The Grievance Letter I Just HAD to Write at 11:24pm Tonight

Dear Nickelodeon,

Re: Programming Department

My kids have been big fans of your work for years. And, if you promise not to tell, I’ll even admit that I love Drake & Josh and iCarly and (cough) can quote the characters as well as any kid out there. Lately, my daughter and I have been watching old episodes of Full House together. She watches it like it’s brand new and I watch it for the nostalgia. Yes, I know. That’s the whole point, right? Anyway, kudos on the decision to air a show my ten-year-old can watch (excitedly) in lieu of so much of the other reality trash being aired simultaneously on the competing networks. It’s a good feeling to know that I can pop in and out of the room when needed and she won’t be exposed to anything inappropriate.

Re: Advertising Department

Someone in your department needs to be fired. Or at least have his XBox privileges taken away for a week. Picture it … my ten-year-old daughter and I are curled up on the sofa enjoying the wholesome, 80s, Olsen-ness of Full House together. Then the show cuts to a series of commercials … running shoes, Flo from Progressive, Cox Communications … and then this one:

As soon as it began playing, my daughter screamed in fear and pulled the throw blanket over her head. While I was frantically grabbing for the remote trying to find the stupid mute button. And then, at the next break, it all aired AGAIN! Which prompts me to ask you two questions:

  1. What the (BLEEP! See how easy censoring can be) were you thinking?!!?

  2. May I have your department head’s home number so that I may call him/her at 2am tonight when my daughter wakes up traumatized by the terrifying images she saw on your network?

Re: My Reply from You

Please do not ignore my email. I am posting this entire letter on my blog ( and am sure that everyone who reads it will want to hear your explanation just as much as I do.

Anxiously awaiting your reply,

Michele R. Poche



19 responses to “The Grievance Letter I Just HAD to Write at 11:24pm Tonight

  1. Yay, you! I can handle commercials telling my kids to harangue me for crap they don’t need but this kind of thing is NOT OKAY. EVER. It’d be bad enough if that commercial came on during one of *my* shows (I may not sleep between that and a scary-ass Pinterest thing I saw) but not on a kid’s channel at any hour. I’m so glad you let these corporate behemoths know that they’re not going to quietly get away with being dumbasses any longer – and that you share it with us! 🙂

  2. Yeah. That’s insane. Good job! Let us know what happens.

  3. I AM A GROWN ASS WOMAN and that commercial freaks the heck out of me…Why would they do that???!!!! Its not like the key demographic of Nick can even purchase tickets to see THE DAMN MOVIE SO WHY ADVERTISE IT?!? i know on the Canadian equivelant channel, they will play it too, but not until after 10 and they stop showing it at 5 when the “CHILDRENS PROGRAMMING” begins.

    • These types of things give me nightmares all the time. Frankly, they make it hard to get up during the night to pee. And, if I feel this way, I can only imagine how a kid would interpret them.

      Bad call. Just bad.

      Thanks, Katie.

  4. What the hell? I don’t think the networks would even play that until after a certain time. That freaked me out!

  5. Someone’s proverbial head needs to roll for tainting Olsen Full House goodness with that evil possessed shit! What the fuck was that? (I will be having night terror for weeks btw) Were the cherubic Olsen twins not moments earlier giggling with their hot ass uncle John? Nikelodeon you suck!

    • I will admit … There I was, all distracted by Uncle Jesse and wrapped up in the warm blanket of childhood nostalgia, when the devil himself sat beside me on the sofa.

      (Okay, that comment was fun to write.)

      Thanks, Susan. Here’s hoping we hear something.

  6. “The Last Exorcism: PART TWO – we really mean it, it’s the last one. Totes.”
    This reminds me of a store nearby that had a going out of business sale once or twice a year.

  7. Although, I cant wait to see the movie. I 100% agree with you! Let me know when you get a reply..

  8. What the Hell? On a kids’ network? Seriously? No way!!! That scared me!!!
    Go get ’em, Michele!!!

    • “On it!” she said leaping from her chair. As she bolted for the exit, she tripped over her own feet and managed to slam head first into the wall. As the supportive onlookers wearily shook their heads in unison, she stood up, put her left shoe back on and ran out the door. And she didn’t stop until she reached the doors of the big corporation.

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  10. Let me guess, they never got back to you? I record “Umizoomi” for my kids. It’s a cartoon on Nick Jr (JUNIOR) for little ones. Guess what came up after the show was over…Nick Mom…she was visiting a nudist colony. A NUDIST COLONY!!!! All of the ‘important’ body parts were blurred out but I did NOT enjoy explaining to my kids why people were walking around naked as we ate our breakfast. Nickelodeon, shame on you!!!!!!!

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