Nine Ways Teenagers Are Just Like Sharknado

The big release of Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! is July 22, 2015. That’s tomorrow! It’s the third installment in what will now be one of the most epic …. groundbreakingmonumental … oh, I give up. It’s the third one. And, if you have even one frail, osteoporosis-inflicted funny bone in your body, you should tune in.

My daughter, Viv, and I couldn’t be more excited. We’ll probably watch it dressed as our favorite characters. Eating sushi and shark-themed snacks. With some kind of blood red beverage. Of course.

Oh, and speaking of my daughter, recently turned 13, do you guys realize I am now the parent of TWO teenagers?!!? (Bring on Wally World.) And as I was thinking about Sharknado 3, and my kids, an idea came to me for a blog post. And thus was born ….

Nine Ways Teenagers Are Just Like Sharknado

1. At any moment, you could have your head bitten off.

Without warning.

2. Everything just so, so, so messy  … almost all of the time.

Blood? Please. I wish blood was the only mess they made. Sharks ain’t got nothing on teenagers.

3. The dialogue is usually some of the most ridiculous you’ve ever heard.

Seriously, you couldn’t write this stuff if you tried. Except for Sharknado. Because people are writing it. And getting paid for it. (pausing to think, which explains the faint smell of smoke around my head) Wonder if they’d hire my kids.

4. Second chances are always available as a safety net.

Don’t like the football team? Try the basketball team. Failed the math test? Ask about extra credit. Swallowed by a shark? A friend can cut you out with a chainsaw. Problem solved.

5. You’re often asked, nay expected, to do something quite difficult that you’ve never actually done before.

Like reverse bungee jumping, Latin conjugation or landing an imperiled plane being attacked by flying sharks.

6. Absurd characters make cameos in your day-to-day life.

And while none of them is Andy Dick or Billy Ray Cyrus, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if someone like Rodrick or Patty Farrell from the Wimpy Kid series suddenly walked through my door one day.

7. Like sharks, I’m almost positive that teenagers are also bisectable by chain saw.

Although technically, I am only guessing on this one.

8. You shouldn’t try to make sense of anything that is happening around you.

It’s best just to plant your feet firmly and deal with the problems (or flying sharks) as they’re thrown at you.

9. The best advice to give a teenager (and a Sharknado viewer) is always the same.

Don’t take everything so seriously. It’s just supposed to be fun.

Can’t wait!

I don’t think I’ve been this excited since I learned you could fry cheese, you guys!

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! World Premiere

Wednesday, July 22 9/8c

SyFy Network



Looking for a new way to connect with your kid? How about performing together?

Tell the truth. It just wouldn’t be summer without a blog post from me about doing a play with my daughter. Right? (tapping you insistently on the shoulder … because my inability to post consistently has caused me to lose your attention)

Well, of course right.

Remember when we did Joseph (and his Crazy Wild Funky Dreamcoat) or Elvis Presley’s everybody’s-in-love-with-everybody-even-across-gender-lines All Shook Up. Doing those plays together created some of the best memories I’ve ever made with my girl. Which is why this summer, together with about 70 other talented people, we took on Shrek the Musical. I played a witch (specifically the Wicked Witch of the East) as well as Queen Lillian, Fiona’s mother. Which is weird because Vivien (my daughter) actually played Fiona. Well, she played TEEN Fiona. If you’ve ever seen the show, Fiona is depicted at three ages: child, teen and adult. Viv’s role was in the middle.

Here she is with her other two selves performing their signature song:

Seriously, how good is my kid?

One of the biggest numbers in the show is entitled Let Your Freak Flag Fly. The message is simple. BE who you are and, more importantly, EMBRACE who you are. I like that a lot … probably because I pride myself on being someone who doesn’t always quite fit the mold. (Don’t we all feel that way sometimes? Please just nod politely.)

YOU: But, Michele, do you have pictures?

ME: Are you kidding?!!? I actually started a Photo Circle with the entire cast and crew. Which means I have exactly 827 pictures … and counting. But don’t worry. I’m just posting a few.

The three lovely faces of Fiona

Action shots (thanks to the friends who took them for us!)


Some of Viv’s besties came to see her. (Yes, that’s Nutella in her right hand.  Now THAT’S a friend.)

And some of mine came, too. (XOXO)


So many incredible people in this show. 

Gratuitous witch selfies 

Who says witches can’t be angels?

As always, I loved every single minute of it. I’m so proud of you, Viv.

Can’t wait ’til 2016!


