Bubble, Bubble … No Toil, No Trouble


Fine. I took a few liberties with that infamous Shakespearian line but I did it all in the name of commerce. And soda. So I don’t think he would have minded.

Remember BlogHer13, the conference Mel and I attended in Chicago last July? Well, one of the many great companies we met there at the Expo was SodaStream USA. And thank goodness for that. In the weeks following the conference, we reached out to one of their incredibly cool reps (yes, I realize that sounds buttkissish, but I actually mean it!) about doing a joint product review and giveaway on our blogs … and SodaStream said YES! I immediately had visions of my kids carrying me around on their shoulders for weeks. We were getting a home soda machine!

So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to contain myself when that big box arrived on my doorstep. And I knew their homework and extracurriculars wouldn’t allow us to open it (and give it the proper pageantry) until the weekend. I nearly exploded. Much like a well-carbonated bottle of SodaStream when shaken. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

When Saturday morning rolled around, Dave and I could hardly control our excitement. So we grabbed the big box and ran into the kitchen so we could surprise the kids.

“SODA FOR BREAKFAST!!!”

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We all immediately began tearing through the box and checking out all the flavors inside. (You were very generous, SodaStream. Thanks.) Setting up the machine took literally two minutes. The shipping box was huge because of all the flavor bottles but the machine itself is no bigger than a standard coffee maker. Actually, it’s lighter and smaller than mine in every direction except height. And it doesn’t even plug into the wall. So moving it in and out of a cabinet is no big deal if you don’t want another appliance on your counter.

The kids each picked a favorite flavor: Cola for Dean and Root Beer for Vivien. Dave made both back to back in less than three minutes. And that included clean up and drinking time! They all liked the cola. (I’m going on record as saying I liked it better than “the real thing” but I’m purely a diet soda drinker.) They also loved the root beer. Even my parents, who conveniently stopped by during the taste test, loved it. They said it tastes like old-fashioned root beer, like New Orleans’ own Barq’s brand. There’s no higher praise for root beer in these parts.

When everybody finally backed away from the machine, I tried the Crystal Light Fruit Punch. It was good (“tastes just like Kool-Aid!” says Vivien) and it makes me really look forward to trying some of the other diet flavors like Diet Cranberry Raspberry, Diet Cola with Lime and Diet Green Tea Pomegranate Peach. Seriously, there are over 60 flavors of cola, tea, lemonade, punch, energy drink, flavored water, etc. Or you can omit the flavor and just make your own sparkling water at home. Personally, I’m looking forward to making a little rum punch or maybe a white sangria sometime soon with the Sparking Orange Pineapple. (Who’s with me?)

And speaking of all their flavors, I took this next part about their Sodamix brand right off their website. “Regular Sodamix flavors contain less sugar, calories, carbohydrates and sodium than national drink brands. Regular flavors contain no high-fructose corn syrup, and are sweetened with a blend of sugar and sucralose. Diet Sodamix flavors contain no sugar, no aspartame and are sweetened with Splenda® brand sweetener. Sparkling Naturals are sweetened exclusively with cane sugar.” The flavor bottles sold at SodaStreamUSA.com and retail locations like Target cost about $5-7 per unit and they make 50 servings each. (That’s 10 to 14 cents a glass, no calculators needed.) And, at the end of that flavor bottle, ONE 16.9 oz. container will go into my recycle bin, instead of FIFTY 7.5 oz. cans. You get the idea, right?

Still not convinced? How about this 15 second demonstration video my adorable daughter made of herself using the machine? It’s just THAT easy.

Click HERE to view.


So, let’s recap the SodaStream benefits.

  1. No more flat soda.

  2. Better ingredients.

  3. Less expensive.

  4. More Earth-friendly.

  5. SOOO easy!

Seriously … WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING THERE?!!?

Wait, what? You expect me to just GIVE ONE AWAY? That’s insane. It’s crazy really. Because Mel and I are actually going to give TWO away! (Say thank you to SodaStream, everybody!) Each of the prize packages includes the following items:

  • Fountain Jet – winner’s choice of black/silver, red/silver or white
  • 1 carbonating bottle, reusable for up to 3 years
  • Reusable carbonator to fizz up to 60L of soda
  • Variety 6-pack of popular sample-size flavors
  • 3 full-sized flavors of the winner’s choice

CLICK HERE for a chance to win your own SodaStream! 

