Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear Me?

What self-respecting writer doesn’t keep up with her demographics? Well … me, for one. But I never claimed to respect myself anyway. Still, it’s been a year since I made the groundbreaking discovery detailed below. And what have I done about it? WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Nothing. I have failed you, Greenland.

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The darker the color, the greater the ODNT readership in that territory. Notice the vast white land mass in the top center. Those are my haters in Greenland.

But I won’t rest until I get at least one reader from the 56,370 people living in your 840,000 square miles! (pausing to think) Maybe if I wrote a blog post about the fact that there are only two traffic lights in all of Greenland. … Seriously, when do you guys change the radio station? Or put on lipstick?!!? Wait! Maybe Greenlanders don’t even wear lipstick! You know, being from different cultures and all.

Anyway, as you may recall, I began stalking you as a country/continent/popsicle more than a year ago. Let’s take a look, shall we?

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Alright, fine. Maybe I got a little silly. It is, after all, what I do best. Which you would know if you ever bothered to read ODNT!! Just know this. I am a persistent pest of a person. And I really want to hear from someone in Greenland. Anyone! And, once I’ve got something ridiculous in my head, I don’t back down easily. Just ask Alec Baldwin.

In the meantime, I’ll start brushing up on my Greenlandic. I’ve already learned a few useful phrases, such as Qanoq ateqarpit? (What’s your name?), Naak W.C-ii? (Where’s the toilet?) and Umiatsiaasara pullattagaq nimerussanik ulikkaarpoq (My hovercraft is full of eels.)

What? Maybe that happens a lot in Greenland.

* * * * * * * * * *

Okay, Greenland. The ball’s in your court. Come say hi! You can reach me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest. Or just comment below. I’ll have a bowl of warm suaasat* waiting for you.

(*traditional Greenlandic soup made from seal or sometimes whale, reindeer or seabirds)

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16 responses to “Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear Me?

  1. I have finally come to a remarkable decision…YOU ARE ONE CRAZY LADY!! But I love ya!! You will let us know when your first Greenlander, is that right, gets in touch with you. ;D

  2. LOL ODNT is never a good read while sneaking in a blog read or two at work. This made me snort in the effort to hold my laugh and my boss gave me the looks.

  3. Did you make that up or do you have an English to Greenlandic/Martian translator? 😉 The Vikings pulled a fast one to dissuade people following them to verdant lands by naming the icy one GREENland and the green one ICEland…perhaps it is too cold for the interwebs there. I think that’s a reasonable assumption because 1) your blog is fabulous and 2) even if they were unaware of you before, you sprechen their language so if they had interwebs, they would read this blog!

  4. Fingers crossed….can’t wait to read the blog when you get your first one!!

  5. I’m not into the soup, but I agree that it should be a continent. 🙂

  6. Stephanie @smtimmons

    Yummmm reindeer! Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. And please don’t tell Santa…..its’ hard to stay on his good side.

  7. lOL

    I wouldn’t worry about a country called Green when it’s mostly Ice, while Iceland is hanging around all green hosting beer and liquor parties for corporations and models.

  8. Pingback: Letter #1 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau | OldDogNewTits

  9. Pingback: Letter #2 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau | OldDogNewTits

  10. Bawahhhh!!!! I hope now you get one. You should definitely highlight that reader! Hysterical!!! Hope you are feeling better too:)

  11. Did my comment go through? Hope so! So tired!!!

  12. Pingback: OMG, You Guys! Greenland called!!! | OldDogNewTits

  13. Pingback: Letter #3 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau | OldDogNewTits

  14. If your blog is in english, then dont expect too much of Greenland..we dont do much english up here…I’m from Nuuk, the capital city of greenland, the answer to your prayers..

    • Hello, Dani!!!

      Yours is truly one of my favorite comments I have ever gotten here at ODNT. (And my MOM comments here all the time!) I so appreciate that you took the time to write. May I ask how you heard about us? For the record, I have been researching Greenlandic translations websites with no luck as of yet. But I’ve found some pretty interesting information so I DO plan to write a post with as much of your language as I can piece together.

      Seriously … Qujanaq! (Thank you.) Please come back again!

  15. Pingback: Check out my world map! | OldDogNewTits

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