The polls are open. Time to get your vote on.


Okay, so there is still a funk lingering in the air around here … and I’m understandably queasy about putting up this poll … but we must move forward to avoid getting left behind, right?  If you’ve been following along, you most likely have an opinion on the backbone of this blog.  And I want it.  Here and now.  Please take a look at the poll below, pick your answer and feel free to elaborate in the comment boxes below.  Few choices in life are black and white and I’m happy to entertain all of your explanations, thoughts, musings, mantras, recipes, jingles, song lyrics, poetry, tongue twisters, grocery lists, etc.

Oh, and I wanted to include a comment left by a regular ODNT reader and fellow blogger. Unlike some readers here, this individual and I have never met before so this opinion comes completely unbiased and fully anonymous.

What can I say about the decision of whether to go ahead with this? As you acknowledged, this is ultimately your choice to make. The fact that you’re hesitating is no surprise, because it’s a pretty big expense, and having your body modified isn’t a choice that should be taken lightly. I think if the side of your inner Sybil who thinks you should scrap the whole idea has been coming out often (or speaking loudly), maybe you should wait. But if you feel good about the whole idea and it only makes you nervous occasionally, you’ll probably have no regrets after going through with it.

– If you back out, you’ll probably be comfortable with the knowledge that you saved some money and avoided some minor but very real risks. But you might always look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I could have gotten some fabulous new ta-tas, and I chickened out! What was I thinking?”

– If you go through with it, I’m positive you’ll be happy with the way you look. You’ll get an instant and long-lasting boost to your self-image. You and your husband will have lots of fun playing with the new toys. But you might forever feel selfish, frivolous, and vain.

Gut instinct, without over-thinking it, which of these two situations seems more likely to eat at you?

If that doesn’t help, just ask yourself how likely you are to be stabbed in the chest, or have a Hezbollah rocket shot at you. Some extra padding out there could save your life

Ugh.  I’m high in the air … looking down … out of the open door of the plane. The houses look tiny and the people like ants. I sure hope this thing on my back is a parachute and not my daughter’s iCarly backpack. Here I go …

 20120407-223706.jpg

Blog Entry about Nothing


I tried to write today. Honest.

My biggest problem … besides being in a general sort of funk … is that I somehow managed to delete my ideas list from my phone. I never claimed to be a genius, did I? But, even without my list (aka lifeline), I still had a few tricks up my sleeve so you’d think I’d be fine, right?

Wrong. And so I began processing my thoughts …

(1) Hey! What about the next Name Those Boobs game? Nah, too soon.

(2) Well, duh. What about the next vote? No, no, no. I am not ready. Not today. No.

(3) What about that thing I saw about Denise Richards’ concerns about her implants and her daughters? No. Her situation is very different from mine. She was 19 and I am … not 19. And she admittedly went too big and is worried about her girls’ constant exposure to the great emphasis put on her appearance as an actress. Not really my issue.

(4) What about that story I saw about the new studies linking light drinking and breast cancer? No. It was the lamest, most slopped together story that seemed unfounded and basically went nowhere fast.

And so it went … with idea after idea after idea … all evening until I flipped on the TV and mindlessly tuned in to an old episode of Seinfeld.

Which gave me the idea to write this ‘Blog Entry about Nothing.’

I literally lay in my bed and typed it sideways on my phone (really bringing the expression ‘phoning it in’ to life). I promise better things tomorrow. At least I hope I do.

Gotta get out of this funk.

20120407-223706.jpg

A Halloween Story written BY my daughter FOR this blog. Is that weird?


Ever since I published her ‘Nerd Girl’ creation  (If Nerds could be Superheroes), my daughter has been hellbent on making the blog again.  She came home from school today with this Halloween composition … written just for me and (apparently) all ODNT readers.  I liked it … and found it not surprisingly offbeat.  And so, without further ado, I present to you my girl’s second blog submission  – The Mysterious Treat Trick.

