Mrs. ODNT Goes to Philadelphia – Day 2

Posted on June 30, 2013 | 6 comments

I’m checking in at a decent hour tonight so I can finally get some sleep on this trip. Plus we’re supposed to lose electricity and water at the hotel for a few hours tomorrow so we’re clearing out of the room early in the morning. That said, I will totally be hanging out the sign I fashioned for the housekeeping department … since my room didn’t come equipped with one.

Perhaps this post should be called Ellie Mae Clampett Goes to Philadelphia.

We got a late start today. I’ll blame it on the rain. (Yeah, yeah) All nine of us … my parents, my kids, myself, and the four-man According to Mags band … met up at Casa Betsy Ross. (She probably didn’t call it that. But she totally should have.) And, honestly, I think it was my very favorite part of the Philadelphia portion of the trip so far. The whole experience was pretty interesting. That entrepreneurial woman was widowed (and by “widowed” I think it means she killed two husbands) twice before she was thirty. Then, she married a third time to a man with whom she would enjoy several decades. (I’m guessing she finally found someone who put the seat down and knew how to answer the question “Does this hoop skirt make me look fat?”)

We actually met “Betsy” at her house today. Darling woman. Completely unflappable. She’s still “living” in 1776. … Oh, but I wanted so much to tell her who shot JR.

We also took in Independence Hall, most famous for serving as the place where both the U.S. Constitution and the Declaration of Independence were debated and adopted. After seeing the place today, I picture a team of SNL-type writers sitting around the table smoking cigarettes, eating take-out and telling fart jokes until the wee hours of the morning. And then going home and telling their wives “what a hard ass Old Man Jefferson was” at the office that day. I’m probably at least half right, don’t you think?

After that, we went to The Bourse at Independence Hall food court for a fast lunch. (It was raining a good bit by then.) And I had something there that would hardly sell me on the whole concept of a Philly cheesesteak. But it’s probably partly my fault because, besides being from the land of amazing cuisine, (1) I opted for the chicken cheesesteak and (2) I omitted the peppers. Whatever. It wasn’t so good. I’ll try again tomorrow.

And it was following my delicious lunch that we had to bid farewell to our visiting friends. As Mel said on her Facebook page, it’s too bad the kids didn’t get along at all. (wink)

I should explain that we said “Make a crazy face!” And, apparently, CRAZY means THUG to Dean.

We then went to the Franklin Institute where, amongst many other things, my kids gave the local weather report. Journalism was my college major so I totally made them do it. And you can tell if you look at Dean’s face. (He smiled in the other pictures, but I thought the scowl was funnier.)

And I took this cool panoramic picture with my iPhone. Yes, I’m sure you people have been knowing how to do it since, like, 2010. But for me it’s new … and exciting. SO JUST ENJOY IT!

We walked for hours this evening, grabbed a little dinner here and a few beers there and just basically soaked in the city. And I want to compliment Philadelphia on its thriving performing arts presence. There are so many musicals, plays, operas and other concerts being presented right now that I was truly taken aback. Who cares about your stupid cheesesteaks? I outstretch my hand in friendship for having a community that can support the amount of productions I saw up and down Broad Street this evening.

Bravo, Philadelphia, Bravo.

* * * * * * * * *

To read about the trip so far …

ODNT Takes Manhattan Day 1 – Day 2 – Day 3

Mrs. ODNT Goes to Philadelphia Day 1

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Mrs. ODNT Goes to Philadelphia – Day 1

Posted on June 29, 2013 | 3 comments

So we took a train from New York to Philadelphia today.

And by “took a train” I mean … misunderstood what time it was actually leaving Penn station, left our hotel WAY later than we should have, got royally separated while in two different cabs, went to the wrong part of the train station, miscommunicated who was waiting for whom and where, cursed a little under my breath probably within earshot of my kids, argued with Penn Station employees that we were actually going as fast we could and hoisted fully-packed suitcases over my head to jump on the train (mind the gap!) as it was literally starting to pull away.

I boarded at 12:04pm. The departure time was 12:05pm. Technically, we were a minute early.

(gasping for air)

But we got to Philadelphia and the fun began. Because we arranged a little surprise. And by “we” I mean my wonderful friend, Mel. Our girls have been dying to meet in person. Soooo … since I was spending a few days in Philadelphia with my family and she just so happened to have been driving through the area with her family to visit her parents in Boston … we planned a little rendezvous.