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Good luck, everyone. Share the love and tell your friends.

We’ll announce the winners* after the contest closes on Tuesday, October 1, 2013.

*Winner needs a continental US shipping address. Sorry, Greenland. 😦

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In honor of Greenland, we’re celebrating a new holiday here at ODNT!


This post is part of a series. Long story short – I noticed recently that I had no readers in Greenland. As in ZERO. Which is completely ridiculous. And it got me to thinking … Wouldn’t it be awesome to GO to Greenland? I could write a review of the entire country while making new friends along the way. And I could chronicle the whole thing. Right here on ODNT. To follow the dumbassery, please check out the posts that led up to this one.

* * * * * * * * * *

There I was … standing in the middle of the Target parking lot in the rain. If it wasn’t weird enough that I stopped what I was doing every hour to take a picture of my day, I was now jumping up and down laughing (again … in the rain!) because of an email notification I received about a comment left on ODNT.

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Honestly, I expect that many of you are actually jumping up and down with me at this point. What a banner day at ODNT! We literally conquered another country, my friends. (I still contend it should be a continent, by the way. And I am not done fighting for you, Greenland! To quote American Actor Al Pacino in one of his most noted films … “Oh, I’m just getting warmed up!”) Needless to say, I just had to check my stats that very night. I needed to see it … right there on the screen … and then share it with you guys.

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Do you see that, world? THREE!!! I now have three views from the Icetastic Wonderland that is Greenland! Sure, they’re probably all from Dani, which I why I want to officially proclaim today to be … drum roll, please (and, in honor of Greenland, the drum is a qilaat which is made from an oval wooden frame covered with the bladder of a polar bear) …

Dani Henriksen Day!

Today is the day to celebrate like a Greenlander. Kick back with an icehouse brew or maybe just some coffee. But don’t be surprised when you see the bartender put whiskey, Kahlua and Grand Marnier in your glass then set the whole thing on fire. Which reminds me … don’t forget to appreciate the sun today! Greenland goes without it for long periods of time during the winter months and so, as you can expect, it’s literally cause for celebration when it shows its fiery, skin-damaging face again.

So Go! Hug the Sun!! And Happy Dani Henriksen Day, Everyone!!!

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I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop

My Day in Pictures


6am – Waking up when it’s still dark blows.

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7am – This shot is supposed to represent breakfast. Which I made for three people but skipped myself.

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8am – Sometimes I’m jealous of moms living in nudist colonies.

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9am – Finishing up an article and catching up with MamaKat.

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10am – Would someone please put soap on the grocery list?

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11am – Off to a freelance writing appointment. In my RENTAL. Grrr.

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12pm – The welcoming private home where my appointment took place.

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1pm – My lunch from The Green Fork. There’s spinach and avocado in that cup. And I love it. I just can’t always be around people a few hours later. (cough)

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2pm – Thank you, Target, for not being Wal-Mart.

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3pm – Checking my girl out early to make it to her volleyball game.

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4pm – We WON!!! Also … they had NACHOS!!!

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5pm – “Well, your dad’s not home yet so you’re stuck with me. Sorry!”

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6pm – Fish tacos. I’m kinda proud of myself. Of course, if I hadn’t been chronicling my day, we probably would have had Hot Pockets.

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7pm – Getting an estimate on redoing all the finishes in my hideous kitchen.

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8pm – Taking a break from homework to catch up with Herve.

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9pm – “You guys … nobody fed Milo today.”

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10pm – “Mom! You’re finally reading it. What part are you on? Do you know about Vera yet?” my boy to his illiterate mother who managed to put off the book he has so wanted me to read for almost a year now.

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11pm – Because without teeth, what are we really? Turtles? 

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Midnight(ish) – Night, everyone.

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This post was written in response to MamaKat’s weekly writing prompt“Take a picture every hour and show us what a day in your life is like.”

A rock star I’m not. My gig is actually way better.

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That Suburban Momma

My Week Without Stress or Anxiety. Here’s How It Went.


stress /’stres/ n.

  1. a state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life, work, etc.
  2. something that causes strong feelings of worry or anxiety
  3. physical force or pressure

Stress. I absolutely hate this word. Not because I don’t like the sound of it, like cloth or ointment. I really just hate it because it’s one of the most overused words in the English language. And, for the record, I’ll bet the words “estrés,” “le stress” and “stresas” are also sweeping the nations of Spain, France and Lithuania. Because it’s everywhere.