20111031-174038.jpg

20111031-174247.jpg

20111031-174256.jpg

20120407-223706.jpg

My multiple personalities are fighting again


Okay, let’s get back to our ODNT roots here.  We’ve been through five preliminary consultations, two follow-up appointments and one scary emergency mammogram and ultrasound together.  We’ve talked about botched boobs, troublemaking boobs, giNORmous boobs, mystery boobs, saggy boobs, perky boobs, slapping boobs, foreign boobs, holiday boobs, famous boobs, dancing boobs, old boobs, stabbed boobs, insured boobs and uniboobs.

But we’re not done yet.

We still have a big decision to make, don’t we?  I will be calling for a vote down to one doctor in the next few days.  (Don’t vote on this post though please.  The poll will be up soon.)

Anyway, if you think I’ve already made my decision, think again.  One minute I’m looking in the mirror, checking myself out and thinking …

“Okay.  I’m definitely getting a  lift. That’s the one thing every doctor … and even my mom … agreed on.    And I should probably get a little inflation.  Just a little.  I don’t want to be too big.   After all this research and soul searching, I really should do something for myself. Everyone knows that moms don’t stop and do things for themselves enough, right? Come on, Michele. Don’t be such a wuss. 

And then the next minute, I’m all …

“I can’t do this. This is crazy. There are risks. And there are starving people in Africa … and tuition to pay …. and house notes and electric bills and other debts. We’re not rich people.  How can I spend this kind of cash on my boobs?!!?

Yes, yes, I know. I’ve exposed my inner Sybil.  The pendulum of the human psyche.  The fight (sometimes to the death) between the right brain and the left brain.  Sybil presents herself from time to time in all of us when making big decisions. Most people call it vacillating, wavering, overanalyzing.  I just call it a Sybil moment. (If you aren’t familiar with this classic movie, look it up.  Sally Field.  Good stuff.  Long before her current stint on Brothers & Sisters.)

My point? I’m still not sure what to do.  And yes … while ultimately it is my decision to make and I will have the final say … my family, my friends and YOU will also be playing a very important advisory role for me.  You’ve basically come on every one of these appointments with me.  You’ve heard everything these doctors have had to say.  We’ve learned about full lifts, median lifts and mini-lifts together.  And the incisions and scarring associated with all of them. We’ve learned about the pros and cons of saline versus silicone.  And about texturized implant shells.  And we’ve learned about ccs – and how they can SO make a difference. We learned about fat injections as a new augmentation alternative. We’ve learned about an implant’s effect on mammography. And so on … and so on …. and so on …

So, since we’re all experts now, I’m asking that you please take a minute to look back over the appointments.  At a minimum, please review the Doctor 4 and Doctor 5 reports, first  and second round if I may be so bold as to ask.  Both of these doctors are excellent and I would be in good hands either way.

But … which doctor is the best fit for me?

Or … should I leave well enough alone and scrap the whole damned thing?

This is the moment of truth.  Please read over whatever you need to help me decide … and then be on the look out for the next round of voting in a few days. I LOVE you people for riding shotgun with me throughout everything. 🙂

20120407-223706.jpg

Where’s Pee-wee’s 40 bucks?


I went Halloween costume shopping with my girl today and saw this one. Am I nuts … or was Paul Reubens totally ripped off?

“Paging Mr. Herman …”

20111026-202308.jpg Continue reading

When did all the wine makers get so pissy?


I went wine shopping today.  Well, I really went grocery shopping but it turned into wine shopping … because I was at a different store than usual. Every so often, I cheat on my regular nearby grocer and visit the place I went today because they stock things I can’t find anywhere else. And, when I just have to have things like my Mon Cuisine Vegan Moroccan Chicken frozen dinners, it’s my go-to place.

The wine section at this store actually comes staffed with its own personnel, ready and willing to offer recommendations and assist me with any questions I may have. That’s service. And because I spent about twenty minutes browsing the bottles while my dairy products curdled in the cart, I had to beat off the wine guys three or four times. They likely soon realized I was an idiot anyway when I started snapping pictures of the bottles found below.

And I’ll ask again – When did all of the wine makers get so pissy? Once I saw the first label, it became a game to find more ‘angry’ bottles so I could share this completely useless information with you.