It was adorable really. When we each pointed out the girls (previously only pen pals and FaceTime buddies) to each other in the hotel lobby, they immediately ran into each other’s arms for a hug that lasted for about the next three hours. (I’m completely serious.) They walked arm-in-arm all afternoon. (Mel really tells it best here.)

I guess the apples really don’t fall far, huh?

Once together, we went straight to eat at the Reading Terminal Market.

I should mention that there was a cheese shop there.

I should also mention that there was a punching bag of cheese as big as three heads hanging from the ceiling. Here. In Philadelphia. Where Rocky was filmed. There’s just gotta be a joke in there somewhere.

After we finished eating, we all walked over to see the Liberty Bell, which was pretty darned impressive.

Umm, the bell’s back behind there somewhere.

(Spoiler alert: I’m not done talking about the Liberty Bell here at ODNT just yet.)

Then, for the next few hours, we all just caught up with each other.

We ate. We drank. And we pretty much never stopped talking except to take breaths between sentences when absolutely necessary. All nine of us. We’ll be getting together tomorrow for more Philly-style fun. But I don’t know this city like I know NYC. So maybe you guys can help me.

What are the must-do/must-see/must-eat spots here in Philadelphia?

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To read about the trip so far …

ODNT Takes Manhattan Day 1 – Day 2 – Day 3

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ODNT Takes Manhattan – Day 3

Posted on June 29, 2013 | 4 comments

Yeah. That pretty much sums up my day.

First and foremost, guess who I ran into today? He’s a rock star around here and, I would bet, pretty much anywhere he goes. (pause for the inevitable curious rumble of onlookers) That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. My very first reader here at ODNT. The one … the only … El Guapo. Just as nice in person, by the way. But way taller. (He’s bending his knees & I’m on my tiptoes.)

Naturally, the kids also took a picture with Mr. Guapo. Unfortunately, they’d both left their autograph books up in the hotel room. (It was SO nice to meet you, EG. Here’s to a lengthier visit over drinks one day with our friend, Mel.)

Brief interlude #1 – In all my visits to NYC, I’ve never paid a proper visit to the Statue of Liberty. And, since my kids as well as my parents were along for this particular trip, we decided to take her on. It wasn’t until we got all the way down to Battery Park that we learned that Hurricane Sandy not only shut her down but closed off all of Liberty Island for the time being.

Stupid hurricanes. They’re still screwing me.

We’d allotted a great many hours of the day for these plans. And so it is at this moment in my photo journal where you hear the needle scratch across the record. Because everything fell off track. Which sometimes is just fine.

Seriously, how could I NOT take a picture of this sign?!!? Yes, Viv and I did race through our bathroom rituals while inside. However, I’m not going to deny that I was really hoping to look under the adjacent stall and see a couple of feet actually facing the toilet. I found it hilarious. It felt like we were in Europe.

After a perfect slice of NY white pizza (my absolute favorite), we hopped a train back uptown to Central Park …

… where we spent hours (one of the sweetest pictures I’ve ever taken) ….

… and hours …

… and hours.

We saw remote-controlled sailboats, but no Stuart Little …

… just the right combination of letters on the sundial to make her smile …

… and a bunch of big ass hawks. (I don’t think that’s their scientific name.)

Brief interlude #2 – All this talk of Central Park reminds me of my old friends, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey and Ross. Yeah, whatever. You all know exactly who I’m talking about. And I was thinking about their cleverly-named coffee shop, Central Perk. Remember?

Which got me to thinking ….

New York has a thriving street hot dog (streetdog, if you will) industry. And thus I see a money-making opportunity here. Except I’m going to need some partners. People with lots of money and, well, pig farmers. Because I want to open my own little charcuterie on the Upper East Side. Or West Side, I’m flexible. And I plan to call it … Central Pork. Who’s in? I’m so excited I could positively squeal!

Oh, and we saw a movie being made on 5th Avenue. It may or may not be called Five to Seven. Apparently, that’s a Bond girl in the balcony. And I think it’s a French film so I’ll likely never know anything more about it.

We swung by Rockefeller Center (on our way to the NBA store) ….

… where we happened upon a tiny Stonehenge exhibit. Didn’t Nigel and the boys already try this?

* * * * * * * * * *

And, of course, we bought lots of stuff. And ate lots of street meat. That makes it a good NY trip, right?

* * * * * * * * * * *

ODNT Takes Manhattan Day One – Day Two

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ODNT Takes Manhattan – Day 2

Posted on June 28, 2013 | 9 comments

We saw Lady Liberty … kinda.

