Monthly Archives: July 2014

My Long Weekend in Memphis (in Pictures)

Posted on July 31, 2014 | 4 comments

Technically, we were still home for this pathetic display. But I always find Milo’s defiance regarding our family travel both entertaining and pitiful.

Here’s where we stayed. (Note: I’m lying.) Pictured is the historic Peabody Hotel in downtown Memphis which is directly across the street from our hotel, the Holiday Inn Express. For the record, the HIE was perfectly adequate. Plus it rented for only one-third of the price. But for old world charm and pageantry … there’s no place like the Peabody. (clicking heels)

Well, yeah. Of COURSE we visited Graceland. Remember the Elvis play Viv and I did together last month? It was sort of the whole reason for this ~~pilgrimage~~ trip.

And it did not fail to impress. Not one bit. It’s now officially added to my time travel list. (Yes, I have such a list.)

Seriously, I am standing in Elvis’s kitchen … fighting the crippling urge to rifle through all the drawers and cabinets. And run up the (off-limits) stairs to say hi to Elv-I mean, “whoever” is up there.

Here’s where he makes his smoothies, you guys! Okay, fine. Where he MADE his smoothies. (rolling eyes)

And here’s the swing set where Lisa Marie spent her childhood. (Does anyone else hear a creepy, off-key music box and ghostly whispers?)

Interesting fact: Elvis died two years before his own father (Vernon Elvis) who, in turn, died a year before his own mother, Elvis’s Granny (Minnie Mae). That’s some weird family chronology.

I can’t tell you how glad I am to have gotten the chance to see Elvis’s planes (especially the interior of the Lisa Marie) before they’re removed from Graceland by their new owners next year. With 24K gold seat belts and a phone that could call any landline in the world (how was that even possible back then?), I’m sorry I didn’t buy it first.

We also visited the FedExForum, home of the Grizzlies, in honor of my boy, Dean …

… and Beale Street, where Viv and I taught Gigi how to take a selfie (Viv did it in one try, it took me two and Gigi three – guess that’s a sign of the times) …

… and, of course, the March of the Ducks at the Peabody Hotel. They hold it twice daily. We went so many times (cough … five!) that I’m now suffering from withdrawal.

Because me in a girly red jacket prodding Milo and Herve with an old umbrella to waddle down the hallway in single file to a Sousa march just isn’t the same.

Thanks, Memphis, for a great weekend.

Wonder where we’ll go for our next girls’ trip.

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Tagged elvis presley, graceland, march of the ducks, memphis, peabody hotel

9 Things I’d Rather Be Doing Right Now

Posted on July 24, 2014 | 13 comments

1. Sleeping. Yep. That probably makes me pretty dull. But I love it. And I very seldom get enough of it. Especially when I’m actually lying down in bed in the middle of the night with pajamas on.

2. Getting a massage. I so love being on a massage table. And yet, right now, I’m the jackass at the keyboard writing about getting massaged.

3. Eating cheese. You guys had to see this one coming, right?

4. Watching a movie. I love movies. I could watch them all day. And yet, compared to the average person, I’ve seen so very few. How is that fair? P.S. If anyone reading at this moment wants to see a movie, text me. Now. (Bet you think I’m kidding.)

5. Singing on Broadway. What? The prompt asks for Nine Things I’d RATHER Be Doing. Right now, I’m wearing an old Johnny Depp T-shirt sitting on my bed typing a goofy blog post with Disney’s Jesse on in the background. You know what I’d rather be doing? I’d rather be singing on Broadway. With the right song, I’ll bet I could … oh, never mind.

6. Being the one holding the pen at a book signing. Well, as long as I’m singing on freakin’ Broadway …

7. Traveling internationally with my family. With your family, Michele? I know. That’s what *I* thought as soon as I typed it. But yes. I want to see as much of the world as I can. And I want them with me when I see it. Honestly, sometimes I wish I was more of a gypsy.

