Of Pomp, Of Circumstance and Of Dean


He … has all the nerve.

He … stands firm on the ground underneath him.

I … am reticent.

I … am scared, needy.

How will I ever make it through?

It is quite the paradigm shift.

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My boy and me on his 7th grade trip to D.C. last February. With Lincoln, with Washington & with the very residence where I’ll be visiting him about 40 years.

He’ll be the nicest one we’ve ever had.

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Congratulations, Dean. Class of 2013.

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This weekend’s Trifecta assignment? “We are asking for exactly 33 words, 30 of your own and three of the following: topple paradigm underneath nerve honey loop”

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If You See Me Crying This Week …


Can my post today just be a screen capture of a group text I sent to my parents, husband and brother after a brief visit to my children’s school this afternoon?

Yeah, I really think it can.

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I’m honestly considering wearing waterproof mascara to the ceremony. Or possibly none. And did I mention that my girl is celebrating yet another birthday the day before my boy’s big day? My babies are getting too big.

God, but the passing of time blows.

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That Suburban Momma
Aloha Friday Blog Hop

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Ketchup With Us #18


Summer is coming! Summer is coming! And, for many of us, that means traveling more, chilling in flip flops with a freezy drink in hand and, most importantly, breaking from routine. For this reason, it’s the time of  year that people (and by “people” you guys know I don’t mean ME) read more. They’re always looking for books they can grab to read at the beach, on the plane, by the pool or maybe just on the backyard hammock. So that’s what Mel and I are talking about this week. And we want your recommendations.

What do YOU like? … hate? … hear is the next big thing?

I was fifteen when I first discovered him. The assignment? Read three books by the same author. Back then, he had only five. (1) Garp and (2) Hotel New Hampshire. Both also movies. Done. But I needed three. I closed my eyes and pointed. (3) The Water-Method Man. The best of the three and still one of my all-time favorites.

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My original copy, purchased at age 15. It’s still on my bookshelf.

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For a quick explanation of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a writing prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. You can write your entry in any form. We love creativity. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a writer from the previous link-up. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

Kiss My List

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RULES? WHO NEEDS ‘EM?!!?

The rules are … THERE ARE NO RULES! Just guidelines. And we’d love it if you posted our button and followed us on Facebook (Michele /Mel) and Twitter (Michele/Mel).

GRAB OUR BUTTON!

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‘KETCHUP WITH US’ – Prompt 18

In 57 words or less, tell us about a favorite book or author. We’re all looking for good summer reads, right? (I mean … except illiterate me.)

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The Post That Could’ve Been Written By 13-Year-Old Me


I’ve got a song stuck in my head, so that’s what I’m writing about today. Wicked has descended upon the New Orleans theater scene again. And I spent my Mother’s Day with my mom and daughter seeing it … for the third time. And I cried my eyes out during Defying Gravity … for the third time. (I can’t explain it. Maybe my period is coming.) Anyway, as the touring production was arriving, my friend, Vanessa, introduced me to Popular Song which lifts some of its melody and theme from one the showstoppers in Wicked. It was released by British singer-songwriter Mika and it features (because I am listening to the clean version, ladies and gentlemen) the vocal accompaniment of Ariana Grande (from Nickelodeon’s Victorious).

Despite the fact that I am most definitely not 13, THIS is the song I’ve had stuck in my head.

The story line has these two “misfits” addressing the popular kids. They lament about how they’ve never been popular and are only now getting attention from the in-crowd because they sing (professionally, one can only assume) popular songs that these jerks actually like. Who’s speaking … the gothy characters or Mika and Ariana? The song is multi-layered, like a bubble-gum flavored onion. (sarcasm face)

The video was just released a few weeks ago:

So, did you watch the video? Or did you just skip down to this paragraph? Cheater! Watch the video, especially if you know the song from Wicked. They did a good job weaving the original melody in with the new one. But seriously, at what high school IN HELL would these two not be popular? I’m supposed to believe that beautiful Ariana Grande would lose the attention of a boy to the goofy, blonde, horse-toothed, dead girl? Please. Miss Grande is one of the prettiest teenage girls I’ve ever seen. And this is coming from a (static noise)-year-old woman! Oh, and Mika? At the very LEAST, I would think his British accent and talking car would have managed to get him a little social action. I’m really not buying that they’re the dungeon-and-dragony outcasts here.

Still, I LOVE the song and its video. Here are just a few of my favorite lyrics:

Standing on the field with your pretty pompoms
Now you’re working at the movies selling popular corn

You hid during classes and in between them
Dunk me in the toilets, now it’s you that cleans them

You were singing all the songs I don’t know
Now you’re in the front row ’cause my song is popular

DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!!?

