Tag Archives: kleinpeter dairy farms


Haven’t kept up with the ODNT Kleinpeter Dairy Chronicles? These links should get you up to speed.

Today’s post is in reply to my last letter to Mr. Kleinpeter posted yesterday on ODNT.

Dear Michele,

WOW!! You guys are borderline insane!!

I feel right at home with all of this … and where in the world did someone find the old Kleinpeter commercial???

The girl who did the voice over, way back then, is now our Marketing Consultant!!! I sent this to her, and she is going to have a calf!!!

Two things really stuck out in my mind:

One – Why does organic milk last so long? Because it is heated up to a really high temperature (ultrapasteurized). Makes the milk last for 3 months. Why?  So they can transport it across the country from the manufacturer to the customer. Disadvantage? Unfortunately, it alters the milk protein structure such that the milk passes through the small intestine and is not absorbed there, which is counterproductive to good health. Organic, healthy. Ultrapasteurized, unhealthy. Why do they do this to organic milk? The cows are in California so they can’t get the milk to you still in date without doing it. Ugh.

Two – And MOST important!! Someone suggested us naming a Kleinpeter Calf after you, Michele. Well, here it is!! Michele was born on 5/8 and is a beautiful young Holstein calf, female of course. We don’t put the actual ear tag in for another 2 months because their ears are so tender at this age.

And, yes, we do name every calf born at Kleinpeter Farms. We have 1,300 cows there, and they are not “just” numbers to us. They all have awesome names, like “Michele” now.

How about that??


Jeff Kleinpeter
Kleinpeter Farms Dairy, L.L.C.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You guys, I have a COW named after me!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

That’s way better than Acupuncturist, Televangelist, Global Inter-Office Specialized Communications Manager or any of the other crap I was going to try to pull off at my reunion tonight.

Thanks, Mr. K. You made my week. Oh, and my daughter wants to meet the calf. So, don’t go doing anything crazy with her. I guess at a DAIRY farm a cow is pretty safe … for a while.

Gosh, I hope it doesn’t get too confusing with two Micheles around here. Tell you what. From now on, when you write in to the blog, please be sure to specify whether you are addressing HUMAN Michele or BOVINE Michele. Otherwise, it could get preeeeeetty awkward.


The Kleinpeter Dairy Chronicles continued …

When we last saw our hero, he was just getting back from the beach. Read on for more of the ODNT Kleinpeter Dairy Chronicles with a big mystery to be revealed … just in time for my reunion …. tomorrow!

Hi, Mr. K!

It’s great hearing from you again. And I’m glad to read that you got some much needed respite from work. We all need these little moments to stay afloat in life, right? Just curious … in all of the funny stories you shared with your old pals … did you happen to mention that you’re a superhero of sorts on a crazy woman’s blog? You really need to come check out your laudatory comments. You’ve become a bit of a legend. I’ve written several posts about Kleinpeter to date but it was my original letter to you that won a little contest. Click the following link and check out 4th place. (Yes. 4th place DOES count for something. At least that’s what my mom says. Unfortunately, probably more often than she’d like.)
And, to make things easy for you, I’m including all of the past Kleinpeter posts right here … for easy clicking:
From the second post on is where your praise starts rolling in. And, honestly, if someone sent me a link to a site where I could read excessive extolment about myself, I’m pretty sure I’d get so engrossed in it that my kids would go hungry that week. Sadly … to date … they have yet to miss one single meal. Sigh.
Anyway, like I said before, should you ever need a slightly irreverent copywriter, I’m your man … or woman, as it were. And I really like milk. I think that should be a job qualification, don’t you?


Our Favorite Milkman is Back from the Beach

For those who have been following along, we just got a letter from our favorite milkman … fresh from a trip with his buddies to the beach. And, if you haven’t been following, click the links below to catch up on the ODNT Kleinpeter Dairy Chronicles. It’ll restore your faith in humanity, make you laugh and probably also leave you wanting a nice, tall glass of wholesome, nutritious (Kleinpeter) milk.

No, Mr. Kleinpeter doesn’t advertise on the blog …. yet.

  1.  A Letter to Kleinpeter Dairy Farms
  2. They Wrote Back! The Dairy Company Wrote Back!
  3. Have you hugged your milkman today?
  4. Getting to Know the Charismatic Mr. Kleinpeter
  5. Checking in with Mr. Kleinpeter

In an effort to get the blog up to speed, I’m including his latest two letters in this same post. That’s right. You get two posts for the price of one. Today only! These are the kinds of savings … and more … that you’ll get right here every day at ODNT.

Take that, Mr. Hate-Mail-Writing, Tooth-Loving Dude!

May 11, 2012

Hi Michele,

I haven’t been checking as I’ve been out of town. But, I’m back now!

Sounds like you’ve made me a hero….whew, my forehead is sweating…..

Let me think on the milk copywriting a bit more. I do have a great team here and we’re meeting next week to discuss strategies. I’ll ask the girls, Marsanne Golsby and Melinda Walsh, what they think about this, among the other 20 things we’ll be discussing.

Again, thanks for being our customer, and thanks for the opportunity to discuss this option.


Jeff Kleinpeter
Kleinpeter Farms Dairy, L.L.C.

And then, a few days later, I got this second letter from Mr. K.

May 14, 2012

Hi again,

I’m back from the beach!

