Tag Archives: blog posts by number

ELEVEN Tips on Doing a Play With Your Kid


I’m finishing up another show with my girl. What a great experience it’s been for both of us. Of course, there are always things upon which I could improve. So, like last year, I’ve taken the liberty of keeping a list of helpful hints for the next time she and I take the stage together.

For the record, Viv … I can’t wait.

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1. At my age, there’s a very fine line between stage makeup and the drag queen effect. I’m pretty sure I crossed it at least half the nights. Oh, how I fear the performance video. In a I’ve-just-seen-Psycho-and-I-now-need-to-take-a-shower kind of way.

2. And while I’m on the subject of make-up, I wish the gifted engineers who make lip stain would share their secret with the incompetent boobs who make nail polish. Every night when I get home, I need to rub that shi- … (wait! kids from the show might be reading this) stuff off with industrial sandpaper.

3. There are a GREAT many things on the list of foods I can’t eat before a show. Among them so far … jambalaya, shrimp, chowder, lasagna, cannelloni, Mexican food, a shi- (dang it! … the kids) boatload of cheese. Only Tic Tacs agree with me in those valuable hours leading up to a performance. (How have I not lost weight during this show???)

4. If there are moments in the show where you are suddenly expected to freeze in an expressive position so as not to draw attention from a spotlighted soloist, do not freeze with your mouth open while facing downward. Gravity + saliva = your worst enemies.

5. When going to the bathroom during the show in costume, always check when you’re done to see if the back of your skirt is tucked into your scuba suit of undergarments. I cannot stress this enough.

6. And while we’re on THAT subject, a heavy sweater over another sweater over a dress over a leotard … in New Orleans … in June? Well, there’s simply not enough deodorant in the world.

7. Making young people laugh and break character on stage is easier than one would think. (Oops.)

8. Take every opportunity you can to pee. (See #5) You never know when the urge is going to hit and it’s the last thing you need distracting you on stage. And know that even something as benign as a smoothie for dinner can be trouble (per #3) as it will result in a record-setting night for bathroom visitations. My personal best for the 2.5 hour show is 14. I should probably see a doctor about that.

9. Blue suede shoes are a surprisingly uncomfortable and unsupportive choice in footwear. I’m thinking that THIS had something to do with all the flailing Elvis exhibited back in the day. Think about it. Fat Elvis dumped the shoes for a jumpsuit and did you ever see him flail again? No. Because his feet were finally happy. Of course, I think this is when the whole arm windmill thing started. And THAT was probably because his bedazzled pajamas were too tight.

10. It is astonishingly difficult to hang on to a slippery bible while dancing and wearing old lady church gloves. Next time you run into one of these feisty women, I suggest challenging her to a thumb war. And be prepared to have your butt kicked. (Whew, I almost said ass. Then I remembered the kids. Nice save, Michele.)

11. If you leave your phone unattended in a room full or teen/tweens, you can and should expect changed ringtones … new screen savers … and entire photo albums of these.

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I love these kids. Every one of them. For realz, yo. (Can I pull that off? Too late.)


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June is Blog Post by Numbers Month. Wanna play with Mel and me? Just write a “listy-type” post with a number in the title (ex. FOUR Reasons I Love Mayonnaise, SIX Things You Can Do With A Paper Clip). Then link back to us and tweet us about it so we can include you on June 30th in our final list: (Number-Yet-To-Be-Determined) Great Bloggers Who Played the Blog Post by Numbers Game!

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SEVEN Things We Have Yet To Do This Summer


Yesterday, I wrote about some the bigger things we’ve done so far this summer. So guess what? Today, I’m writing about some of the bigger things we’ve got left to do this summer. I’m so damned predictable. I’ve always been that way. People tell me they can just look at me and know that I’m going to ….. 

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SURPRISE!!!!!

(Tell the truth. There’s no way you expected a picture of Milo Claus.)

And with that unpredictability, I give you …

The Seven Things We Have Yet To Do This Summer

1. Creative Writing Camp. Also known as the Aww-Mom-do-I-HAVE-to? of summer camps. But it’s only half days for one week. So I expect a novel by Friday. (exasperatedly rolling eyes) Fine. Or a novella.