We had more subway adventures. Not so much rat spotting but we did get serenaded by an A Cappella group of enterprising young men on the train.

We walked the Brooklyn Bridge and guess where we landed. Duh, Brooklyn. (Are you guys even paying attention?)

There’s the Brooklyn Bridge. Do you see it? I’m pointing to it.

“Fine, Mom. Take it. But please don’t put it on Facebook.” (Technically, I kept my promise.)

From her photo session with Lucky the Hairless Cat.

His handler wanted $20 for our photo shoot. But I talked him down to a mere $10. I’m such a “genius.” (P.S. He said he NEVER gets Bigglesworth jokes and seemed to look down on me when I asked. Whatever, Mr. Get-Your-Picture-Taken-With-My-Hairless-Cat Guy.)

Rickshaw ride to the theater tonight.

Our (price-gouging) driver.

My kids especially enjoyed his braking technique.

En route in the rickshaw. I said “make a crazy face” … and here’s what I got. I think it would make a great album cover. For when my kids and I drop our next CD together.

Our somewhat unconventional theater selection for the night. Think Monty Pythonesque Peter Pan prequel. And winner of five Tonys.

* * * * * * * * * *

**Of course, we did lots of other stuff, too. But I can’t include everything here. Because that would just be ridiculous.**

Now wouldn’t it?

* * * * * * * * * * *

ODNT Takes Manhattan Day One

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ODNT Takes Manhattan – Day 1

Posted on June 27, 2013 | 7 comments

That’s it. I’ve had it with hotel internet service. It totally bites/blows/sucks, by the way. So I’m stuck clocking in on my phone. I feel like I’m carving out my blog posts in hieroglyphics on a cave wall. Whatever, Hilton Midtown Wi-Fi.

So, here’s how it’s going to go down. You won’t have all the beauty, style and grace that was my super-anal San Francisco daily journals last summer. You’ll just have my abbreviated thoughts and a few favorite pictures of the day. Plain and simple. No fancy fonts, centering and crap like that. Just the unadorned facts. Pretend like you came to my house first thing in the morning. I don’t have any make-up on yet and my hair’s in a ponytail. It’s raw and it’s real.

Yes. I KNOW it’s a bad visual. But it’s all we have, man. WE’RE FLYING WITHOUT A NET HERE!

Anyway … so I’m in NY. The whole family actually, except Dave who had some work he couldn’t escape. We keep pretty busy on these family trips so my entries will be short. And before you decide to rob my house, please remember who’s waiting for you on the inside.

He’s been trained to kill in 7 seconds, BTW.

What did we do today?

We took the subway all day and didn’t get lost. Not even once. (Really hoping to see more rats tomorrow.)

We had some pretty good pizza in Little Italy.

We had amazing foot massages in Chinatown. This sign cracked me up. My cute little therapist just laughed when I asked how many times it happened before they put it up.

While the boys took in a Yankees game, the girls saw Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella …

… where we took goofy pictures of ourselves making faces while waiting in the long bathroom line. (And paid $50 for glass slipper socks and a tiara. What a bunch of yokels.)

Then, we took more goofy pics at the Love Sculpture on 6th Avenue. This time, my mom joined in on the ~~shenanigans~~ … ~~tomfoolery~~ … dumbassery.

And finally, we stopped off … very inappropriately, I might add … at Gotham Lounge for a quick one on the way home. (Anyone who thinks I stopped for anything besides the fancy olives and cheese really doesn’t know me at all.) I missed you, Mel Bugaj. You and Pat Sajak.

What a long day. I’ll try to keep sharing some pictures here and there. The city that never sleeps. Yeah. That sounds about right. (eyes crossing in fatigue)

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Goodbye to Joseph as well as to His Dreamcoat

Posted on June 24, 2013 | 7 comments

The stage is down, the costumes are boxed and the cast party is over. The whole experience was, as promised, both “amazing” and “technicolor.” It was also profoundly memorable for my girl and me. We’re both pretty bummed to see it end. We so appreciate all of the people who made it happen this summer. And thanks to my brother-in-law for coming to the show on the last night and taking some pretty great pictures.

Seriously, next time I do this show, I’m demanding a RED robe.

Israelite jazz hands … that’s me!

My adorable Viv in the orange skirt doing the 50s number with her best pal. (Did the girls Kool-Aid dip their hair back then? ‘Cause she clearly did.)