8. Time traveling. Well, crap. Since my suitcases are packed, right? Let’s see. I think my first points of interest would be … my children’s babyhoods (I’m bringing a better camera this time), my teen years (for a little damage control … and some classic MTV) and maybe the 1960s. I want to be on Ed Sullivan. (What? Did you expect 1776? It’s like you guys don’t even know me.)

9. Hugging my kids. This is the one thing on my list that I could actually go do right now. Come to think of it, if I chew while hugging with a DVD on in the background, I could probably knock out THREE simultaneously.

This post was written in response to MamaKat’s writing prompt asking for Nine Things I’d Rather Be Doing Right Now.

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Tagged mamakatslosinit, traveling with my family, what would you rather be doing right now, writing prompt

Either He’s an Angel or He’s Got a Huge Future in Texas Hold ‘Em

Posted on July 18, 2014 | 8 comments

This really happened.

Recently, I had some one-on-one time with my son. His dad was out of town and Vivien was spending the night at her grandparents’ house. Dean and I don’t get time for just the two of us nearly enough these days. I blame myself. (Would somebody please get me a Football for Dummies book?)

Anyway, it was nice to have him all to myself. We had a little shopping spree at the stores of his choosing (Champs and Footlocker) then finished up online when we returned home. He’d been hoarding a lot of Christmas gift cards so he was able to purchase a decent number of things (all athletic gear) on his own with a little help from me.

When we were done, we started to toss around ideas about what we could do with the rest of our night. A quick perusal of the current movie listings pigeonholed all available choices into three categories:

Movies that were animated, Happy Meal fare with singing rabbit fairies.
Movies that interested neither of us.
Movies that would provide a most uncomfortable experience for a mother/son viewing combination.

So we opted to find something we could watch at home. With Amazon, Netflix and OnDemand available to us, we knew there just had to be something out there. So we both started looking things up on our various devices. Being an idiot, I decided to play a little joke on him.

ME (running into room excitedly with the mail): “Dean! Look what finally arrived today! Vivien’s dance recital DVD! Remember? Oh, my gosh. Let’s watch THIS tonight! Okay?”

Now, I should point out that …

The recital is 4 hours long.
He already attended the live version last month.
The boy would skip meals to watch ESPN.

HIM (looking up from his phone like a deer in the headlights … the headlights of a giant 18-wheeler carrying nothing but show tunes DVDs, Barbie dolls and pink nail polish): “Um … sure. Okay.”

Cut to me with my mouth hanging open. That boy was going to sit through his sister’s entire four-hour dance recital AGAIN without so much as a whimper. Because that’s what he thought *I* wanted to do. Just when I’d decided my kids were selfish and always thinking of themselves, he proved me way wrong.

I love that kid.

Somebody remind me of this story the next time he’s driving me nuts.

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Tagged my son is an angel, my son is the best, spending time with my teenage son

Oh, yeah. I have a BLOG! … (Plus a Link-up)

Posted on July 15, 2014 | 11 comments

Added 1/15/15 for Mamakat’s Writing Prompt: “Find a photo of yourself taken 10 years ago and display it on your blog along with a current photo. How have you changed since the day that photo was taken?”

See the matching pictures below? The top one was taken in 2014 and the bottom in 2004. Sure, they look a lot alike. But the first girl … well, she’s a little older and a little wiser. She’s gotten a lot more red and a lot more said. Because she’s WRITING again.

And she’s so glad to have rekindled that part of her. She likes to think it keeps her young. And talk colorfully of herself in the third person.

Original Post Starts Here:

It’s time for Ketchup With Us. Hosted by Mel and me on the 1st & 15th each month, our link-up gives you TWO ways to play: (A) Write about anything for 10 minutes OR (B) Link up an old post. Or both!

Eight days?!!? Gosh, has it really been eight days since I last wrote something for the blog? Shame on me. Well, except I can’t take all the blame. Because I was, as they say, at sea for an extended period of time. Overeating, overdrinking (but only one day), oversunning and overworrying about my kids who ran amuck on that ship like they were a couple of college kids.