20111025-151147.jpg

20111025-151209.jpg

20111025-151234.jpg

20111025-151248.jpg

20111025-151343.jpg

20111025-151554.jpg

Sure.  They think I’m crazy at that store now. But it was worth it. And I did come home with a pleasantly-named Malbec so I didn’t completely waste their time.

20120407-223706.jpg

Round 2 – A Second Visit to Boob Doctor 4 (with my husband AND my mom)


Alright, let’s address the title of this entry right off the bat.

My husband is coming to the second round visits for two reasons: (1) He cares about my welfare. (Yes, I am making an assumption here but I think on most days it’s actually true) and (2) He is the co-signer on all of my financial accounts. This statement makes it sound like we have sizeable accounts in Switzerland or the Grand Caymans.  We do not.  We do, however, have one at the local branch around the corner.  There – I am important.  They always have ice cold water available for me at no charge that I may drink in as many two-ounce dunce cap-shaped cups as I desire.  And I’m pretty sure if I asked that they would give me a Saf-T-pop.  For free.

My mom came to this visit (she couldn’t make it to Doctor 5’s second visit) because she is curious about everything and wants to be sure I’m making a good decision here.  She cares.  A lot.  And if that makes me a dork then it’s really just one more thing to add to the list.  Which grows.  Every day.  Especially now since I’m a … blogger.

Anyway, you know the drill. Woke up. Kids off to school.  Got myself ready to go and waited for my ‘committee’ to arrive so I could leave for the appointment.  My husband came back home first, then my brother came over (no, he wasn’t part of the original plan) and then my mom.  No one was in a hurry to get there and get this thing done except me.  My brother and my husband actually started to talk football.  I resisted the urge to kill them both and managed to send my brother on his way and herd my spouse and mother into the car with me. And off we went.

This morning, we paid a second visit to Doctor 4. He’s the doctor that suggested a mini-lift and saline implants (270 to 330cc).  The implants he uses (Allergan) are texturized and come with an impressive 10-year insurance policy.  My friend, Vanessa, came with me last time.  Remember?

We weren’t in the waiting room long before my name was called.  I immediately introduced my husband and my mom and explained their presence and was met with smiles and complete understanding.  (Exhale.)  The three of us were escorted to an examination room by the doctor’s assistant.  She was just as helpful and friendly as she was last time and put me and my entourage immediately at ease.

We chatted with her only a few minutes before the doctor came in.  (I still like him so much.)  He began explaining everything we talked about at my first appointment to my husband and mother to get them up to speed.  I could see that they both felt comfortable with him.

Having just been to Doctor 5 again, the comparison was fresh in my mind.  One of my first questions was about the texturized shells used with the saline implants. If you remember, Doctor 4 swears by them as they are said to adapt better within the chest wall and prevent scar tissue from forming around them. Doctor 5 said he feels they don’t always drop into place as well as the smooth shells following surgery.  And I shared Doctor 5’s comment at this appointment.

Doctor 4 said he hasn’t had any issues with the texturized implants and said they always drop perfectly into place.  He stood by their ability to maintain a pocket for themselves where they are inserted rather than becoming embedded in scar tissue.  He added that prevention of scar tissue means prevention of breast hardening which can occur over the years with the smooth outer shells.  Never wanting to be a guinea pig for science or progress, I asked how long these texturized shells have been available, expecting to hear somewhere in the neighborhood of five years. “Twenty-five years” was the answer.

So I’m guessing they’re tried and true then.

We talked a lot about his specific recommendations for me and asked a few questions here and there.   My husband asked his same ‘What about any complications that arise during this elective surgery? Are they covered by insurance?” question. Similar to our other second round doctor, Doctor 4 said that the number one complication risk is infection but it is extremely rare. He said he personally guarantees all of his work as well as the products he uses during surgery.  He said an infection can be treated, with the implant even removed if necessary, immediately and in the office.  His assurance and surgical history served to satisfy all of us, especially when added to the fact that the implants carried an additional insurance policy of their own.