The Post Where I Talk About Sending Razor Blades in the U.S. Mail

First, there was my letter to the Bic Corporation.

Then,  they replied.

Then, *I* replied to their reply.

Then, there was a little dull-but-necessary correspondence. (What? It can’t ALL be Shakespeare.)

YOU: “OMG! Stop teasing us! What happened next, Michele?!!?”

Ever the rule follower, I packaged up the evidence and hand delivered it to the nearest postal worker.

Me: (approaching a busy, distracted, painfully-bored-with-me postal employee) “Excuse me. Sir? Is it illegal to mail a razor blade?”

Postal Employee: (suddenly not so busy, eyeing me suspiciously over his poorly-tape-repaired reading glasses as he repeated my question back to me incredulously) “Is it illegal to mail a razor blade???”

Me: “Yes.” (not missing a beat and smiling like an idiot) “Is it?”

Postal Employee: “Well,” (he was clearly stalling for time and scanning the room for the nearest exit) “I guess that would depend on the situation.”

Me: “Oh. Well, it’s all wrapped up very securely. And I’m mailing it to the BIC Corporation. As part of a complaint file.”

Postal Employee: (loosening the grip on the matte knife he was holding) “Alright. Well, I guess that sounds okay.” (turning to resume his work)

Me: “Oh! Wait! Did I mention that the blade I’m sending recently exploded into five sharp fragments? I’ll be sending ALL of them.”

Postal Employee: (turning abruptly to face me and backing out of the room with a nervous smile) “Um, you know what? I think we’re going to have to call my manager.”

I guess it’s not every day some jackass wants to mail an exploded razor blade. But  hey, at least I was honest about it, right? 

Just in case you can’t read my handwriting:

June 15, 2015

ATTN: Daniel (I am still withholding Dan’s last name to protect his privacy. You’re welcome, Dan.), Claim Manager

Enclosed you will find the defective BIC Soleil razor mentioned in my earlier correspondence. Please be aware (and warned!) that the razor blade itself broke apart into 5 individual pieces. (That’s 5 opportunities to cut yourself. Careful, Daniel!) And I’ve also included the plastic handle. So you’ve got 6 parts total – each individually wrapped. Safety first!

Thanks in advance for your help with this matter. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Michele R. Poche

Will the package arrive in one piece to the BIC Corporate Office without being pulled by authorities? Will Dan sustain any injuries from having to unwrap five broken fragments of a razor blade? Is anyone even still reading the BIC Exploding Razor Series?

Only time will tell.

Well, time and my next applicable blog post.

So stay tuned!


For those of you keeping up with the Bic Exploding Razor Series …

First, there was my letter to the Bic Corporation.

Then, there was their reply.

Then, I wrote them back … AGAIN!

And the saga continues …

On June 8, 2015 at 8:17am, I received this email. (To those not in the biz, “email” is short for electronic message.):

Dear Mrs. Poche:

Thank you for your reply. I’ll have the mailing label sent this morning.

Best regards,


Always a stickler for proper corporate correspondence etiquette, I responded the very same day at 3:35pm with the following message:

Thanks, Daniel. I’ll keep an eye out for it.


Then … sure enough … over the weekend I received this letter (traditionally … as in from inside my Home-Depot-quality mailbox) from the Bic Corporation:

Just in case the letter in the photo is illegible, please allow me to transcribe it for you:

June 8, 2015

Mrs. Michele Poche

(Address omitted. What am I … nuts???)

Dear Mrs. Poche,

Thank you for your June 3 and 5, 2015 emails. I’m sorry to hear of your daughter’s recent experience with a BIC Soleil Twilight shaver.

At BIC, quality is uppermost in our minds. When one of our products does not meet the consumer’s expectations, we appreciate being made aware of it.

While inquiries and comments such as yours can be helpful to BIC’s quality and research endeavors, an examination of the subject shaver is necessary to determine the possible cause of this experience. Therefore, I have asked that you return the shaver, which you have agreed to do. I have enclosed a mailing label for your convenience; however, it’s not clear whether your daughter sustained an injury; if so, and should you elect to present a claim, may I recommend that you use a method to return the shaver that will allow for tracking of the package, and the opportunity for you to request a signature for delivery.

In accordance with the BIC Performance Policy, upon my receipt of the shavers, a coupon will be provided to you for the replacement BIC shavers, which may be used to select any BIC shaver model of your choice.

I look forward to hearing from you with this additional information. 