Exactly! If I can just get ODNT to be number one on Google … or write a NY Times Bestseller … or (ooh!) maybe win on Wheel or Fortune or something, I can exact my revenge on all the jackasses who gave me a hard time as a kid. Plus, apparently all the cool kids are now pumping gas and scrubbing toilets. (My apologies to gas pumpers and toilet scrubbers who were not mean to me.) Also, I really like the idea of turning these people to stone. Although I might actually want to keep them around to serve as an example for any future jackassery in my life.

Who’s with me?

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A Unique Timeline of My Mother’s Day Morning


7:00am – My first (daylight) wake to pee. Stupid bladder. The kids are still asleep? Perfect. Happy Mother’s Day to me. I’m getting back in bed.

8:00am – Wow. They’re still sleeping? Well, they told me to stay in bed this morning until they came to get me. So, I’ll just do as I’m told. What a compliant mom I am.

8:30am – Okay. Dean’s up. No surprise there. But he’s going to have to wait a while on his loves-to-sleep-late sister.

8:35am – Scratch that. He apparently just woke her butt up.

8:40am – And now, I just need to stay in this room … in this bed … while my two amazing kids make breakfast for me without any help from their (traveling) father. One half of me is thrilled … and the other terrified.

8:45 – I am trapped in my bed in total darkness playing with my phone under the covers so I don’t get caught for not sleeping. What am I … 12???

9:05am – I haven’t heard any bickering. I haven’t heard much of anything actually. Are they shitting me? Did they just want to wake up early to watch TV without me interrupting them about studying for their tests this week?

9:10am – I hear a loud crash followed by scampering feet. May we please observe a moment of silence for my kitchen?

9:20am – Okay. That’s it. I’m starting to get stiff and uncomfortable. My kids wouldn’t want me to be stiff and uncomfortable … especially on Mother’s Day. What if I just get out of bed but still stay in the room? Would that be okay? (Oh, God. I am 12.) Plus, I really have to pee.

9:30am – I’m pushing it …. still out of bed. Brushing my hair, straightening the bedroom a little. God, why can’t I just do what I’m told?

9:35am – Jumped back in bed in case they’re about to walk in. I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Plus how could I ever get away with “I only asked you to do ONE THING and you couldn’t even do THAT!!!” again?

9:39am – Oh, dear God. I just heard the blender. Where’s my rosary?

9:46am – The door opens and the singing begins. They start walking the “long” and somewhat obstructed journey to my bedside carrying the tray together. The delicious-but-stainy beverage nearly bites it. Twice. “Oh, shit!” my mouth wants to shout out but I stifle and just smile catatonically through their shared panic/enthusiasm.

9:48am – Breakfast is served! OMG … and it’s Gluten-Free! My kids actually read labels for me.

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I am told the red jelly represents the highlights in my hair. And I have blackberry eyelashes.

Thanks, Mel, for writing the article that inspired my morning with me. I have the two best kids ever.

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How was YOUR morning?

Happy Mother’s Day to MY mom and to all of my fellow mamas out there.

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Death to Gluten!


The Gluten-Free Diet. It’s the latest health movement to hit the shelves, the market, my kitchen. And we all know what gluten is by now, right?

gluten /ˈglo͞otn/ (n.) – the ingredient in food, especially dessert and bread, that makes it delicious 

Now when I say “diet,” I’m referring to the kinder, gentler form of the word as in “daily regimen” (not “restrictive punishment”). But I’m not opposed to dropping a few pounds. I’ve fought with the same 5-10 SOBs for twenty years. They love me but I keep sending them back to the curb. (One of these days, I’m changing the locks.) It’s just that lately I’ve been feeling not quite myself … as in beaten down, achy, even dealing with a few skin issues. Long story short … everyone keeps touting the benefits of eliminating gluten from my diet. And I figured … if I could eat nothing but baby food for five days … then ditching gluten for the same five (or longer) should be a piece of cake.

Cake?!!? (Why did I have to say cake?)

(underpaid lackey runs in) “Okay, everybody. ODNT, Ditching Gluten, Take TWO!” (clack)

(Back to me) …”And I figured … if I could eat nothing but baby food for five days … then ditching gluten for the same five (or longer) should be a piece of organic, free-range, skinless chicken breast.”