We all have stress, are stressed and feel stressed. We can be stressed out in general or stressed about something in particular. We stress over things but, at the same time, we can be under a great deal of stress. We get stress headaches, stress fractures, and stress knots in our backs and necks. We’re stress eaters. We measure our stress levels with stress tests. And, from there, we graduate to stress management. All the while craving stress relief. Because all we really want is to be stress-free.

And that’s what today’s post is all about.

Remember the conference I attended with Mel last July? The one in Chicago where we made connections with killer companies like Monster and others you’re going to be hearing about here soon? Yeah? Well, one such killer company (which is a weird way to describe them since they’re all about health and healing) is Boiron USA, a world leader in homeopathic medicine, something I’ve been into since becoming a mom. My kids used these natural alternatives as wee ones for everything from colic to teething to cradle cap. And, if they could use them, why not me?

Mel and I met their lovely rep at the Boiron booth and the three of us hit it off right away. I knew it was a match made in Heaven when she handed me a sample of one of their premier products.

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“Wow! Say that three times fast,” we said. “Oscillococcinum, Oscillococcinum, Oscillococcinum,” she replied, with the ease of someone reciting a child’s nursery rhyme.

I was impressed. And now I couldn’t stop thinking of Beetlejuice.

After talking to her a while, we learned that Boiron actually has a whole online catalog of homeopathic remedies for everything from allergies to circulatory issues to digestive problems – to name only a few. She sent us away with a handful of products and encouraged us to visit their website to see if there were any other things we wanted to test drive. (Check out everything they have to offer!) Culling down the choices was no small task but we finally made our decisions. Mel wanted relief from her chronic headaches and I wanted to try something to quiet the voices in my headexorcise my demons … deal with my occasional case of (wait for it) the vapors. Everyone needs a little calming agent now and then, right? (Of course, right.)

So here’s what she sent me:

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Anxious to get started, I dove right in. And did I EVER put that stuff to the test? Here are just a few things I’ve had to deal with since beginning with Boiron:

  • a five-hour visit to the DMV (yes, you read correctly)
  • a three-hour shopping “spree” at Wal-Mart
  • a car accident involving a valet driver wrecking my car
  • a visit to the insurance adjuster, body shop and Enterprise Rent-A-Car
  • a new consultation with an orthodontist for Vivien (yes, she needs braces)
  • a child’s sickness involving a third trip to the doctor
  • single parenting as Dave had a work thing that took him out of town
  • PMS (there I said it, right here on the internet)

Q: Did the alternative medicine work?

A: Well, I would have to say … yes, it did. I was a little sleepy the first day, which probably had nothing to do with the meds. (Next time I have insomnia, I’m visiting you guys, DMV.) From there, I never felt sleepy and managed to move from one unsavory destination to the next without screaming any obscenities and losing my cool. I got a little sloppy with my dosages over the weekend. (That is one thing you really need to remember with alternative medicines. It’s often about maintaining natural levels in your system so the dosages are frequent and consistent throughout the day.)  As such, I did become “highly agitated” over misplacing my cell phone recently. “Highly.” Apparently, my phone is more important to me than my car, Viv’s teeth or cramps. Good to know.

Q: Would I recommend the alternative medicine to a friend?

A. Absolutely. But you need to keep in mind that, just as with prescription medication, every person and every situation is different. And what works for one may not for another. But it’s a very nice experiment that I would encourage anyone to try before considering stronger, more complicated options. What have you got to lose?


 Wanna try Boiron’s Homeopathic Meds for Yourself?

You can win a prize pack of Boiron’s most popular products including Oscillococcinum, Chestal cough syrup, Arnicare, coupons and the Easy Guide to Homeopathic Medicines, their consumer booklet that describes the benefits of homeopathic medicines and lists their full menu of products.

Click HERE to enter.

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Letter #3 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau


This post is part of a series. Long story short – I noticed recently that I had no readers in Greenland. As in ZERO. Which is completely ridiculous. And it got me to thinking … Wouldn’t it be awesome to GO to Greenland? I could write a review of the entire country while making new friends along the way. And I could chronicle the whole thing … right here on ODNT.

* * * * * * * * * *

BUT WAIT!!!

