Monthly Archives: September 2013

Letter #1 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau


Remember my post entitled Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear MeYeah? Well, let the letter writing campaign begin!


September 6, 2013

Hello, People of Greenland!

My name is Michele and I write a humor blog (website) over in the United States, more specifically in New Orleans. Have you heard of New Orleans? We appreciate our seafood as much as you do, except we tend to drown ours in fiery sauces and often serve it with rice. But I didn’t contact you today to talk about fish. Rather, I’m writing because I recently noticed a glaring void of Greenlanders in my readership. As in zero. (See the map below. The darker the color, the great the amount of readership in that territory. Notice Greenland is LILY white.)

 

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For this reason, I featured Greenland today on my blog (which henceforth shall be referred to as ODNT). Here is the link for the featured post. https://olddognewtits.com/2013/09/06/hello-greenland-can-you-hear-me/

As you will see when you click the link (please DO click the link), I explained the problem to my readers and proceeded to share a lot of (oh, let’s just call them) tongue-in-cheek tweets I sent a while ago to Greenland in an attempt to mend fences and nurture our relationship. The backbone of ODNT is, after all, made primarily of humor. Humor and honesty. Plus a little cheese wherever we can squeeze it in.

Why am I writing you today? Well, as I stated in my post, I really want to boost my Greenland readership, even if only by one person. Can you guys help me out? You must know at least one fellow countryman who needs a good laugh now and then. Or perhaps even YOU!

I so look forward to hearing from you guys. Aluu! Ulloq naalluariariuk! (That’s supposed to be ‘Have A Nice Day!’ Thank goodness I didn’t need to say it aloud.)

Michele Robert Poche

P.S. Should you ever need someone to write a travel review of your beautiful country, please call on me immediately. The pictures I’ve come across in my research are quite simply amazing. And, again, I love seafood … although I have yet to try whale. 🙂


Greenland, can you hear us? We’re just dying to meet you!

Stay tunes for more in this series ….

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Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear Me?


What self-respecting writer doesn’t keep up with her demographics? Well … me, for one. But I never claimed to respect myself anyway. Still, it’s been a year since I made the groundbreaking discovery detailed below. And what have I done about it? WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Nothing. I have failed you, Greenland.

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The darker the color, the greater the ODNT readership in that territory. Notice the vast white land mass in the top center. Those are my haters in Greenland.

But I won’t rest until I get at least one reader from the 56,370 people living in your 840,000 square miles! (pausing to think) Maybe if I wrote a blog post about the fact that there are only two traffic lights in all of Greenland. … Seriously, when do you guys change the radio station? Or put on lipstick?!!? Wait! Maybe Greenlanders don’t even wear lipstick! You know, being from different cultures and all.

Anyway, as you may recall, I began stalking you as a country/continent/popsicle more than a year ago. Let’s take a look, shall we?

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Alright, fine. Maybe I got a little silly. It is, after all, what I do best. Which you would know if you ever bothered to read ODNT!! Just know this. I am a persistent pest of a person. And I really want to hear from someone in Greenland. Anyone! And, once I’ve got something ridiculous in my head, I don’t back down easily. Just ask Alec Baldwin.

In the meantime, I’ll start brushing up on my Greenlandic. I’ve already learned a few useful phrases, such as Qanoq ateqarpit? (What’s your name?), Naak W.C-ii? (Where’s the toilet?) and Umiatsiaasara pullattagaq nimerussanik ulikkaarpoq (My hovercraft is full of eels.)

What? Maybe that happens a lot in Greenland.

* * * * * * * * * *

Okay, Greenland. The ball’s in your court. Come say hi! You can reach me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest. Or just comment below. I’ll have a bowl of warm suaasat* waiting for you.

(*traditional Greenlandic soup made from seal or sometimes whale, reindeer or seabirds)

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I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop

Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend. Especially after the Dentist.


“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. The Sun Also Rises. Some of our best literature was born from brains that weren’t operating on all cylinders. Or perhaps just on different, previously unexplored cylinders. Thanks to one chemical substance or another.”

– Me, but I wanted to set it aside like it was a quote by someone important

* * * * * * * * * *

I went to the dentist today. My mouth is still very numb. And yet also very sore. (How does that happen, by the way?) I stopped off at the store on the way home because I really wanted mashed potatoes. I also bought some new strawberry beer and, now that I’m looking through the bags, black beans and stewed tomatoes. (I blame the meds.) Anyway, I just ate the mashed potatoes. Being freshly made and somewhat lumpy, they weren’t easy to eat … and I’m pretty sure I just bit off a chunk of my inner cheek. (I wish I was kidding.)