Here are just a FEW things I’ve heard it can help:

  • Eyesight
  • Headaches
  • Sleep
  • Skin Problems
  • Chronic Fatigue
  • Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
  • Depression

So, you know what? I’m trying it. Along with Elizabeth Hasselback, Chelsea Clinton, Zooey Deschanel and a bunch of other “celebrities” I’ve never heard of. It’s already my third day. I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, does anyone want to …

  • offer any helpful tips?
  • slam me for trying it?
  • take bets on how long ’til I cave?

Am I serious?

Well FYI, I had to make brownies for my daughter’s bake sale today …

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… and you wouldn’t believe how fast I grabbed the Palmolive!

Game On, Gluten!

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Ketchup With Us #17


Blah, blah, blah. Ketchup With Us. Number seventeen. Yada, yada, yada. Hosting with Mel. Blah, blah, blah. Mother’s Day edition. Blah, blah, blah. And here’s mine. About a lady who needs NO INTRODUCTION.

Because right in the middle of breakneckedlypacking up THIRTY-SIX YEARS worth of clothing, kitchenware, bedding, electronics, furniture, tools, pictures, books, music and other cherished family artifacts, she stopped to make a practice test for my daughter who had an English quiz the next day.

Because she NEVER says no.

(Well, almost never.)

I love you, Mom.

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Me, between the best moms in the world, future and present. 


For a quick explanation of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a writing prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. You can write your entry in any form. We love creativity. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a writer from the previous link-up. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom

* * * * * * * * * *

The Rules of Play

  1. Submit your entry using the linky at the bottom of our KWU posts.
  2. Follow us on Facebook (Michele /Mel).
  3. Follow us on Twitter (Michele/Mel) & tweet us your entry using #KetchupWithUs.

Grab our Button!

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‘KETCHUP WITH US’ – Prompt 17

In 57 words or less, tell us about a special mother in your life. You can pick anyone you want. We won’t tell.

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Goodbye, 3850 Red Cypress Drive. And Thank You.


This post has been a long time coming. I’ve actually written about a dozen versions of it in my head over the last month. But how do I even begin to tell the story of something that’s been there for as long as I can remember? She’s seen most of my fondest memories. And many of my sadder ones, too. She’s truly a member of the family and always will be. And not one person from my past has been unaffected by the news that she won’t be around anymore.

Yes, I am talking about a house. A home really. My parents are moving out of my childhood home. Today is their last day. Our last day. We’re all very excited about the change and working hard to make the transition as smooth and as seamless as possible. Still, it’s hard to say goodbye to something that’s been in our lives for so many decades.

The house has been in my family since early 1977. Let’s try to put that into perspective.

  • Jimmy Carter was elected President.
  • Elvis Presley was alive (but would die later that year).
  • France was still executing by guillotine.
  • The World Trade Center construction was just completed.
  • Movies like Star Wars, Annie Hall, Rocky & Saturday Night Fever were playing in theaters.

But those are the world’s memories. I was just a wee pup when we moved into the house. I’ve got lots of my own.

(screen goes blurry, sound of harps playing)

My father designed our house. Much in the style of the Swiss chalet he and my mother had come to love. Together, they found a spacious lot on a cul-de-sac in a brand new neighborhood called Tall Timbers. The area previously was completely undeveloped and all of the houses were just going up. Since living there, the amount of raccoons, rabbits, squirrels, possum, armadillos, snakes and so on that my father and brother had to learn to wrangle was innumerable.

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Just another day in the life of our cat, Sodapop. (Yes, she was named for The Outsiders.)

Of course, we had contractors, builders, plumbers, electricians and everyone it takes to build a dream house. But my dad also did a lot of the work himself with his own two hands. I can still remember being a small child and holding up every vertical piece of the railing for him … there must have been fifty or sixty … as he nailed them to the giant beam across the balcony.

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My parents, both of whom had full-time jobs, worked their asses off to get us in to that house. We were living in a crappy apartment complex (where my only real memory was getting pink eye) and it was more than time to go.

The first few nights we slept in the house we didn’t even have furniture there yet. We all just slept on sleeping bags on the floor of the den together. It was a big, beautiful house and it would take a while to complete and furnish lovingly. And nothing … from drapery to flooring to wallpaper to fixtures … was taken lightly. Some of it even managed to stick around for the entire 36 year run.

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Anyone remember where this most unique wallpaper hung?

Of course, with this kind of attention to detail construction and decorating, you would think that the house was a museum. Right? You would think that my brother and I were stymied in our ability to really live within its walls.

But you’d be wrong.

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Take a look at what they let me do with my room.

