Tag Archives: herve the hamster

With Hamsters like Herve, Who Needs Coffee?


Picture it. Early Saturday morning. Me, still in pajamas, shuffling into my daughter’s room where she was happily playing on the floor with her hamster, Herve. I sat down beside her to join in the fun.


HER: Wanna hold him?

ME: Sure. (reaching out my hand)

HER: Here you go. (turning her hands sideways by mine to dump him as if he were a pork chop)

ME: Okay. (scrambling to take him as he began climbing into my pajama sleeve at the wrist)

HER: It’s okay, Mama. He does that with me all the time. Just put your hand in your shirt at the top of your sleeve to catch him.

ME: (reluctantly, my biggest concern being my own spastic flailing resulting in Herve’s demise) It tickles. (giggling)

HER: He’s almost to the top. Now, reach your hand up there to get him.

ME: (smiling compliantly, the happy moment interrupted by my very sharp but controlled squeal of pain) $#^&%#!!!

HER: What’s the matter, Mama? Where are you going?

ME: (rushing out to the bathroom) Be right back.

After pulling myself together, here’s how the text thread with Dave went.

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Seriously, he’s always such a good little dude. I couldn’t figure out what happened until …

HER: Mama, what happened? Why did you run out of the room?

ME: Um, well … (recounting the whole embarrassing story )

HER: (attempting to show pity AND stifle a laugh at the same time, rather unsuccessfully) Poor Mama. (patting my head then turning to the hamster) BAD Herve. Why did you bite Mama on the boob? I mean, I know you were starving but …

ME: (interrupting her) Wait. What do you mean?

HER: Oh, he was STARVING all morning. I didn’t feed him when I first took him out and he was going crazy looking for food in my carpet right before you came in.

ME: Viv … why didn’t you tell me?

HER: (shrugging shoulders) IDK. (which is textspeak for I don’t know) And when I put him back in his cage, he went nuts in his food bowl.

ME: Okay. I think I know what happened.


His small animal sweet potato yogurt treats from PETCO look a lot like butterscotch chips. Meaning they are flesh-colored. And sort of … well, conular in shape. Do you see where I’m going here?

His treats look like nipples!!!

Needless to say, I’m (A) not doing the hamster up the sleeve trick anymore without a bra on and (B) switching to another brand of treats right away. Perhaps the apricot yogurt BALLS. (Don’t tell Dave.)

In the meantime, if you see me today guarding my right side … or maybe even clutching my right boob … you’ll know why. It’ll be our little … secret.

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Herve the Hamster’s Campaign Efforts for the Big Contest


Herve the Hamster is doing his part for the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms campaign while ODNT and son visit our nation’s capital. He even hung a sign on his handcrafted 19th century Victorian dollhouse bachelor pad.

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“It’s SO easy!” he thinks, wishing he had the power of human speech.

1. Click here.

2. Scroll down to ODNT.

3. Click “VOTE.”


Still need convincing?

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“PLEEEEEEEEASE!!!!”

He’s blurry … but he’s sincere.


* * * * * Got five seconds? * * * * *

Please click that FANCY PANTS PINK BALL (above) to visit the Circle of Moms site and vote for ODNT for Top 25 Funny Moms.

I need this, people! I’m about to have Herve fitted for a sandwich board.

Vote daily ’til February 13. Thanks!

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ODNT, Jr. is Campaigning for Me


HER: (exhibiting genuine interest) “Whatcha looking at, Mama?”

ME: (channeling a crappy mom by not turning away from the computer and dismissing the question) “Nothing.”

HER: (regurgitating my ‘mom words’ back to me) “It’s not nothing if there’s something on the screen, Mama. What is it?”

ME: (still attempting to preserve my dignity and change the subject) “Just a little contest Mama’s in.”

HER: (exhibiting more genuine interest that I don’t deserve) “A contest for what?”

ME: (giving in since she already knows her mom is a goofball who dons a ketchup costume twice a month in public anyway) “Oh, it’s just a contest to pick the Top 25 Funny Moms on a website called Circle of Moms.”

HER: (leaping up excitedly) “A contest?!!? Wait! I’ll be right back!”

I’m just a regular mom. And that means sometimes I want to pull my hair out and run screaming from the house when my kids are driving me nuts. And other times I wonder what on earth I did to deserve such amazing little people who are actually interested in me and who want to help me with my half-baked, softheaded shenanigans intellectually stimulating projects.

Such was the case with Vivien last weekend when she heard about the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest.

Three hours later …

“I want you to win, Mama,” she said, handing me a stack of drawings she’d be working on in her room to help me in my quest to make you laugh.

Truth? Yes, they made me laugh. They also made me cry a little. That she’d give up a big chunk of her weekend to help out her old lady … well I don’t think I was that good a daughter when I was a kid. (Let’s see if my mom takes the bait when she reads this post.)

So anyway, without further ado … I give you the first of the ODNT, Jr. Vote for My Mom for Top 25 Funny Moms original creations. This one is entitled “Herve’s Black Seed Brownie Recipe.”

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It centers on the ever-growing hamster in this household and his favorite delicacy. Which we recently learned leads to morbid obesity in rodents. (Yep. That’s a thing.)

But, ODNT, how do we vote for you?

IT’s EASY! And IN ONLY Three Steps!

  1. Click here.
  2. Scroll down to Old Dog New Tits. God willing, I’ll still be in the Top 25 when you do.
  3. Click “vote” next to Old Dog New Tits.

And it wouldn’t suck if you also voted for my friends, According to Mags and Hot Mess Mom while you’re there. They’re both funny ladies of whom I personally I am a big fan. You can actually vote for as many people as you like. Once every 24 hours. Until February 13. Per device. Or so they tell me. 🙂

Fine, ODNT. We’ll vote for you and your friends. EVERY BLASTED DAY until February 13. But what’s in it for us, fool?

As my way of saying thank you for taking a minute of your time each day  … and having every person you’ve ever known do the same … I wanted to share a YouTube clip of my favorite dancing hill person, Jesco White.


* * * * * Got five seconds? * * * * *

Please click that FANCY PANTS PINK BALL (above) to visit the Circle of Moms site and vote for ODNT for Top 25 Funny Moms.

I need this! I’ve RESORTED to child labor.

vote daily ’til February 13. Thanks!

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