ultimate wedding dress | OldDogNewTits

As ODNT is still very young, I’m continuing to learn the ins and out of this WordPress software that houses our little blog, which recently turned four months old. My kids were neither sleeping through the night nor eating solid foods (perhaps those two were related?) at that point so I’m still calling this stage the infancy of this blog.

Anyway, while we haven’t quite lifted our big, bulbous baby heads off the floor yet or started babbling (yeah, actually, I’ve done my share of that, haven’t I?), we have hit a lot of nice little milestones around here. And I thought I’d share some of the more interesting findings I came across in the end of the year report provided to me by WordPress about our new baby, ODNT.

Since its inception on 8/22/11 – we have gotten more than 18, 350 hits. No, I have no idea how that compares to anything …. but it sure sounds good to me!

The busiest day of the year for viewership was December 2, right after my surgery was completed. (Sniff. Thanks, Y’all.)

The most viewed posts of the year were Shall We Play a Game?, Prologue, How about Another Game – Let’s Play Boobs Around the World, The Pathology Report is In and Boobs + Mean Girl Barbies + Naked Mole Rats = Versatile Blogger.

The most commented on post of the year was Shall We Play a Game? Across the board, we heard from people hailing from 6 of the 7 continents. I’m excusing Antarctica as I imagine it’s very difficult to type with frostbitten appendages. But, to everyone else, I’m asking you to make it a resolution to SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME IN 2012! There’s nothing I like better than seeing a new comment on one of my postings. Okay, well maybe my kids … or cheese … or a masseuse who genuinely understands the meaning of ‘deep tissue’ massage … but you get the point.

I want to thank most sincerely the biggest referrers to ODNT:

The ten most popular searches for this blog (and I am omitting the endless results using the words “tits,” “boobs” or “breasts” in them – Sheesh!) are listed below:

(1) Norma Stitz – Technically, this one is boob-related … but the search didn’t include any of the above words. Because people know this woman … by name! Plus, I got like a ka-billion hits thanks to her famous attributes so I thought she earned the title spot here.

(2) Don’t you think that’s some information I would like to know? – If you haven’t seen this AT&T commercial, turn on your damned TV, you high-browed hippies. My family and I think it’s funny enough that we weave into almost as many conversations as Seinfeld references. And I managed to work it into two blog posts so when you google it, I’m second up.

(3) 50/50, the movie – I wrote a simple little movie review for this film when I caught it with my friend, Kelley, a while back. Sure bought me a lot of traffic. Good movie, too, if you don’t mind a little Seth Rogen playing Seth Rogen.

(4) Royal Bitch/Sweet Bitch/Sassy Bitch wine – I guess you just can’t beat a wine label with a bitch-slapping, bad ass name. Wait, that could be the label on my bottle ….

(5) Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time/BAND-AID – What can I say? A child of the 80s writes the post she’s been wanting to write for decades. And, apparently, the world still loves the old song as much as she does.

(6) On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me funny sayings – Gosh, I hope my post lived up to their ‘funny’ expectations.

(7) The Ultimate Wedding Dress – Holy crap! How disappointed do you think these brides-to-be were when they saw my sweet girl’s real-cherry-pits-sewn-into-the-ruffle design. Or wait! Maybe I should have attached a sizing chart and order form!

(8) Humor family comment or blog – Yay! My name came up. But … oh, God … the pressure! And it was probably one of those days that I wrote a “very special episode of ODNT.” Sigh.

(9) How to get hair dye out of pillowcases – Double crap! My post only talks about creating the stain. There’s no assistance offered in removing it. I’m picturing some pretty pissed off redheads right about now.

(10) The Mass on my Lung – Well, here’s one of the few places where my musings might have actually helped someone. Here’s hoping they did.

And one more … to grow on …

Wrinkly, small penis – You had to see this one coming, right? Can you imagine the reactions of these googlers when they were … mistakenly … introduced to my little friend, the naked mole rat? I still can’t believe ‘naked mole rat’ wasn’t among the search terms. I need to get those little weasels on the map!

I love ‘Fall Back’ weekend. The extra hour I get always feels like three or four to me and, frankly, I think we should do it every weekend. Who among us can’t use the spare time?

By the time my head hit the pillow last night, I was exhausted from my extra hour (that I had actually used for sleeping the night prior so I really can’t explain my fatigue). I slept decently (despite the cat’s hourly efforts at sabotage) and woke up pretty easily since the sun rose earlier. I figured maybe my kids would, too. Wrong.

When I went into my son’s room, I found him sound asleep and fairly unresponsive to my (sometimes literal) wake up song and dance, as is the norm on any day where school is in session. When I went into my daughter’s room, I found her equally unconscious. But when I pulled back her covers to wake her, I discovered that she was already dressed for the day. Apparently, she woke up bright and early on her own this morning, glanced at her as-yet-unchanged little girl watch and dressed for school in the den by herself. She never found it odd that her parents and older brother were all still out cold in their beds. Then, at some point, seeing the accurate kitchen clock and realizing her mistake, she decided simply to return to her room and grab an extra hour of sleep. Which is how I found her all tucked away in her bed.

But what a timesaver it was this morning!

Anyway, in honor of my little nut job, I am sharing yet another drawing she prepared specifically for this blog. I’m not sure why she’s designing wedding gowns now but I don’t usually ask such questions. And I’m wondering what my friend, Suzanne (a professional designer in this industry) will think of her very unique creation. I mean, there are cherry pits actually sewn into the ruffle. You saw it here first, my friends.

Introducing the Ultimate Wedding Dress …