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And, when that wasn’t enough, I toilet papered the whole thing for a few weeks.

But my youthful antics weren’t confined to my own room. As I flipped through old pictures I found while cleaning out the house, I found proof of party after party they actually allowed me to have in their beautiful home … as a teenager. And they were all a lot of fun but the one that takes the cake was when we hired a band to play in the driveway. My parents were way cooler than I can EVER hope to be.

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Thanks to Facebook, I recently tracked down the drummer (my old friend, Bill) to send him the audio cassettes I made of the show that night.

After leaving for college, I just kept coming back. It was always such a warm and welcoming place to be.

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My parents are turning over the keys tomorrow so today … well, it was hard. It was just my dad and me, puttering around that empty, dark house. I watched him move from room to room, still fixing things, still making improvements. They just don’t make houses like they used to. People either. The immaculate condition in which my parents provided their baby to the new owners is a testament to who they are.

Thanks, Mom and Dad. For absolutely all of it.

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The family who called 3850 Red Cypress Drive “home” (1977-2013)

Taken April 29, 2013

And one more thing, we did something a little silly during our photo session yesterday. The earliest picture we have of the house was in 1976, near the end of its construction with my Dad and brother. Yesterday, we recreated it. ‘Cause we’re a funny, little family.

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Right now, wherever you are, will everyone please join me in raising a glass to 3850 Red Cypress Drive?

She was a wonderful place to live, to grow and to be.

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Old friends, have any memories you want to share? I’d love to hear them.

New friends, welcome to my childhood.

Whoever is last to leave, please lock up on your way out.

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A REALLY STUPID POST Told In Pictures. You Should NOT Read It.


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I’m trying to scare you to get your attention.

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It’s not like I’m passed out somewhere with my tongue hanging out.

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My parents are moving. which is why I’ve been neglecting ODNT lately.

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But I’ve got some ideas planned. So DON’T WORRY!!!

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Until then, I’ll leave you with this entertaining photo I took yesterday.

I’m guessing they mean Sam? Or Alan? Ooh, or maybe Cybil?

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That Suburban Momma

With Hamsters like Herve, Who Needs Coffee?


Picture it. Early Saturday morning. Me, still in pajamas, shuffling into my daughter’s room where she was happily playing on the floor with her hamster, Herve. I sat down beside her to join in the fun.


HER: Wanna hold him?

ME: Sure. (reaching out my hand)

HER: Here you go. (turning her hands sideways by mine to dump him as if he were a pork chop)

ME: Okay. (scrambling to take him as he began climbing into my pajama sleeve at the wrist)

HER: It’s okay, Mama. He does that with me all the time. Just put your hand in your shirt at the top of your sleeve to catch him.

ME: (reluctantly, my biggest concern being my own spastic flailing resulting in Herve’s demise) It tickles. (giggling)

HER: He’s almost to the top. Now, reach your hand up there to get him.

ME: (smiling compliantly, the happy moment interrupted by my very sharp but controlled squeal of pain) $#^&%#!!!

HER: What’s the matter, Mama? Where are you going?

ME: (rushing out to the bathroom) Be right back.

After pulling myself together, here’s how the text thread with Dave went.

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Seriously, he’s always such a good little dude. I couldn’t figure out what happened until …

HER: Mama, what happened? Why did you run out of the room?

ME: Um, well … (recounting the whole embarrassing story )

HER: (attempting to show pity AND stifle a laugh at the same time, rather unsuccessfully) Poor Mama. (patting my head then turning to the hamster) BAD Herve. Why did you bite Mama on the boob? I mean, I know you were starving but …

ME: (interrupting her) Wait. What do you mean?

HER: Oh, he was STARVING all morning. I didn’t feed him when I first took him out and he was going crazy looking for food in my carpet right before you came in.

ME: Viv … why didn’t you tell me?

HER: (shrugging shoulders) IDK. (which is textspeak for I don’t know) And when I put him back in his cage, he went nuts in his food bowl.

ME: Okay. I think I know what happened.


His small animal sweet potato yogurt treats from PETCO look a lot like butterscotch chips. Meaning they are flesh-colored. And sort of … well, conular in shape. Do you see where I’m going here?

His treats look like nipples!!!

Needless to say, I’m (A) not doing the hamster up the sleeve trick anymore without a bra on and (B) switching to another brand of treats right away. Perhaps the apricot yogurt BALLS. (Don’t tell Dave.)

In the meantime, if you see me today guarding my right side … or maybe even clutching my right boob … you’ll know why. It’ll be our little … secret.

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