted on June 12, 2014 | Leave a comment

So it’s almost the halfway mark in this ~~cotton-picking~~ … ~~God-forsaken~~ … string-of expletives-you-STILL-can’t-say-on-TV Blog Posts by Number Game I’ve created for myself. You remember, right? It’s the game where I’m supposed to make a list of something for every freakin’ day of this month. And I would LOVE to take a day off from this foolishness. I am NOT doing it again today.

Why???

Seriously? You want to know?

Fine. I’ll tell you.

Because I’m tired.
Because I’m in a play that opens today and we’ve practiced daily for weeks.
Because sometimes when I write a list it’s 3am and I should be asleep.
Because I wrote one yesterday and yesterday was my birthday.
Because I’m whiny.
Because I have a life … I think.
Because I’m now not so sure I have a life and I need to ponder this issue.
Because it’s hard to keep coming up with ideas.
Because it’s hard to keep coming up with GOOD ideas.
BECAUSE YESTERDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY!

Wait … Did I accidentally just make another list? Damn it.

June is Blog Post by Numbers Month. Wanna play with Mel and me? Just write a “listy-type” post with a number in the title (ex. FOUR Reasons I Love Mayonnaise, SIX Things You Can Do With A Paper Clip). Then link back to us and tweet us about it so we can include you on June 30th in our final list: (Number-Yet-To-Be-Determined) Great Bloggers Who Played the Blog Post by Numbers Game!

FIVE Things You Need to be a Church Lady

Posted on June 10, 2014 | 6 comments

My daughter and I are doing a play together again this summer. (Anyone remember last year?) This year’s production is a tribute to the music of Elvis Presley entitled All Shook Up which is set in a conservative, small town in Somewheresville, USA in the 1950s. All of my costumes need to reflect that setting. So I hit the streets (streets = thrift stores) recently with a few fellow cast members to try getting some of these ensembles together. Want to hear about the craziest costume I’ll be wearing?

Well, of course you do.

I’ll even teach you how to mimic the look for yourself at home. Because you know you want to.

1. A dress or skirt set.

Preferably fire-retardant, non-breathable polyester in a pattern previously only reserved for sofas and curtains.

2. Sensible shoes.

They can’t have any style to them whatsoever. And they can’t be something that would aggravate your bunions, corns or hammertoes.

3. A purse, clutched tightly.

To keep things like used tissues, bibles and vials of holy water handy. For when you need to sneeze. Or condemn someone to Hell.

4. A scarf or hat.

Because no proper lady leaves home with her head uncovered.

5. A cane or a walker.

They can double as weapons when necessary. (It’s often necessary.)

Hmmmm. I probably need to start working on my old lady posture. And mannerisms. Oooh, and maybe I’ll get my teeth pulled. Seriously, THAT’S commitment to the character.

Brando Schmando.

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Tagged blog posts by numbers game, church lady costume, dana carvey, how to look like an old lady

SIX Dance Recital Costume Changes

Posted on June 7, 2014 | 6 comments

Quick! What do you do when you have a work assignment, volleyball camp, play practice and a four-hour dance recital for which you must actually be there helping for eight hours … and you’ve promised yourself that you’d follow through on this ~~dangblasted~~ … ~~WAY stronger word than dangblasted~~ … fun and creative daily Blog Posts by Numbers thing?

Duh. You find your post from the activities in which you’re already immersed.

And, with that, I give you, Vivien’s SIX Dance Recital Costume Changes. (I think she’s ready to host the Oscars.)

1. Jazz

2. Song

3. Tap

4. Musical Theater

5. Ballet

6. Finale

I’m so proud of that kid. She performed beautifully last night. Oh, and I want to send a special shout out to Miss Jaune, Viv’s adorably talented dance teacher and a supporter of ODNT. Congratulations on another great show.

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FIVE Things I Hate About Summer

Posted on June 5, 2014 | 5 comments

After yesterday’s post, you guys had to see this coming, right? 1. Humidity.

Also known as frizzy hair, pit stains and a massive increase in laundry.

2. Mosquitos.

Because my choices are West Nile or some kind of cancer we discover in the future caused by the “harmless” repellents we’re all using now.

3. No new TV.

Actually, since it’s 2014, there are probably lots of shows on different networks that are, in fact, still airing new programming. But, since the only shows I watch these days are Modern Family and Grey’s Anatomy, I’m screwed until the fall.

4. Smaller clothing.

Also known as bathing suits. Damn it. Bathing suits. Seriously, world?

5. Increase in Mom guilt.

Because when I do anything like try to get some work done, write this blog post or, you know, take a shower, I feel guilty that I’m ignoring my kids who are now home 24/7. And hitting me with “I’m bored!” just a few too many dozen times each day.

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FIVE Things I Love About Summer

Posted on June 4, 2014 | 6 comments

1. No schedules. And what I really mean by that is no early mornings. Except this morning. When we had to wake up at 7am. For volleyball camp. Seriously, what the hell is the matter with me?