We had a great time. All eleven of us. (We like to travel in throngs.) And I’m just now starting to catch up on my sleep. So I wanted to take a minute (ten to be exact) to share a few points of interest from my most recent cruising experience.

(1) If you’re going to sing a song karaoke-style, take some time to choose your selection wisely. And think about the original person who performed it. If you can’t hit every note in the shower, then you sure as hell can’t hit it in front of a room full of people. I’m still shaking my head at my own stupidity. Sheena Easton. What was I thinking?!!?

(2) The Mayan Ruins in July? If I wouldn’t take on an activity during the summer months in my home city of New Orleans, then I certainly shouldn’t be trying to do it in Mexico. It’s 651 miles CLOSER TO THE EQUATOR.

(3) Just because the catamaran crew says I can drink as much as I want doesn’t mean I should drink as much as I want. You’d think I would have learned that back in college. Or in my 20s. Or in my 30s.

(4) Dave and I need to create trivia contests on the boat. Or at least the 80s music trivia contest. (pause for questions) Why yes, I’m glad you asked. As a matter of fact, we DID come home with a 1st place trophy.

(5) Four is apparently the maximum number of appetizers I should order in one sitting to create a meal of “small plates.” Not surprisingly, cream of mushroom soup, a crab cake, a (distinctively small) sushi sampler and a cheese plate can be quite filling when combined to create one overindulgent feast the likes of which we haven’t seen since ‘Gluttony’ was depicted in Brad Pitt’s Seven.

I could go on. And maybe I will in another post. But, for today, I just wanted you guys to know I was back on the grid. And that I didn’t forget about you. And that I so appreciate my friend, Mel, stopping by to say hi while I was away.

Did we take pictures? Well, sure. We took plenty. But for now, I’ll just leave you with one, taken of Dave and me at dinner the last night. For the record, the picture beneath it was taken at dinner on a cruise just like this one exactly ten years earlier.

Please be kind when you compare them.

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer from last time is …

Adventures in Weseland

BEHIND THE KETCHUP

Click here to read how this foolishness all began.

KEEP TRACK OF OUR STUPIDITY

Facebook (Michele /Mel)
Twitter (Michele/Mel)
Instagram (Michele/Mel)
Pinterest (Michele/Mel)

SPREAD THE WORD & POST OUR BUTTON … please!

olddognewtits.com

FINALLY … THE LINK-UP!

WE give you a (completely random) picture to inspire you to KetchupWithUs.

All YOU need to do is link something up.

And, for the love of Heinz-Ketchup-FINALLY-Available-in-Dip-n-Squeeze-Tubs, TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

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Tagged according to mags, blog hop, brad pitt's seven, cruise tips, going off the grid, karaoke tips, ketchup with us, link up, link up an old post, mayan ruins in july, mel, prompt 46, sheen easton, two women wearing ketchup costumes, woman wearing a ketchup costume, write for ten minutes without stopping, writer's block, writing prompt

When Michele’s Away…

Posted on July 9, 2014 | 2 comments

So, Michele is away. She’s busy sailing around the world this week. Okay, maybe not around the world, but that makes her sound fancy, doesn’t it? Actually she’s literally cruising. On a ship. I bet she’s snorkeling, laughing, having fruity drinks and walking along pristine beaches. What a…(be nice, jealous Mel) LUCKY girl!

Meanwhile, back at Casa de Bugaj, the closest thing we have to fruity drinks are the Capri Suns I just bought for the kids. And since Michele’s away, well, I thought I’d come play on her blog. Why do you all look so panicked? No worries. Michele will be back on Saturday.

In all honesty, I miss her. I often share silly pictures I’ve taken throughout the day. And so now, my “photos I want to share with Michele” are backing up on my phone. Not only that, but since my brain is like a sieve, it would probably benefit me to post them here so I don’t forget. That way she can find them when she’s done galavanting around the delicious buffet tables.

Below are the pictures, questions, commentary and other foolishness I would have sent her over the past few days. Enjoy!

Check out the tattoo on this guy’s leg helping me in Auto Zone.