Yeah, that’s me. Apparently, green was my signature color for the show. And I am pretty “amazing” that I included a picture of myself DANCING for you guys!

Confused? The audience probably was, too. This shot was taken at curtain call. I played the baker (who was EXECUTED, BTW) in the first act. So, I throw the hat on with my Israeli garb at the end.

As one of Jacob’s many wives, a pampered Potiphar bootlicker, the doomed baker, a go-go dancer, a 50s teenager (seriously, stop laughing!) and an Egyptian underling to Joseph, I had a lot of fun. Thanks to my local friends who were able to come. And, to all who weren’t, please consider stopping in next year … ’cause I’m quite sure Viv and I will be doing it again.

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**Want to read more about our fun with Joseph?**

Ten Tips on Doing a Live Show With Your Daughter

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Ten Tips on Doing a Live Play With Your Daughter

Posted on June 22, 2013 | 6 comments

1. There’s no amount of perfume, powder and deodorant that is too much. Buy extra and give it as gifts on opening night to the whole cast.

2. Don’t drink before the show. And no, I’m not talking about alcohol. I mean anything. Because after you’ve put on a leotard, dance tights, biker shorts, a dress and a long velour robe, it’s kind of a pain in the butt to pee. Which I did on average four times per show. Even with my rule.

3. It’s good to eat a little something before the show each night to give you the energy you’ll need to push through to the curtain call. It is not, however, good for that “little something” to be sushi. That stuff will repeat on you all night. And raw fish in your stomach? Not so good after four hours.

4. When trying to decide between being comfortable and being MODEST, choose modesty. Every time. Never mind the fact that adding a layer of Spanxy scuba suit underneath everything made me even hotter. I was so covered and sucked in that I could’ve streaked through the place in my nude unitard and not (completely) died of embarrassment.

5. Pay close attention when they’re teaching the choreography … and don’t miss ANY practices. Otherwise, after you’ve performed the dance move that is done three times a night in seven of the eight performances (that’s 21 times for anyone not gifted mathematically), your darling daughter will inform you that you have been doing it wrong. Every time. On video. For a live audience.

Here’s what I was wearing for my TWENTY-ONE mistakes.

6. And while I’m on the subject … if you forget a lyric, a dance move, a stage direction, make up for it with unbridled enthusiasm. If you don’t look nervous, you’ll look less like you’re making a mistake. Or so my brain has protected me into believing.

7. When asked if you want to share a dressing room with all the other adult women in the cast OR switch teams to share a room with your daughter and all the other children, sweetly kiss your girl on the cheek and tell her you’ll see her after the show. (I need to remember this advice for next year.)

8. Unless …. you want to overhear things like the girl who talked about her mom who (supposedly) says, “Fix your OWN dinner! I’m playing Words With Friends!” (If that poor woman knew I’d heard that … and was now writing about it!) The parent gossip is juicy. Because the kids forget I’m in there. And they’re all trying to outdo each other. Oh, have I got dirt.

9. When all of the little people in the cast see you in your stage make-up and costume (aided by the aforementioned scuba suit) and they ask how old you are … but then, before you can answer, one little angel guesses “Twenty?” … act amazed that she guessed correctly on the first try. And then when one particularly smart one says, “But wait, aren’t you Vivien’s mom?” look her dead in the face and say “Who’s Vivien?”

10. Remember that everything you’re doing is creating lasting memories with your girl. So be sure to make them good ones.

I’ve had an absolute blast doing the show with you, Viv. I can’t believe the last show is tonight.

I’m already looking forward to next year!

* * * * * * * * * *

Linked to MamaKat’s writing prompt asking us to write a blog post inspired by the word modest. (awkward pause) Fine. I cheated. But only the teeniest, tiniest bit. Which is practically like not cheating at all.

I think I’ll go teach that to my children.

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The Family That Pranks Together Stays Together

Posted on June 20, 2013 | 9 comments

Sure. It would be better if it rhymed. But I wasn’t too happy with “tanks,” “spanks” or “stanks” … so here’s what we’re working with today.

Remember my post about Dean’s gigantic school project for which we have joint custody with another family? Yeah? Well, the saga continues. I mean, it seemed only right. We’ve had the ginormous thing for two weeks now and today is their son’s birthday. So the project traveled back to its original owners, this time with a birthday hat and, of course, the requisite note.