Very truly yours, 



Aside from confusing me with an epic, 60-word sentence (which was actually a question), I think BIC’s intent is sincere and I appreciate their immediate attention to my problem here.

It’s my move again, isn’t it?


Zoiks! Like, let’s check it out on YouTube, Scoob!

I’m a child of the 80s. Fine, I’m a child of the 70s, too. Actually, I guess I’m really just kind of a child. Which is why, when asked by my friends at Zeitghost Media, I jumped at the chance to help Warner Brothers with its latest promotion.

It seems like only yesterday. I remember waking up before the sun, sneaking down the groovy-orange-carpet-covered stairs past my sleeping parents bedroom to pour myself a big bowl of Count Chocula and tune into Saturday morning cartoons. Bugs Bunny, Hong Kong Phooey, Fat Albert & the Cosby Kids and, of course, Scooby Doo. That goofy dog, his ragtag team of hipster detectives and far-out guests including everyone from The Harlem Globetrotters to Sonny & Cher … they always made me laugh. And, let’s be honest, who among us didn’t want to BE Daphne? (Sorry,  Velma. Were you even a girl?)

I’ve got good news, fellow Scooby-philes! Now you can watch all new videos from DCKids & Warner Bros. on their Youtube channels. They’ve got everything from  Batman Unlimited, DC Super Friends and … yes! … Scooby-Doo. And there’ll be lots of new additions in the next year so be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss anything.

Want to take a chance to win one of five mystery toy gift baskets from DCKids & WBKids? (Mystery baskets? Seriously, could that be more Scooby-inspired?) Each prize is worth at least $50.


Good luck to all you meddling kids out there!


The Bic Exploding Razor Series Continues

First, there was my letter to the Bic Corporation.

Then, there was their reply.

And now the saga continues …

Hi, Daniel!

Sure. I’d be happy to discuss anything you need to know about the razor in question. Unfortunately, I am not always available for lengthy conversations as I work part-time out of my house AND my kids are now home for the summer. Their favorite activity this time of year is interrupting my phone calls. Nothing seems to makes them happier.

Per your question, I DO still possess the razor and its many disjointed parts. Because we didn’t take the time to dry everything before stashing it in a Ziploc bag, it’s rusted a bit but all the parts are still there and yours for the taking.

Upon interviewing my daughter this morning to get as much information as I could for you, I learned that she had only used the razor a few times before the “explosion” happened when she dropped it in the shower.

Now … before you justify the drop for the break, I assure you my shower stall is made out of the same standard fiberglass materials on which I’ve dropped what is likely hundreds of razors over the course of my lifetime. (Seriously, nobody drops things more than me. Which is why I play piano and not football!) And none of these many, many butterfingered incidents have ever been met with self-destruction. But maybe you weren’t going to say that. And maybe I’m just being defensive. 🙂

In any event, please let me know what you want to do next and I’ll be glad to help.

Thanks for your prompt response,
Michele R. Poche
(504) xxx-xx6x

Will Daniel send Michele a self-addressed mailing envelope to return the faulty razor? Will sending the razor provide the answers needed to safeguard future generations from the nicks, cuts and bloodbaths associated with exploding razors? Might Michele decide that shaved legs aren’t worth the risk and decide to sport a more Mediterranean look from here forward? 

Only time will tell. Stay tuned for the next installment of …

The Bic Exploding Razor Series


A Quick Response from the Bic Corporation

The following letter is a reply to my letter to the Bic Corporation. I should point out that Bic responded to me within 24 hours of my original correspondence, but it has taken me a day or so to post their follow-up. Please enjoy the continuing saga of The Exploding Razor.

Dear Mrs. Poche.

Thank you for your e-mail, which has been referred to my attention.

I’m sorry to hear of your daughter’s experience, and wanted to send a quick reply to acknowledge receipt of your e-mail.

After reviewing your e-mail (to include the attached web version) I don’t have enough details to fully understand what occurred. Would you provide a telephone number where I may contact you, so that we can discuss it and I can obtain further details?

I’m certain an examination would go a long way in providing answers to what occurred and why. Please confirm whether the subject shaver depicted in the photograph is still available, and if so, I will provide you with a postage paid mailing label for its return to me, with a cover letter and instructions.

Thank you for apprising BIC of this experience, and for the photograph. I look forward to hearing from you regarding the availability of the shaver and your telephone number.

Best regards,

Daniel *

* Personal contact information omitted to preserve Dan’s privacy. (May I call you Dan?) So far, I like Dan. He seems like a man who gets things done.