2. Independence Day. Like every year, we have party or two on the calendar. In addition this year, we’ve been assured that Dean will have to work a shift at the pool club. And we’re still snickering about it. “Sorry we can’t make it. Dean can’t get off work.”

3. Cruise to Mexico. Complete with sailing, snorkeling, beach partying and Mayan Ruins-ing. (I’m still testing out that last word. We’ll see.) And did I mention that there’s bottomless ice cream on the ship? And bottomless lobster, bottomless cake and bottomless just-about-everything. Yay! (backtracking nervously) Great. Now I’ve made my family vacation sound dirty.

4. Dentist appointments. Between the tooth sanders, the lead aprons and the funky strawberry fluoride rinse, this event is poised to be the highlight of the summer.

5. Summer reading and math packets. Oh, wait. I forgot about summer homework. Screw the dental visits. THIS will be the highlight of the summer.

6. Tampa Baseball Game. The boys are headed to a Rays game in July. (Quick. I need a baseball joke. I NEED A BASEBALL JOKE! Wait, how about this one?)

7. Memphis Pilgrimage. While the boys are at the Rays game, the girls (plus my mom) are headed to Memphis to see … you guessed it … Graceland! Because All Shook Up has created Hunka-Hunka-Elvis fever in my house. Plus, you know, I hear they’ve got ducks marching through hotel lobbies up there.


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June is Blog Post by Numbers Month. Wanna play with Mel and me? Just write a “listy-type” post with a number in the title (ex. FOUR Reasons I Love Mayonnaise, SIX Things You Can Do With A Paper Clip). Then link back to us and tweet us about it so we can include you on June 30th in our final list: (Number-Yet-To-Be-Determined) Great Bloggers Who Played the Blog Post by Numbers Game!

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TEN Things We’ve Done So Far This Summer


It’s only two weeks into June and we’ve already done quite a bit around here. Because, when it comes to summertime, we like to hit the ground running. Unfortunately, we’re not usually wearing the proper footwear … and nobody bothers to stretch first …. and don’t even get me started on getting everyone to remember to stay hydrated!

But I digress …

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1. A school trip to San Antonio. Unfortunately, Dean’s cell service was iffy the whole time. Or so he says.

2. A dance recital. Complete with all the fixings.

3. Volleyball camp. Viv’s favorite day was when she got to dress up. As Halloween. No, I don’t know what that means either.

4. Church camp. My kids were actually counselors. MY kids. My BABIES! How is that even possible?

5. A full-scale musical production of All Shook Up. We still have four shows left. I plan toI hope to … I plan to write all about it. Damn it. Did I just commit myself to that post?

6. Basketball camp. Bet y’all think it was for Dean, huh? I don’t know where that girl gets it from. Or, well, I know it’s not me.

7. A Christmas writing gig. Because you’ve got to start early on these seasonal publications. It’s one of my big freelance projects for June. So we’re baking Santa cookies, making reindeer food and trying out new wrapping ideas all month at my house. Which is a little weird. Which is completely normal.

8. Strep Throat. Thankfully, we kicked its ass quickly. Plus  it only managed to hobble one of us temporarily. Seriously, he had a fever of 103. (I just totally sang that in my head.) (Copyright: Foreigner) (I almost said Rod Stewart. Which would make me an idiot.)

9. Four Doctor Visits. Is there anything funny to say here? Gosh, I don’t know. Is there ever anything funny to say about doctor visits?

10. A summer job as a pool boy. Before the jokes start, know that he’s busing tables, sweeping up trash and checking people in. Which means he’s making some of his own money. Which means I’ll be borrowing from him now.  “It’s the cirrrrrrcle of liiiiiiiiiife ……..”

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Wait. He’s cleaning?!!? I’m sorry. That’s not Dean. It just couldn’t be. (rubbing eyes in disbelief) Could it?

What’s left for summer 2014? Well, a good bit actually. Maybe I’ll write about that later. But, until then, let’s talk about YOU for a while.

