Tag Archives: hoarders

And Playing the Role of the Mailman Today is …


I have some friends opening a new business in my part of the world. And Dave and I have been helping them here and there with a few small projects as they build their professional momentum. One such project was the focus of my day.

You know those people you see walking the neighborhoods putting flyers on each and every doorknob on the street? We hate them, right? We peek outside our curtains when we see them. And we wonder who these cavalier strangers think they are walking right up on our porches to our front door!

Well, today that stranger was me. Today, I walked in a mailman’s shoes. Sort of. And I wanted to share a few of my experiences and observations.

1. My home city has a frightening number of hoarders, Fred-Sanford-esque junk dealers and possible serial killers living within it. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with this new knowledge. But I did (inappropriately) snap a picture of one such cluttered porch.

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Seriously, nameless hoarder, this is the ENTRYWAY to your home. Also, sorry I violated your “privacy.”

2. I now know that the fact that I had my Christmas tree up until January 13 is no longer anything to brag about. I have nothing on some of the still-Christmas-holiday-bedazzled homes I saw today.

3. Nine out of ten homes in the Greater New Orleans area own a dog. Except for the scary Siberian Husky/wolf who lay leashlessly on his lawn, they are all terribly yappy and they all want to kill me.

4. More people’s front porches reek of urine than I would expect. And I’m really, REALLY hoping it’s because of #3.

5. If a creepy man calls you over to his car to ask what you’re doing while on the job, do not approach his car. Simply ask him if he has five minutes to talk about Jesus. I personally guarantee he’ll slide the shovel back under the seat and drive away. I tested this theory today.

6. Mailmen/women (or is it postal carriers?) should be better compensated and showered with gifts at Christmas time. Also, they should compete in the Olympics. They work their asses off every day. A paunchy mailman will, from here forward, confuse the daylights out of me.

7. Wind is the natural enemy of the flyer distributor. Also, of the hair. So, I was twice as pissed with it today as usual.

8. I think I need to make this mailman thing permanent and get a telemarketing job to go with it. Then, I could double dip professionally while also getting exercise. Brilliant, yes? How has no one else thought of this amazing trifecta?

9. If, like me, you ever find yourself working in the field of flyer distribution … and you happen to serendipitously synch up with the area mailman, it is just common decency to stand down from his or her route and cross the street to create your own separate path. Every idiot knows that, right?

10. You shouldn’t take yourself too seriously on the job. That way, you can laugh and the world laughs with you. Which is why Dave texted me this YouTube clip while I worked today. I played it several times on full volume on my route.

Is it just me or is young Bob kind of cute? (awkward silence) Yeah, I just totally creeped myself out, too.


* * * * * Got five seconds? * * * * *

Please click that FANCY-PANTS PINK BALL (above) to visit the Circle of Moms site and vote for ODNT for Top 25 Funny Moms.

I need this, people! I was a mailman today!

Vote daily ’til February 13. Thanks!

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Editor’s Note: Because of #10 below … and at the insistence of my friend, Mel … this post was submitted to Edward Hotspur’s Romantic Monday link-up. Romance doesn’t come classically in this house.  (1/18/13)

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Happy 1st Anniversary, ODNT!


Yes, that’s right. Just one year ago today, I wrote a blog post

… then sweated buckets about it, sent proofs to half a dozen people, second guessed myself, ate a pound of cheese and drank a bottle of wine contemplating it, considered scrapping the whole thing, third guessed myself, cried quietly, berated myself in front of the mirror …

and hit publish.

It’s been a very interesting first year. CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW to see just a few of the highlights in my scrapbook.

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If you’re interested in reading some of the stories in this scrapbook, I’ve included the links for you at the end of this post. Because I understand lazy. And I know I would NEVER bother to look them up on my own. And I’m assuming that, if you read this blog, you’re probably lazy like me. So I did your heavy lifting for you today.

Thanks to all of you for riding shotgun with me the past year. Here’s to year number two!

The Posts that Inspired ‘Things You Read About on ODNT (2011-12)’

  1. Man Boobs Quiz  & Answers *
  2. Hoarder on Wheels
  3. Naked Mole Rats Introduction & Tweeting Spree
  4. Norma Stitz *
  5. Bitchy Barbies Introduction, Playdate & Acquisition
  6. Red Hair Dye Phobias
  7. Drug Hallucinations
  8. Tumor Look-a-like Contest *
  9. The AMC Letters: One, Two, Three & Four
  10. Bag Balm
  11. Just Say No to Saving the Earth
  12. Paging Mr. Baldwin: The Appeal & The Response
  13. Hunger Games Prequel
  14. My Junior Novel (maybe)
  15. How does one say Goodbye to a Toilet?
  16. A Hairy Day at Disney World
  17. A Cow named Michele
  18. Creating a New Identity for my Class Reunion
  19. When Johnny Depp came to my BBQ
  20. Spray Cheese Delivered to your Door
  21. Things You Learn While Drinking Wine
  22. A Bloody Good Idea for Next Summer
  23. The Hamster’s Going to Need a Lot of Therapy

* These posts have been deleted for undisclosed reasons. And, for the record,  it is NOT because I’ve been served with restraining orders from John Travolta, Norma Stitz and Homer Simpson.

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