Tag Archives: katy perry

ODNT’s Answer to The 12 Days of Christmas


If this holiday-themed retrospective was on 1970s variety show television, it would have been done as a montage-style flashback. You would have been treated to lavish Bob Mackie-esque costuming, elaborate set changes and interstitial vocal performances by Country & Western guest stars like Dolly Parton and Glen Campbell. There would be Osmond-quality sketch comedy featuring such talents as Rich Little, Don Rickles and Ruth Buzzi. Plus, there would very likely be ice dancing. Unfortunately, you’ve only got me. And my trusty sidekick, the MacBook Pro. But we’ve worked hard for you tonight on this nostalgic walk down memory lane. Won’t you join us as we take a look at some of our many laughs together here at ODNT? (cue the cheesy music please) ….

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a website called ODNT.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me six doppelgängers, five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me seven sets of man boobs, six doppelgängers, five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me eight Katy searches, seven sets of man boobs, six doppelgängers, five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me nine boob occasions, eight Katy searches, seven sets of man boobs, six doppelgängers, five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ten funny trip quotes, nine boob occasions, eight Katy searches, seven sets of man boobs, six doppelgängers, five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me eleven tweets on mole rats, ten funny trip quotes, nine boob occasions, eight Katy searches, seven sets of man boobs, six doppelgängers, five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me twelve* boob job experts, eleven tweets on mole rats, ten funny trip quotes, nine boob occasions, eight Katy searches, seven sets of man boobs, six doppelgängers, five boob doctors, four bitchy Barbies, three daughter posts, two guest writers and a website called ODNT.

* Because I now fancy myself a bit of an expert, too.

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The first appointment is scheduled! (Silent scream)


Okay, so how long can I write about National Boob Holidays, 83-year-olds getting implants and Katy Perry, right? Well, yes, I’ve been vamping and waiting a little … due to nerves and little scheduling obstacles (who I refer to casually as my kids) … to act on everything. Then, yesterday, I had a spare moment of clarity … as in no one needing Latin help, a litter box changed, new tap shoes or a clean flag football jersey … so I jumped on it.

I called the first doctor recommended to me, half expecting her office to say they couldn’t see me until late January or something. So, you can just imagine my surprise when the receptionist booked me for this Tuesday (THIS TUESDAY!) at 9:30am. I think I just tasted my breakfast a second time today.

But … it’s only a consultation. (It’s only a consultation. It’s only a consultation. It’s only a consultation.) And, even more, it’s only four miles from my front door … and it’s free. I can’t think of an easier way to slink into the meat of this whole project. So then, WHY am I sweating?

I am not going alone. So far, I have three wonderful friends (Vanessa, Melissa and Virginia)  who have offered to come with me to these initial … and I’m guessing pretty humbling … appointments. (I’m sure my mom will figure into this equation at some point, too.) I approached these three girlfriends about this first appointment and heard from Vanessa first.

Me – You’re probably going to have to see me naked from the waist up. I’m so sorry.

Vanessa – That’s okay. I’ll just take my top off, too.

Me – You’re a good friend.

Vanessa – Wait. Just got a text. I have a hair appointment Tuesday morning so I might have to leave early if I come.

Me – That’s fine. Let me call Melissa or Virginia.

Vanessa – I still want to get that coffee we keep talking about.

Me – Sure. This week.

Vanessa – Maybe when we go for coffee, I can take my top off there and score us a couple of free lattes!

Me – You’d do that for me?

Vanessa – I think I need to go put some self-tanner on.

So, looks like Vanessa won’t be making it this time. Not to worry. All of my friends are hilarious. It’s why I keep them around really. Each is funnier than the last.

Virginia’s coming along for the ride this time. And she’s already mentioned going for an early lunch after the appointment. The consultation is supposed to last only 45 minutes “unless,” the receptionist adds, “you have more questions that need answering.”

These poor people have NO idea.

So send me your ideas for questions … please!

What should I be asking? What questions would YOU want answered?

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Katy Perry and her troublemaking boobs


Okay, so just yesterday, I wrote that I don’t think about boobs every day … and then I went to a Katy Perry concert last night.  Try NOT to think about boobs at a concert where the megastar kicks off the show wearing a Candyland-inspired dress complete with spinning peppermint boob décor.   A google search for a picture of the minty dress revealed that her boobs have apparently been a hot topic in the news over the years.  Among the humorous results:

 — Katy Perry ET Big Boobs Bouncing Live Performance Firework Divas

— Katy Perry shows her breasts – You Tube

— Katy Perry’s Boobs – Exposed! Katy Perry’s Exclusive – You Tube

— Jessi J: Katy Perry’s boobs are amazing

— Flavorwire – The Top Ten Katy Perry Boob Moments

— Katy Perry and Her Boobs were on SNL Last Night

— Katy Perry’s Mom Hates Her Breasts

and …. my hands-down favorite …

— Katy Perry’s Breasts Get ‘Sesame Street’ Ban

 The VERY BENIGN video is below.  Fairly prudish, if you ask me.

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