Tag Archives: clogging

ODNT, Jr. is Campaigning for Me


HER: (exhibiting genuine interest) “Whatcha looking at, Mama?”

ME: (channeling a crappy mom by not turning away from the computer and dismissing the question) “Nothing.”

HER: (regurgitating my ‘mom words’ back to me) “It’s not nothing if there’s something on the screen, Mama. What is it?”

ME: (still attempting to preserve my dignity and change the subject) “Just a little contest Mama’s in.”

HER: (exhibiting more genuine interest that I don’t deserve) “A contest for what?”

ME: (giving in since she already knows her mom is a goofball who dons a ketchup costume twice a month in public anyway) “Oh, it’s just a contest to pick the Top 25 Funny Moms on a website called Circle of Moms.”

HER: (leaping up excitedly) “A contest?!!? Wait! I’ll be right back!”

I’m just a regular mom. And that means sometimes I want to pull my hair out and run screaming from the house when my kids are driving me nuts. And other times I wonder what on earth I did to deserve such amazing little people who are actually interested in me and who want to help me with my half-baked, softheaded shenanigans intellectually stimulating projects.

Such was the case with Vivien last weekend when she heard about the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest.

Three hours later …

“I want you to win, Mama,” she said, handing me a stack of drawings she’d be working on in her room to help me in my quest to make you laugh.

Truth? Yes, they made me laugh. They also made me cry a little. That she’d give up a big chunk of her weekend to help out her old lady … well I don’t think I was that good a daughter when I was a kid. (Let’s see if my mom takes the bait when she reads this post.)

So anyway, without further ado … I give you the first of the ODNT, Jr. Vote for My Mom for Top 25 Funny Moms original creations. This one is entitled “Herve’s Black Seed Brownie Recipe.”

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It centers on the ever-growing hamster in this household and his favorite delicacy. Which we recently learned leads to morbid obesity in rodents. (Yep. That’s a thing.)

But, ODNT, how do we vote for you?

IT’s EASY! And IN ONLY Three Steps!

  1. Click here.
  2. Scroll down to Old Dog New Tits. God willing, I’ll still be in the Top 25 when you do.
  3. Click “vote” next to Old Dog New Tits.

And it wouldn’t suck if you also voted for my friends, According to Mags and Hot Mess Mom while you’re there. They’re both funny ladies of whom I personally I am a big fan. You can actually vote for as many people as you like. Once every 24 hours. Until February 13. Per device. Or so they tell me. 🙂

Fine, ODNT. We’ll vote for you and your friends. EVERY BLASTED DAY until February 13. But what’s in it for us, fool?

As my way of saying thank you for taking a minute of your time each day  … and having every person you’ve ever known do the same … I wanted to share a YouTube clip of my favorite dancing hill person, Jesco White.


* * * * * Got five seconds? * * * * *

Please click that FANCY PANTS PINK BALL (above) to visit the Circle of Moms site and vote for ODNT for Top 25 Funny Moms.

I need this! I’ve RESORTED to child labor.

vote daily ’til February 13. Thanks!

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A Letter of Farewell to My Old Toilet


Dear Old Toilet,

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you what you’ve meant to our family. It’s true. We inherited you with this house but it seemed like, after no time, we accepted you as one of our own. And honestly, as with most things, isn’t it best really to forget that your toilet ever had a past?

You’ve been a significant part of our home, providing an excellent thinking spot for my husband and my two children. It was a great place for them to catch up on online news, emails, Facebook and reading or even to set a high score in the latest DS game or iPod app. And, while you and I never really shared the same bond as the ones you had with the remaining members of my family, we certainly had our moments, didn’t we? I’ll never forget the Great Stomach Bug of 2009. You were amazing. There for me through all of it, supporting me in a way that no one or thing should ever have to do for another. And don’t even get me started on clogging. You were the man. I think you only stopped up once shortly after we moved in. I still attribute that expensive but memorable incident to the previous owner. For my money, you are free of any responsibility or blame there.

Unfortunately, there comes a time in every toilet’s life when it’s forced to be removed from its owner’s home. It’s nothing personal. Really. I’m sure you’ve noticed all the changes taking place in the bathroom around you. It’s called remodeling. And it’s usually bad news for old toilets, tubs and sinks. In our case, all three of you had to go. You just didn’t fit the decor of the new bathroom. Plus, I’ve really been looking forward to installing a “high boy” for a while now. It’s not just you. The sinks are higher, too. I can’t explain why, but I just think it looks more formal, more regal if you will. As a short person myself, I understand how much this criticism must hurt. And, for that, I am truly sorry.

This past week hasn’t been easy. It has certainly served as a wake up call for all of us, reminding us again and again (sometimes quite urgently) how important a good toilet really is to a family of four. I’m ashamed to say that we all took you for granted. Existing with only one for the week has taught us all to appreciate the gift of a toilet … and we anxiously anticipate the day that we can once again call ourselves a two-toilet household.

As I watched you ride away on the back of the contractor’s truck, I couldn’t help but shed a tear for you, my old friend. You who were there for us through the highs and lows, the ups and down, in (disgusting) sickness and in health. It’s an unfair fact of life for a toilet and I hope with all my heart that you are delivered to a new family’s home where you can continue to provide comfort and relief to all those who are fortunate enough to sit upon your seat.

God speed, my friend, and may your pipes and bowl always remain clean and clear.

Sincerely,

Michele*

* My toilet only called me by my real name. I’m not sure the fact that I write this blog ever came up in conversation between us.

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