2. No homework. Because, let’s face it, the kids passed me mathematically two years ago. And the school year represents ten months of daily humiliation with the kids looking at me with pity in their eyes, resisting the urge to pat me on the head and say, “Poor Mama. Poor … stupid … Mama.”

3. Vacations. Sure, they make me a little anxious, but I love seeing new places … or favorite places … or just different places … with my family. Plus I like the break from the daily grind of laundry, bill paying, cat box changing, etc.

4. Late bedtimes. Where I can do something crazy like put a movie on with the kids at 10pm. (Ahem) And sometimes the running time is longer than two hours!

5. Getting together with friends. During the school year, I usually see my friends for things like PTA meetings and other school functions. But during the summer, it’s just for fun. We pick the hours, the place and, most importantly, the menu!

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There’s a Big Sequel Coming Out this Fall (Plus My EIGHT Favorite Movie Animals)

Posted on June 3, 2014 | 4 comments

Mel and I were asked by our good friends at Grace Hill Media to help promote another movie coming out soon. Anyone remember Dolphin Tale? Well, its sequel (aptly titled Dolphin Tale 2) will be released this September 19. Here’s the proof!

So mark your calendars … and mark your kids’ calendars (Wait! Your kids have calendars???) … for this special event coming in the fall!

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of movies … and animals … and movies about animals, I think it’s time for another Blog Posts by Number entry. Today’s installment?

1.Benji

I grew up with this adorable mutt. The other actors in the movie could not have been weaker, but Benji was amazing. He had me completely convinced he was a dog!

2. Babe

I’ve never met a sweeter pig. And I know a lot of pigs, you guys.

3. Milo

Is it any wonder we opted to name our much bitier cat after him? Somebody told me there was a dog (named Otis or Olaf or something) in that movie, too. He must have faded into the background for me. Between Milo the cat and Dudley Moore’s narration, I was already captivated.

4. Cujo

I saw this movie when I was entirely too young for it. And I almost showed it to my kids accidentally a few years ago. Until Dave reminded me it was rated R! Oops.

5. Jaws

These movies are classics. And when I say “these,” I’m only referring to the first two. The Roy Scheider years. After he left, the Jaws franchise was dead to me.

6. Dory

The dopey little fish voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, my home girl from New Orleans. (Can I pull that off?) (Nah. I didn’t so.)

7. Remy

Oh, how I love that adorable, culinarily-gifted rodent. So much so that my kids gave me the complete Ratatouille action figure set for Mother’s Day that year.

8.Templeton

From Charlotte’s Webb. And, while I love Steve Buscemi, I’m talking about the animated version voiced by Paul Lynde. Because what beats an ornery old gay rat?

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Tagged blog posts by numbers game, dolphin tale 2, favorite animal movies, grace hill media

SIX Things I’m Anal About

Posted on June 2, 2014 | 8 comments

1. My hair being perfectly straightened.

My flat iron is easily the most expensive thing I own, aside from my wedding ring. I’m usually pretty frugal about everything I buy. But I use this thing every day. Sometimes more than once a day. So it has to be gooooood.

2. Everything being put away at my house.

There’s a saying that goes “A place for everything and everything in its place.” And it’s an unwritten rule at my house. Everything must have an actual place that it’s stored. It makes tidying up a snap. But … before you label me a clean freak, let me teach you something that I must explain to every visitor to my home who says, “Your house is so clean.” It’s not true. It’s a lie. I’m a fraud. Because there are cat-hair tumbleweeds in every corner of my house … and dusty furniture … and toothpaste-crushed bathroom counters. Because I am not a clean freak. I am a neat freak. There’s a difference. (Gosh, I wish I was a clean freak.)

3. Packing for vacation.

I absolutely hate it. Like it’s likely to inspire a whole different post this month. But it’s probably because I make it harder than it needs to be by making lists and creating ensembles and trying everything on before I pack it. As much as I love vacations, packing for them is pure misery.

4. Misspellings.

They jump off pages, signs, screens, bathroom walls, labels and other people’s correspondence to me. It’s an absolute curse. And when I realize that *I’ve* made a spelling error, it’s crippling. Even though, honestly, it’s almost always due to a typo. Because I can’t type but I’m a damned good speller. Plus I’m ANAL!

5. My Christmas Card picture.

How can I NOT be anal about it? It’s the one and only thing I send out to every member of my family as well as scads of friends across the country each year. So, shortly after Thanksgiving, I begin scouring my annual supply of photos for the perfect shot or shots to sum us up as a family. And my head starts swimming with questions: “Do we look happy?” “Do I look skinny?” “Should it be from vacation or at home?” “Did we have any special milestones that should be featured here?” “DEAR GOD! ARE THE PETS REPRESENTED?!!?”

6. Challenges I impose on myself like this Blog Posts by Number Game.

I back myself into a corner. A lot. And I make plans or deals with myself that aren’t always very realistic. But I like to see things through. Even though sometimes I should probably know when to quit and just walk away.

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Tag Archives: blog posts by numbers game

TEN Reasons I … No, I’m NOT Making Another List!

FIVE Things You Need to be a Church Lady