What have YOU done so far this summer?


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June is Blog Post by Numbers Month. Wanna play with Mel and me? Just write a “listy-type” post with a number in the title (ex. FOUR Reasons I Love Mayonnaise, SIX Things You Can Do With A Paper Clip). Then link back to us and tweet us about it so we can include you on June 30th in our final list: (Number-Yet-To-Be-Determined) Great Bloggers Who Played the Blog Post by Numbers Game!

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

The TEN People I’ve Actually Heard Of Who Share My Birthday


Yep. Today is my birthday. Which means I actually wrote this post a few days ago in anticipation of how busy I’d be taking calls and accepting telegrams and flowers all day long on June 11. (Telegrams?!!? How the hell old AM I?)

Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at all the celebs and famous names who share my big day with me. As with every other day of the year, there are a ton of people born that day. However, there are very few that I’ve actually heard of. And thus, a much shorter version of my original list was born entitled …

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… plus (bonus!) one word I associate with each of them.

  1. Adrienne BarbeauMaude
  2. Christina Crawford – hangers
  3. Jacques Cousteau – fish
  4. Peter DinklageElf
  5. Hugh Laurie – House
  6. Vince Lombardi – trophy
  7. Shia LeBeouf – punk
  8. Joe Montana – football
  9. Richard Strauss – music
  10. Gene Wilder – Frankenstein

 

Geez. Not a big day for famous baby birthing. Then again, Labor Day has never really been much of a romantic holiday. (To those of you scratching your heads, do the math.)


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June is Blog Post by Numbers Month. Wanna play with Mel and me? Just write a “listy-type” post with a number in the title (ex. FOUR Reasons I Love Mayonnaise, SIX Things You Can Do With A Paper Clip). Then link back to us and tweet us about it so we can include you on June 30th in our final list: (Number-Yet-To-Be-Determined) Great Bloggers Who Played the Blog Post by Numbers Game!

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

 

 

 

10 Funny Things My Mom Had to Say About My Last Post


As I was flipping through emails during play rehearsal this afternoon, I found one from my mom. It was titled “My lists.” I assumed it had something to do with our laundry list of errands to take care of this summer. I was wrong.

She had just read my latest blog post and thought it was time she wrote one of her own. Color me surprised … and happy … and so freakin’ relieved that I actually might not have to write one tomorrow. “Awesome! Can I use on ODNT? I’ll feature it tomorrow if you say yes. P.S. Please say yes.” said me. “If you really like it, and think it’s good – then yes,” said she.

And with that, a guest post was born. From my mom (AKA Gigi). Thanks, Mom.

Five Reasons Why This Grandmother Should NOT Attend Her Granddaughter’s Recital:

1. The bathroom isn’t located at the end of the aisle.

2. At least 34 of the 40 or so numbers do NOT feature my granddaughter.

3. I always wind up sitting behind dutiful dads with heads like windshield wipers.

4. My ears have not yet learned to appreciate or even tolerate rap or hip hop music.

5. I know I’ll be sorry the next day because I munched on junk food contraband in my purse for 4 1/2 hours.

Five Reasons Why This Grandmother SHOULD Attend Her Granddaughter’s Dance Recital:

1. Vivien was beautiful, happy, and talented.

2. I got to sit next to my grandson the entire time.

3. Several of the ballet, musical theatre, and tap numbers were very enjoyable – especially the baby classes.

4. I used the non-Vivien time to delete many old texts and emails from my phone and to check Facebook.

5. I got to eat junk food for 4 1/2 hours.

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The subject of this post (left), the author of this post (right) and some sleepy fool in the middle. Circa, um, a few years ago.


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June is Blog Post by Numbers Month. Wanna play with Mel and me? Just write a “listy-type” post with a number in the title (ex. FOUR Reasons I Love Mayonnaise, SIX Things You Can Do With A Paper Clip). Then link back to us and tweet us about it so we can include you on June 30th in our final list: (Number-Yet-To-Be-Determined) Great Bloggers Who Played the Blog Post by Numbers Game!

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory