Tag Archives: Don’t you think that’s some information I would like to know?

A Year-End Report on ODNT – even though we just launched in late August

As ODNT is still very young, I’m continuing to learn the ins and out of this WordPress software that houses our little blog, which recently turned four months old. My kids were neither sleeping through the night nor eating solid foods (perhaps those two were related?) at that point so I’m still calling this stage the infancy of this blog.

Anyway, while we haven’t quite lifted our big, bulbous baby heads off the floor yet or started babbling (yeah, actually, I’ve done my share of that, haven’t I?), we have hit a lot of nice little milestones around here. And I thought I’d share some of the more interesting findings I came across in the end of the year report provided to me by WordPress about our new baby, ODNT.

Since its inception on 8/22/11 – we have gotten more than 18, 350 hits. No, I have no idea how that compares to anything …. but it sure sounds good to me!

The busiest day of the year for viewership was December 2, right after my surgery was completed. (Sniff. Thanks, Y’all.)

The most viewed posts of the year were Shall We Play a Game?, Prologue, How about Another Game – Let’s Play Boobs Around the World, The Pathology Report is In and Boobs + Mean Girl Barbies + Naked Mole Rats = Versatile Blogger.

The most commented on post of the year was Shall We Play a Game? Across the board, we heard from people hailing from 6 of the 7 continents. I’m excusing Antarctica as I imagine it’s very difficult to type with frostbitten appendages. But, to everyone else, I’m asking you to make it a resolution to SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME IN 2012! There’s nothing I like better than seeing a new comment on one of my postings. Okay, well maybe my kids … or cheese … or a masseuse who genuinely understands the meaning of ‘deep tissue’ massage … but you get the point.

I want to thank most sincerely the biggest referrers to ODNT:

The ten most popular searches for this blog (and I am omitting the endless results using the words “tits,” “boobs” or “breasts” in them – Sheesh!) are listed below:

(1) Norma StitzTechnically, this one is boob-related … but the search didn’t include any of the above words. Because people know this woman … by name! Plus, I got like a ka-billion hits thanks to her famous attributes so I thought she earned the title spot here.

(2) Don’t you think that’s some information I would like to know? – If you haven’t seen this AT&T commercial, turn on your damned TV, you high-browed hippies. My family and I think it’s funny enough that we weave into almost as many conversations as Seinfeld references. And I managed to work it into two blog posts so when you google it, I’m second up.

(3) 50/50, the movie – I wrote a simple little movie review for this film when I caught it with my friend, Kelley, a while back. Sure bought me a lot of traffic. Good movie, too, if you don’t mind a little Seth Rogen playing Seth Rogen.

(4) Royal Bitch/Sweet Bitch/Sassy Bitch wine – I guess you just can’t beat a wine label with a bitch-slapping, bad ass name. Wait, that could be the label on my bottle ….

(5) Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time/BAND-AIDWhat can I say? A child of the 80s writes the post she’s been wanting to write for decades. And, apparently, the world still loves the old song as much as she does.

(6) On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me funny sayings Gosh, I hope my post lived up to their ‘funny’ expectations.

(7) The Ultimate Wedding DressHoly crap! How disappointed do you think these brides-to-be were when they saw my sweet girl’s real-cherry-pits-sewn-into-the-ruffle design. Or wait! Maybe I should have attached a sizing chart and order form!

(8) Humor family comment or blog Yay! My name came up. But … oh, God … the pressure! And it was probably one of those days that I wrote a “very special episode of ODNT.” Sigh.

(9) How to get hair dye out of pillowcasesDouble crap! My post only talks about creating the stain. There’s no assistance offered in removing it. I’m picturing some pretty pissed off redheads right about now.

(10) The Mass on my LungWell, here’s one of the few places where my musings might have actually helped someone. Here’s hoping they did.

And one more … to grow on …

Wrinkly, small penisYou had to see this one coming, right? Can you imagine the reactions of these googlers when they were … mistakenly … introduced to my little friend, the naked mole rat? I still can’t believe ‘naked mole rat’ wasn’t among the search terms. I need to get those little weasels on the map!


Fun Facts about My Surgery Recuperation

If you lay around in bed and eat nothing but comfort food for weeks, you can in fact somehow lose weight.  Why have I been dieting and exercising all these years?

You shouldn’t address Christmas cards while on strong medication.  Or else some of your friends will get multiple holiday greetings and others will get none.

A Mylar balloon, if well cared for, can last well over two weeks in a good home.  I have received no compensation from balloonplanet.com, birthdayinabox.com or any other balloon purveyors for this endorsement.

Try as you might, even if you unsubscribe to every piece of electronic junk mail you receive, that crap will still follow you.  I guess there’s no escaping the Nigerian millionaire who needs my help in transferring his money or, you know, Lillian Vernon.

I’ve got at least twelve outfits that I can work without a bra.  True, some of them are pajamas, but still. Good to know.

When you haven’t worn make-up for weeks, any amount of it will make you feel like a drag queen.  Yes, I used that joke yesterday.  It’s funny ’cause it’s true.  So, I’m using it again, damn it!