My mom had some questions about his recommendations.  (1) Would the mini-lift do the trick for me? (My mom was the one who first made the lift diagnosis for me years ago. What? I said we were close.)  (2) What effect would the implants have on my mammograms?  And the doctor answered them with her the same way he did with me.  (1) Yes, because of where I measured, a mini-lift should achieve the result I need without subjecting me to all of the additional incisions and thus scarring involved with a full lift.  (2) With additional views taken during my mammograms, the technician should be able to achieve as full a view of my breast tissue as a patient without implants.

When everyone’s questions had been answered, I asked to see the ‘Great Big Book of Boobs’  again.  And there I sat with my husband, my mom and a complete stranger flipping through page after page of saggy-to-braggy breasts. I figured my spouse had suffered through two boob appointments so I’d at least score him the book. But I hadn’t really considered the fact that he’d be looking through it with his mother-in-law.  Looking back, it seemed more like a Farrelly Brothers movie than real life.  Although I think I did hear him comment about someone’s “cans” while flipping through the book at some point. So maybe it wasn’t a total loss …

And now I really need some time to digest.  And mull.  And ponder. And contemplate, meditate, formulate, deliberate.

Great. Now I’m thinking of that stupid INXS song.

20120407-223706.jpg

Needed: Caption for this Picture


Milo recently introduced himself to Steve, our new school fair goldfish, and I snapped this picture.  Captions, anyone?

20111022-193959.jpg

Oh, yeah. And also …

RIP Steve 10/14/11 – 10/22/11

20120407-223706.jpg

Round 2 – A Second Visit to Boob Doctor 5 (this time with the spouse along for the ride)


Let’s recap. I had five Round One breast augmentation doctor consultations and brought girlfriends with me to all of them.  After meeting with them and reporting everything I learned back to you here, we took a vote to determine which doctors would advance to Round Two.  You selected Doctors 4 & 5. I have no problem with that.  They were both great doctors who seemed very capable of taking excellent care of me.

Note: Doctor 1 is still in the back of my mind, too.  I like that she is a she. I like that I told her about my blog.  I like that she was willing to digest everything I learned from all of the other doctors with me.  I had actually made a follow-up appointment with her as well but had to cancel due to a family illness.  She’s still floating around in my brain somewhere. 

* * * * * * * * * *

It was a regular weekday morning around here, except that it was cold. Fall is finally creeping into our Southern part of the world. My husband and I managed to drag ourselves and the kids out of bed and get everyone to school on time.  And then it was time to drag him to his first Boob Doctor meeting.

This morning, we paid a second visit to Doctor 5. He’s the doctor that suggested a lift somewhere between a mini and a full and silicone implants (280 to 300cc).  His practice specializes in breast reconstruction after breast cancer.  My friend, Melissa, came with me last time.  Remember?

When we walked into the building, my husband had the same reaction I did. He said he felt a little out of place seeking cosmetic surgery in a facility that specializes in the treatment of often very sick women.  We sat down and flipped through the pink albums on the tables in waiting area together. I got a better look at some of these testimonials this time around.  I saw smiling faces hailing from Mississippi, Indiana, Missouri, Arizona, Minnesota and California – to name only a few places.  The one word used over and over again in the letters from these women and their families was “hero.”  They clearly had amazing results and relationships with these doctors.

Oh, and did I mention there were cookies? Delicious and pretty pink ribbon almond cookies for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Yes, of course, I had one.  And then they called us back.

My husband and I got situated in the examination room and I found myself tutoring him, whether he liked it or not, about everything I’d learned so far. I spent the most time revisiting everything I learned from Doctor 5 during my first visit. I wanted my husband to be able to speak as knowledgeably as I now could and maybe even help him formulate some questions.

Then, the doctor came in.  He’s a very easygoing, down-to-earth person who I think quickly made my husband feel as comfortable upon first meeting as he did with me last time.  The three of us discussed the median lift that Doctor 5 proposed, with an L-shaped incision, and then talked a bit about the implants themselves.  At my first visit, Doctor 5 talked mostly about silicone and I knew they were his preference.  Still, with all I’ve learned to date, I might just be leaning to saline and wanted to be sure that was also an option with him.  It, of course, was.  He said that if I have any reservations about silicone then I should go with saline … because I need to feel comfortable with everything.

