WAIT!!!
Just joining us for the Hamilton Beach Toaster Chronicles? For it all to make sense, you have to first read these posts:
- A Letter to Hamilton Beach … Toaster Department, Please
- Hamilton Beach Wrote Back! Cue the Pumpkin Pop-Tarts!
- Letter #2 to Hamilton Beach (Plus an Overdue Apology to Kmart)
- Wait! Hamilton Beach Doesn’t BELIEVE Me???
- Letter #3 to Hamilton Beach (I’m a lover, not a fighter)
- Hamilton Beach Wrote Back (I can almost smell the toast. Almost!)
- Letter #4 to Hamilton Beach (How am *I* the outlaw here?)
- The Toastman Cometh!
- The 2013 Great American Toast-Off
First things first. With two identical toasters in the house, I thought it crucial that I irrefutably identify the culprit …
… and give him one last crack at his job. (A final cigarette seemed so redundant.)
He did not disappoint. (This photo was taken outside where the smoke forced us to flee.)
And then, the murder. But how?
Strangling?
Running down with the car?
Drowning/electrocution (Can you electrocute a toaster?)
I finally decided on a more humane method.
So I blindfolded the toaster …
… and myself …
… AND I DID IT!!!
Is this what you wanted, Hamilton Beach?
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?!!?
(super awkward silence)
It is finished.
And now, we’ll all just have to go on with our lives and try to pretend nothing ever happened.
(cue ominous music as camera slowly zooms out and screen fades to black)
OldDogNewTits 
Um question did you test the other toaster before killing that one???
We’re all set. 🙂
https://olddognewtits.com/2013/12/09/the-great-american-toast-off-of-2013/
From the prosecutor: “Allow me to introduce exhibit A of this Murder trial…”
Yeah. I guess I shouldn’t have chronicled it all so publicly.
Are you kidding? I loved it! To be honest, I was waiting for the shotgun to come out.
Ka-Boom!
If only we were a gun-toting family, Gene … 🙂
What about a nerf with red dye in the sponge?
You had to, or it would have killed you first.
True.
I once destroyed a toaster with my bare hands because it looked at me funny.
Just kidding. It actually hit me first.
I missed the sleepy eye mask thing when you sent the pic. That made me laugh out loud. That…and Milo looking in the bath tub. 🙂
I love that Milo took such an interest in this project. Then again, he and the old toaster were very close.
You look like Sandra Bullock in that last photo! Basically any movie where she’s overacting…you just captured it with that expression.
I realize that your comment is not actually intended as a compliment but I’ve decided to take it that way. Because she’s pretty. 🙂
I hope you gave it a proper burial when all was done. I will miss the toaster chronicles, but life goes on I guess.
Toaster #1 sleeps with the fishes.
Leave the scissors, take the cannoli.
I have so many Godfather references…..
Well that’s ONE (or several) of taking care of your problem! Cheers to new toasters for Christmas you lucky girl!
Woah – that toaster is…toast.
Noooo! The trauma!
I am sort of like you. I have old cats and the same tits.
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I am dying! Just dying! This is awesome! I am def putting this on my holiday shopping list-NOT!!!!!
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