Is that Lurch, Herman Munster or Frankenstein?

Reading “Diary of a Wimpy Kid.” He’s been laughing at the word “fart.” For the past FIVE minutes.

He never finds ME this funny!

Playing with her dolls in the driveway. Of course she decided to hang out in the shade cause I just took 10 minutes to meticulously lather her entire body in sunscreen.

GET IN THE SUN, KID! YOU’RE PROTECTED!

The Baby Huey of all baby carrots. Or a finger. It could be a finger.

This is kinda cruel, but check out my cheese platter I got! That’s apricot chutney and some kind of fancy relish. I should stop describing it to you before you come through my phone and eat my warm goat cheese. HANDS OFF MY CHEESE PLATE, MICHELE!

Sooo, turns out, if you FILL the bird feeder, they will come. Why do birds gotta be so picky?

Did I do this right? Now what? I forget.

Mags wants to show Viv the cut on her eye. She has no idea where it came from or even noticed it until I pointed it out two minutes ago. Now you’d think she’s going to lose her eye. Sigh.

Welcome home, Michele! Pretty sure the only things left in your fridge safe to eat after five days away are the INEDIBLE things. YUM!

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If You Take a Hamster to the Exotic Vet …

Posted on July 6, 2014 | 7 comments

You guys remember Herve, right?

Well, the poor little guy was not feeling well recently. And even though he is a hamster … and even though he is now two years old (which is, like, 65 in people years … or something like that) … we brought him to the exotic vet. No, I don’t actually have an exotic vet. This guy was referred to us by our regular vet. (Milo‘s doctor.) And he was the bomb. Wanna hear about our experience? Well, why the heck else would you be here?

(Storytelling style ~~stolen~~ borrowed from beloved children’s author Laura Numeroff. And my friend, Mel.

If you take a hamster to the exotic vet, you’ll probably meet a friendly squirrel.

If you meet a friendly squirrel, you’ll learn that he has his own Facebook page.

If you take a seat in the waiting room to look up the squirrel’s Facebook page, you’ll suddenly notice that you’re sitting right next to wiggling blanket that scares the crap out of you because you have no idea what’s under that blanket.

If you investigate the wiggling blanket because you’re concerned that a rabid badger might be under it poised and ready to kill you, you’ll discover that it’s actually just a spazzy chinchilla whose owner is not very friendly.

If you discover that your neighbor is just a spazzy chinchilla, you’ll realize that there is not a “normal” pet in the room.

If you notice that there are no normal pets in the room, you’ll want to take an inventory of the bizarreness.

If you take an inventory the bizarreness, you will find one social networking squirrel, one spazzy chinchilla, one stoic rabbit, one ailing ferret, one obnoxiously-egocentric bird, one suspicious-looking lizard and one unidentified, midsize, introverted rodent and you will start to feel less weird about sitting in the exotic veterinarian’s office with your daughter waiting for your hamster.

If you start to feel less weird, you will actually learn to embrace the eccentricity and decide it’s worth sharing on your blog.

If you decide to share the experience on your blog, you will start taking notes on your phone (which is probably a good idea because it will distract you from the murderous chinchilla/badger beside you).

If you start taking notes on your phone, the vet’s assistant will come out and tell you that Herve the teddy bear hamster has had a full battery of tests and everything looks A-OK.

If the vet’s assistant mentions “a full battery of tests” for a hamster, you will probably picture him running on a treadmill with those sticky electrode thingies all over his tiny body and the doctor telling him to turn his head and cough and you will fight the urge to crack up laughing in the assistant’s face.

If you fight the urge to crack up laughing, your face will contort into a weird expression that probably makes you look constipated but results in the assistant thinking you’re a complete idiot and speaking more slowly to help you understand her.

If the assistant thinks you’re an idiot and asks if you understand, you will probably just nod yes because, well, you know she’s not so far off the mark on this assumption.

Bet y’all didn’t believe me about the squirrel.