He reiterated his earlier points about not going too big and not going wider than what I’m starting to perceive as my freakishly narrow chest base.  He also explained and emphasized the lengths he takes to prevent infection during surgery.  We basically talked about everything we discussed in my first visit to get my husband up to speed with everything.  It was good having him there.  I think he feels at ease with this doctor and much more part of the process now. He even made a joke about making sure I’m not hooked up to the garden hose to fill up the saline implants.

Do people tend to make jokes when they’re more relaxed or more nervous?  I actually think both are true for my spouse.

One of the doctor’s assistants brought in a few silicone implants for us to handle.  I think it was my husband’s first time feeling them. (At least, I hope it was.)  I could see the scientist in him at work.  And, before he could say it, I jokingly blurted out, “Do you think we could feel a side by side comparison of silicone and saline within the patient?”  Doctor 5 politely laughed my sad, nervous joke, one that he’s probably heard every day since he entered the practice.

Then, we each had questions about insurance.  My husband wanted to know if any complications that arose in surgery would be covered by our insurance.  I wanted to know if he offered any products that came with an insurance policy such as Doctor 4.

And he basically answered our questions together.  The short answer is no … to both. Complications arising from surgery are not necessarily covered and his facility offers no contractual insurance for its work.  However, he added that, to date, he has not had any issues arise either from surgical complications or implant defects. And, while he didn’t discount these possibilities completely, he emphasized that they are very rare.

As far as surgical complications, he said the number one issue is infection.  And he takes such great pains to avoid it that it has never manifested itself in any of his patients.  As far as implant defects, he said he personally guarantees all of his work as well as the products he uses. Thus, if an issue such as a leak arises with one of his surgeries, he corrects it … immediately and at no charge.  It does nothing for him to have a very dissatisfied patient out in the world.

And, after taking up about an hour of this doctor’s time with my extreme thoroughness, we each shook his hand and thanked him for yet another very informative visit.  Then, we gathered our things and headed out.  My husband whispered that it was hard not to look at the boobs of every woman in the office to determine if they’d joined the club.

And we walked out through the waiting room together … but not before I could grab another cookie.

20120407-223706.jpg

Having a little wine in preparation of Round Two


I just got back from ‘Merlot & Mammograms’ at a local winery/restaurant in town. An event benefitting a very worthy cause but unfortunately saddled with a very pitiful name. I invited my friend, Kelley, to come with me and the first thing she said was that it should have been named ‘Boobs & Booze.”  I like hers better, don’t you?  (I’m accepting suggestions for the winery for next year so feel free to comment below.)

I met  Melissa (remember her from consultation five?) and her husband and two of their other friends there.  There was wine and there was cheese so I was good. Very, very good.   Some of the bottles were handpicked and labeled with pink ribbons to indicate that their purchase would benefit the cause. There were also door prizes and raffles.  Melissa and I snickered at the requirement stating that you ‘Must be present to win and must be able to respond to name.’

How much wine did they think we’d be drinking???

It was a fun night … a very easy way to support Breast Cancer Awareness … but now I need to get some sleep. For everyone who has been keeping up, we’ve just entered round two and your votes have been tabulated (from 10/12/11).  Doctors 4 & 5 have advanced to this round.

A follow-up appointment is scheduled with Doctor 5 for tomorrow morning.  And my husband is going.  The voice of reason.  The grounded voice of reason.  The ridiculously grounded voice of reason.  The cautious, ridiculously grounded voice of reason.  You get where I’m going with this line of thought, right?

Anyway, he’ll be there to join me tomorrow, while some other man “handles” me and explains what has to be “fixed.”  I’m thinking that’s got to be weird for a guy.  It’s going to be a very different experience than the girl talk of the previous appointments. And I’ll be putting him through it again with Doctor 4.  My mom is even coming to that one.

It takes a village.

Wish me luck. I expect these next two appointments to be very telling.

20120407-223706.jpg