As the pain began setting in, I reclined a while on the sofa. (I used “reclined” here because I’m tired and paranoid about accidentally inverting the past tenses of lay and lie in my stupor.) And then I decided to distract myself with a little writing until my kids got home. (Thanks, Mom & Virginia for bringing them home today.)

You might remember a post I wrote recently about creating a mix tape for Dave for this birthday. I created it in response to a writing prompt called Twisted Mix Tape hosted by Jen Kehl each week. This week’s prompt asks for a Greatest Hits tape. And guess where my anesthetized brain went? (Remember, it’s a little swishy right now.)

Let’s get right to it as I’m getting a little sleepy. If I were to create a Greatest Hits tape … and I mean right now as I type from the sofa with a confused head full of deadening pain medication … here’s what I would title that cassette:

Neil Diamond’s Greatest Hits

Because it’s one of the first songs I ever learned to play on the guitar.

Because it reminds me of watching The Jazz Singer with my family as a kid. I think it was my mom’s favorite song. And the fact that it mentions New Orleans doesn’t hurt either.

Because Dave’s impression of him singing this song specifically pretty much sealed the deal for me 19 years ago.

Because I remember my dad singing it when he brought me to see Neil in concert when I was a kid. (I also remember hearing Heartlight that same night. Notice it did NOT make the list.)

Because it might just be the best karaoke song ever written.

* * * * * BONUS TRACK * * * * *

Because of “TODAY!!!”

* * * * * * * * * *

Thanks for easing my tooth pain today, Neil. And spending all afternoon fixing my hair and talking to Javier, the giant purple giraffe, and me on the sofa. You’re the best!

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Ketchup With Us #25


Man, have I been hit by a lot of birthdays lately! As you might know, ODNT just celebrated her 2nd birthday. (Naturally, I forgot and wrote about it a week later.) Oh, and my friend, Derek? 40! And his wife, Ashley? Also, 40! (Yes, I just outed you two on national blogavision!) Who else? Who else? Oh, yeah. And Ketchup!!! Did you guys know that KetchupWithUs turns one today? Yes, that’s right. Mel and I have been making asses out of ourselves wearing full-body ketchup costumes in public for no pay for a whole year now! My mom is so proud. It’s a banner day here at ODNT!

I only wish we had more birthdays to celebrate around here. It’s too bad. Because it really feels like we need just one more, doesn’t it? Just one more birthday would make the place feel festive. I might even decorate. Or bake a cake. (I know, right? Me? Baking?) Oh, well. Guess we’ll just have to settle for celebrating ODNT, Derek, Ashley and Ketchup.

Oh, wait!!! Have I mentioned yet that TODAY IS MEL’S BIRTHDAY?!!? No, I don’t think I did. (wink) Just to mess with her. Out of playful spite. (To the birthday girl. You guys probably shouldn’t be reading this part.) You know I love you, my friend. And I can’t wait for the next time we get together. I’ve been practicing my Bitchy-Resting-DuckMouth.

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Hey, you guys! Go tell Mel Happy Birthday! Or Tweet, Facebook, Instagram and Pin her. And read her blog! It’s way better than mine … plus you might actually learn something while you’re there.


Now … onto to KetchupWithUs #25 …


June 10, 1977 – My parents took me to see Donny & Marie Osmond the day before my birthday. It’s all I wanted. I was so little. I wore a pretty, purple dress. And I truly believed I’d get to meet them that night. 

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Of course, I did make that little girl’s dreams come true a few decades later.

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For a QUICK EXPLANATION of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a linker from the previous KWU. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

The Shitastrophy


RULES? WHO NEEDS ‘EM?!!?

The rules are … THERE ARE NO RULES! Just guidelines. And we’d be truly honored if you posted our button on your page and followed us on Facebook (Michele /Mel), Twitter (Michele/Mel), Instagram (Michele/Mel) and Pinterest (Michele/Mel).

GRAB OUR BUTTON!

olddognewtits.com


‘KETCHUP WITH US’ – Prompt 25

In 57 words or less, tell us about an incredible, disastrous or otherwise memorable birthday in your life.

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