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Tagged exotic vet, hamster to the vet, if you take a mouse to the movies, laura numeroff, squirrel with a facebook page

Deliver Us From Evil – I’m scared just typing it. (Plus a contest!)

Posted on July 2, 2014 | 6 comments

Deliver us from evil.

Until today, I thought only of those four little words as the closing to a comforting and familiar prayer I’ve known since childhood. After today, they will also forever be associated with this terrifying account of demonic possession the likes of which I can barely watch on my computer monitor. Opening in theaters today, Deliver Us From Evil is described as “an intense dramatization of actual events, following New York police detective Ralph Sarchie (Eric Bana) as he tries to solve a series of bizarre crimes. He turns to an unconventional priest (Edgar Ramirez) for help when it becomes clear the evil he is fighting is more spiritual than earthly.”

(shivering and fleeing to safe spot in back of closet for the rest of this post)

I plan to bring a vial of holy water with me to the theater.

And a crucifix.

AND AN EXTRA PAIR OF UNDERPANTS!

Thanks to our friends at Grace Hill Media, Mel and I are giving away prize packs to TWO lucky winners. Each pack contains the following items:

A copy of Officer Sarchie’s book Deliver Us From Evil (formerly Beware the Night, description found here) AND a Deliver Us From Evil t-shirt

See that smiling idiot? She actually thinks she’ll be able to SLEEP in that shirt tonight. Of course, she’ll probably wake up levitating over her bed while blood trickles down the walls of her room.

Don’t do it, fool!

Want to win a Deliver Us From Evil Prize Pack?

Click HERE to Enter!

The contest ends on Wednesday, July 9, 2014.

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Tagged beware the night, deliver, deliver us from evil, deliver us from evil prize pack, demonic possession, eric bana, grace hill media, ralph sarchie, supernatural experience

French Fries, Lilith Fair & Stockard Channing (plus a #BlogHop)

Posted on July 1, 2014 | 2 comments

It’s time for Ketchup With Us. Hosted by Mel and me on the 1st & 15th each month, our link-up gives you TWO ways to play: (A) Write about anything for 10 minutes OR (B) Link up an old post. Or both!

What do you write about when you don’t know what to write about? Well, now THAT is a good question. I guess after writing for thirty days straight about everything from my kids to the big summer musical I did with my daughter to, well, the crap in my refrigerator that isn’t actually edible, it’s hard to think of anything else.

What the hell has happened to me lately that qualifies as interesting?

I ate something a few weeks ago called Duck Fat Fries. Is that interesting? I don’t know, but it sure as hell was delicious. To the extent that there’s an excellent chance I’ll be placing a to-go order with this high-end restaurant pretty soon. (Seriously, where’s my phone?) Ducks. I don’t like to eat their gamey meat. Who’d have thought potatoes fried in their grease would be do damned yummy? (Please don’t tell PETA I said that.)

What else? What else?

Ooh! A rat licked my face. No. YOU shut up. I AM being serious. But I should probably mention that her name is Lily. She’s owned. She wasn’t just a random rat I met on the street. I have standards. I’m not some cheap floozy who lets just ANY rat I meet lick all over my face. Because that would be weird.

Of course, this rat was a girl. Should I be concerned about that? Should I be listening to more Indigo Girls (how sad that that’s my newest reference) and booking tickets to Lilith Fair? Does that even still happen every year? And also, have I just offended anyone with my tongue-in-cheek reference to my wandering gender preference for girl rats? Anyone who knows me at all knows I’m kidding.

Tolerance is my middle name.

Actually, it’s Annette. Or it was Annette until I got married and dumped it for my maiden name. Which was fine with me because I could never get past the old Grease lyric. You guys remember, right? Stockard Channing sang it at the slumber party when she was making fun of Sandy. “Would you pull that crap with Annette?” It always confused me as a child. Let’s just say I took it way too literally and couldn’t figure out why, for the life of me, anyone would ever want to do that. Disgusting.

Oh, but back the rat. You guys don’t believe me, do you? Well, that’s why I had my picture taken. With a rat. Licking me. On the face.

How many of you can say that?