I now have a bit of a phobia of high heels … for fear of a painful spill. It’s Mary Jane flats and (shudder) tennis shoes, all the time.  I must shed this fear before holiday parties.

I haven’t cooked a bite of food since November.  Seriously, there has been enough food delivered to my doorstep to feed an army.  Obviously, I have an amazing support system of friends. Oh, but my family is going to be SO disappointed when the dinner choice returns to El Paso taco kit or Hot Pockets.

The red, very alcohol-y body wash they give you as surgical prep also makes a great leg shaving lubricant.  Although its red pigmentation makes it hard to distinguish from blood and thus to determine if you’ve broken the skin with the razor. Which could be problematic, so it’s a good thing that the solution is “alcohol-y.”

The adhesive used on modern day surgical bandages should be used for brick-laying, dental repair or possibly even advanced rocket construction.  It’s been 14 days and I’m still sporting some of this gunk on my back.

That dry shampoo stuff our grandmothers talked about all this time really does work.  Alright, so I already knew that.  This stuff is great.  I’m gross and I’ve been using it for years!

When I first posted my good news (the benign verdict) on Twitter, I lost 6 followers within 60 seconds. I’m guessing the drama has gone out of my story???

The average rating for my post about my benign verdict was four out of five stars, meaning that some of you rated it three or less.  Okay, now you’re just being mean.

When you don’t do anything meaningful with your hands for two weeks, you realize that your nails have never looked more beautiful.  Of course, the second you’re upright again, they split, crack and fall off your fingertips in sad little shards of their former glory.  So, take pictures!

Sleeping begets more sleeping.  Honestly, if you don’t get your ass up eventually, you might as well commit yourself to a lifetime of taking all your meals and visitors in your bed.  Sure, that sounds good now, but I think most of you would eventually get bored. Most.

A purple pillow pet makes for an excellent coughing-and-protecting-your-gut apparatus.  They’re also excellent listeners and well-skilled in the ancient art of feng shui.  My remote control, Chapstick and Kleenex box have never been in greater harmony with the universe.  (Okay, NOW who’s being mean?)

When you’re confined to your bed, you don’t watch TV nearly as much as you’d think.  I would have expected that it’s all I would have done.  And yet, some days the set didn’t even go on. Pathetic. What was I thinking?!!?

Your cat doesn’t care that you’ve just had surgery and will treat you in the same crappy manner as always.  He thinks his ‘tough love’ method will work but I think it’s put a wall up between us that will be hard to break down.

Narcotic pain medication combined with surgery can wreak havoc on your digestive system, making for a very irregular lifestyle. Don’t you think that’s some information I would like to know???


Just indulge me with ONE more day of Naked Mole Rat blogging

I thought I was done with Naked Mole Rats with yesterday’s post but clearly I had just opened the door to today’s addiction. So, in an effort to avoid Black Friday shopping and appear busy at my house, I embarked on a quest to learn all things Naked Mole Rat. And then to tweet every little factoid I could find to the mostly never-met-me-before strangers who foolishly elected to ‘follow’ me on Twitter. Poor, unsuspecting tweeters … twitterers … nerds … whatever we’re calling ourselves these days.

(Oh, yeah. And I attached a picture to nearly every tweet – always one of the two from yesterday’s post, unless I included a different one here.)

So, here are today’s Naked Mole Rat tweets … in chronological order:

I plan to use this yucky fella in several tweets today until he scores us some retweets. Think he’s up to the task?

He & Mr. Bigglesworth could co-star in the new nauseating version of ‘Tom & Jerry.’

Naked Mole Rats – It’s like holding a warm ziploc of tiny bones.

The only two food sources I find for Naked Mole Rats are tubers & their own feces. As if their lives weren’t sad enough.

Throngs of shoppers are out killing themselves for Black Friday. I’m home googling facts about Naked Mole Rats. I ask you – Who’s the idiot?

Eating feces not enough? Naked Mole Rats also ‘wear’ it as a means of identifying other members of the same colony.

I think HUMAN gangs should be required to adhere to the same ritual.

WAY boring until 1:30 when it shifts gears to play the most AWESOME Naked Mole Rat anthem you’ve ever heard. (This video can be found at the end of this post.)

Everyone’s tweeting about Naked Mole Rats with ODNT. Don’t you think that’s some information I would like to know? I like Naked Mole Rats.

This is Eric’s pet & the MAIN reason he gave Bill the creeps. Still, they both got invited to the taco party.

As promised, the youtube video with the Naked Mole Rat Anthem is below. Please remember that this catchy blues tune doesn’t begin until 1:30. The content before that will very likely lull you into a coma. Also, don’t blame me if you suddenly find yourselves singing this haunting melody in the shower, the car or even on the job. Personally, I’m saving it for my daughter’s wedding dance. If she were marrying today at age 9, she’d completely agree. We’ll see what happens in the future. Crossing fingers …

Okay. I think I am finally done with these icky little guys.

Thanks for listening while I got it all out of my system.