Dear Surname-of-Family-I-Can-Only-Protect-For-So-Much-Longer*

Please allow us to be the first to wish Dean’s-friend-and-project-partner* a very happy 13^th birthday. Today, he is a man (teenager … whatever). And with this momentous occasion comes responsibility, accolades and celebration. We can think of no better way to recognize all three of these milestones than by bestowing on you our highest honor.

The Giant Hershey Bar.

Please know that we do not request that it be returned. For, although we love the Giant Hershey Bar as though it were our own child, we must be the bigger man here. And, as the old saying goes, if you love something, set it free! (I don’t think there’s anything more to the saying than that. Just the whole setting it free business.)

Also, we feel the Giant Hershey Bar (henceforth regarded as GHB) deserves a stable home. All of this bouncing around from house to house is tearing it apart. And it will likely take a toll on its overall wellbeing before long. We cannot be responsible for this corruption.

So it is with great reflection and regard for GHB that we humbly bestow it to you on this … the anniversary of the birth of your other child. God speed, GHB. When you think of us, please know that all we did we did in love.

The Poche Family

*Names withheld to protect the “innocent”

* * * * * * * * * *

Lagniappe for my fellow Arrested Development fans

NOTE: If you’re not a fan of the show, you won’t get it. And you’ll probably think I’m comparing my boy to the iconic 80s deviant of the same name. I’m not.

Dave and Dean were charged with making the drop last night. Dave was into it, but my boy (who we lovingly dubbed George Michael years ago) was a little nervous about the propriety of it all. Great kid. SO much more responsible than either of his parents. (Sigh)

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“Moms Depend on Kool-Aid like Kids Depend on Moms”

Posted on June 19, 2013 | 11 comments

HER: Gosh, it’s hot out today. And I’m sooooo thirsty.

ME: Me, too. Plus my hair is sooooo boring and unimaginative. This is a job for Kool-Aid!

BOTH: HEY, KOOL-AID!

What if I told you that you could jazz up your hair for only fifty cents this summer? Spend a dollar, Mr. Rockefeller, and you’ll get even richer color. Perhaps you’ve already heard of this trendy revolution … but have you tried it? We did. Just last week. Check it out.

She went for Tropical Punch and I went Cherry. And they both smelled delicious!

It’s super easy. Instructions per head. Multiply accordingly.

Boil water. (I measured nothing.)
Put hair in pigtails.
Pour hot water into 2 plastic (non-melty, 16-ish oz.) cups.
Dissolve 1-2 envelopes (0.15-ish oz. size, unsweetened so your head doesn’t attract ants) into each cup.
Submerge one pigtail into each cup and sit motionless for 30 minutes.

Oh, yeah. And I probably should have already suggested you have a book or your phone handy to keep yourself occupied for that half hour. When you’re done, rinse each pigtail with cold water until it runs clear(ish) then dry your hair with a dark towel. The result? Fun, shiny red hair … with no chemicals! Except for FD&C Red 40.

FD&C Red 40.

BAD for your body. RAD for your hair.

(I submitted my slogan idea to the company’s fat cats. Fingers crossed.)

How long will the color last? I don’t know. What am I … a scientist? I just put Kool-Aid in my hair. How smart can I really be? My guess is .. it’s different for everyone. So don’t Kool-Aid dip your hair unless you’re willing to cut that portion of it off, dye it back or just wait it out. Me? I’m going for the third. I might even do it again this summer.

But next time, I’m going for Blue Raspberry. Ooh, or Grape.

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Ketchup With Us #20

Posted on June 15, 2013 | 7 comments

Since Father’s Day is tomorrow, we’re ‘Ketching Up’ with dads this time around. I’m hoping that everyone has a good father figure in their lives somewhere. Even if he’s just a TV character. And we want to hear about him. The prompt is very loose. Interpret it however you like. I’m lucky. The choice for me was easy …

Dada, Daddy, Dad, Papa, PapaMan, PapaManSure (don’t ask) … he’s been called a lot of things over the years. And he answers to all of them. Because he’s always there, always willing and always able. “He’s the most patient human being on the planet,” says my mother.

Love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

My dad & me

Taken 6/13/13 on opening night of Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

(Viv & I are having a blast, by the way.)

*** * * * * * * * * ***

For a quick explanation of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a writing prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. You can write your entry in any form. We love creativity. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a writer from the previous link-up. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

Lance

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RULES? WHO NEEDS ‘EM?!!?

The rules are … THERE ARE NO RULES! Just guidelines. And we’d love it if you posted our button and followed us on Facebook (Michele /Mel) and Twitter (Michele/Mel).