Every year, myself and 4-6 high school buddies hit Orange Beach for about 4 days. We used to call it a golf trip, but the golf got in the way of our fun, so now we call it a Gulf trip.

It was great to see some of my pals, some of whom I see just once a year.

The older we get, the more fun this trip is.

Anyway, we made it back for Mother’s Day, all of us, and now we are starting to remember some of the funny things and email them to each other.

We are already counting down the days, only 359 left, until we meet again.

Enough of that, tell me how you won a contest??

I admit, I haven’t checked your blog (leave no bruising please), because when I take vacation, I still work, and 250 emails a day, on the beach, is not easy to handle, but I do.

Please update me,


Jeff Kleinpeter
Kleinpeter Farms Dairy, L.L.C.

Oh, and for the record, I’ve already written him back … and I got a response with some exciting news that I never saw coming. I just might have found an angle for my reunion with which I don’t think anyone will be able to compete.

Stay tuned!


Have YOU hugged your milkman today?

Have you guys been following along? First, I wrote a letter to Kleinpeter Dairy about a problem I had with some of their product. Then, they wrote me back … and even paid me a little visit. Here’s my thank you to Mr. Kleinpeter. Yes, I am milking this topic for all that it’s worth. (Thanks, Anna, for the joke.)

Dear Mr. Kleinpeter,

First of all, I just want say how much I appreciate your prompt and sincere response to my email. I’ve written my share of letters over the years and I have never found myself better off than before I started within just twenty-four hours. You guys are the bomb and I want you to know that I posted an update attesting to that fact yesterday. I’m including the links for the original post and for the update below. Please read them (especially the update) as well as some of the comments when you can. I think I might have earned you a few new customers.

  1. The 1st Kleinpeter post featuring my letter to you … http://wp.me/p1LoLK-1DN
  2. The 2nd post featuring your response to me … http://wp.me/p1LoLK-1E1
You’re a funny man, Mr. Kleinpeter, and I hope your wife doesn’t kill you for the joke you made in your letter. Please be sure to let her know two things for me:
  1. She should never go to bed with make-up on, as it’s detrimental to the complexion and will wreak havoc on the pores. And don’t even get me started on the pillowcases and, in your case, milk jugs.
  2. She should not be embarrassed by all of this craziness. Feel free to point out that I maintain a blog with a word in it that … in your world … is pronounced teats. My website actually gets its roots in boob job research so the tongue-in-cheek title comes from that. Don’t let it fool you. I’m just a regular goofball like the rest of the us.
And my joke about asking you for a job? Well, I really do think I’d be a natural at milk copywriting. It’s a lost art, don’t you think?
Thanks again for being awesome,
P.S. My husband said he went to junior high in Baton Rouge with David & Shawn Kleinpeter. Any relation?

A Letter to Kleinpeter Dairy Fairms

May 1, 2012

Dear Kleinpeter Dairy,

I have been a faithful customer for many, many years. My college roommate first introduced me to your product testifying that your “skim milk was better” than all the others and it “tasted like 2%” because you “use Guernsey cows.” I remember thinking “Whatever” because I had no problem with the taste of the then always-watery-and-oddly-blue skim milk to which I’d become accustomed. Plus, I had no idea what a Guernsey cow was anyway. I was in college studying Journalism, not Animal Sciences … or would it be Bovinology?  The closest I came to anything cow-related was knowing co-eds who claimed to have gone cow-tipping. I never went. I’m scared of a fly, for God’s sake. And it seemed WAY mean to me. I’m pro-cow. Goooooo, cow!

Anyway, that was (cough, sputter) twenty years ago. And now, I’m happy to report that you’re the milk of choice in my house.  You were one of the first to advertise your disassociation with the rBGH growth hormone which, as a mom, won me over immediately. What the heck were these dairy farmers thinking, pumping their cows … and thus our children … with these bulk-inducing, cancer-causing, birth-defect-creating hormones?

Like I said, unless I can’t find your product in the store, Kleinpeter is what I take home in my overpacked, squeaky-wheeled grocery cart every week, sometimes twice a week if it’s a thirsty one. And we’ve never had any problems … until now.

I purchased a gallon of Kleinpeter skim milk on April 25 that listed an expiration date of May 6. We didn’t open it until the previous gallon was finished which was yesterday, April 30, still six days prior to expiration.

And it was the oddest gallon of “milk” I have ever seen.

Strangely enough, it didn’t have much of an odor which enabled me to investigate it more thoroughly than I probably should have without becoming ill. The milk was not white but cream-colored and VERY thick. And chunky.  Just pouring it down the drain was harder than digging ditches. I had to get all up in the jug which, as you can imagine, was a bit of a dirty job. (Hey, somebody call Mike Rowe!)

It was like having a gallon of yogurt in the house. And why you would ever need a gallon of yogurt? Maybe if you were running a Greek restaurant. Or fighting off the mother of all yeast infections. (Have I gone too far?) In any event, it was gross. And, while I am not asking for any financial compensation in return for my trouble, I would like to request a response to my letter as I keep a blog on such things and am posting my letter to you. I’d love to share your response.

As you can see, we don’t take ourselves too seriously around here so feel free to answer as candidly as your mood … and your boss … allows.

Thanks again for your time and … Keep On Milkin’!