* * * * * * * * * *

Before you read the post below, please check out the following posts that led up to this one:

Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear Me?

Letter #1 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau

Letter #2 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau

OMG, You Guys! Greenland Called!!!


September 15, 2013

Dear Uiloq,

Thanks so much for writing back. I can only imagine how busy an employee of a tourism office that covers such a vast and interesting expanse of the world must be. You are correct about my wanting to visit your country as a travel writer. I review all kinds of products ranging from trendy, high-end headphones to blockbuster horror films to children’s books about underwear. So why not Greenland, right? Of course, right.
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Because you know the area so well, you would likely be a great person to point me in the direction of the cities or regions I should contact directly about a visit. I would love your advice or the advice of anyone there in your office. You guys are the experts. And, with a little luck, I will be one day soon as well. (What an honor it would be to call myself a Greenlandic Expert!) I’ve been reading up on your country non-stop and I’ve learned that all of your cities are established on the coastline because it’s the only area that is ice-free. I also know that Greenland has only two stoplights, both located in Nuuk, your country’s capital. When you google that traffic light fact, my website is now the second listing that comes up for that information (see below).
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Suffice it to say, visiting Greenland to write all about it is definitely at the very top of my Bucket List. (Do you guys know the expression “Bucket List” in Greenland? I’m afraid that term would not translate literally. For that reason, I’ve included a Wikipedia link explaining it here: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_’bucket_list’_mean. Additionally, there was a movie made about this concept appropriately titled The Bucket List starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Are you familiar with these American actors? I heard the movie was pretty good but I never actually saw it myself. Hey, maybe we could all see it together when I get to Greenland!)
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But I digress …
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Yes, I want to visit Greenland. As soon as possible. Ideally, it might be nice to visit on June 21, your national holiday, but I’ll gladly come there any day of the year. Except Christmas (December 25). I’m a mom and I should probably be home for that day. 🙂
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In the meantime, can you do me two favors?
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  1. Can you send me the names and email addresses for the individual cities I should contact about visiting to do a travel review?
  2. Can you please spread the word about my humor blog (OldDogNewTits.com)? I have no readership from Greenland. None! And I’m ready to start seeing that white void (below) turn yellow … and orange … and maybe even some day red!.
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I need people from Greenland to CLICK THE LINK … PLEASE! To read what what I’ve written about you guys so far, click here.

Until then, I’ll keep showing my support and wearing the colors (see below). I can’t wait to hear from you guys. I’m SO excited!
.
Michele Robert Poche
New Orleans, Louisiana
United States of America
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So, for now, I’m putting all my eggs in Uiloq’s basket. Here’s hoping that basket also includes a plane ticket, hotel accommodations and some seriously warm boots. Size 7, please.

Come on, Greenland and Uiloq. I’m DYING to meet you both!

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Ketchup With Us #26


Ever see a movie and just love a scene in it so much that you can’t stop thinking about it? You even dream about it? Except, in your dreams, YOU’RE the star reenacting everything. Singing, dancing, flying through the air, whatever it calls for. (looking around room at the sea of open mouths) Aww, come on. I can’t be the only dreamer here. Seriously?!!? (smoothing hair and skirt to gather self) I think it all started when I was a kid and I dreamed I was Lois Lane in the famous flying scene in Superman. The Christopher Reeve Superman. Sure, he was cute. But, dude, I could fly!


If I could reenact one movie scene, it would be … Oh, screw it. It’s my link-up. I’m listing three.


I’m her. I chose the first duet because the footwear seemed WAY more comfortable.

I’m her. Yeah. Bad footwear. But who cares? I’d reenact it every day if the world would let me.

I’m him. Best footwear ever.


For a QUICK EXPLANATION of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a linker from the previous KWU. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

Mrs. Tee


RULES? WHO NEEDS ‘EM?!!?

The rules are … THERE ARE NO RULES! Just guidelines. And we’d be truly honored if you posted our button on your page and followed us on Facebook (Michele /Mel), Twitter (Michele/Mel), Instagram (Michele/Mel) and Pinterest (Michele/Mel).

GRAB OUR BUTTON!

olddognewtits.com


‘KETCHUP WITH US’ – Prompt 26

In 57 words or less … if you could reenact a scene from any movie, what would it be?

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I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop

OMG, You Guys! Greenland called!!!


To follow the dumbassery as it unfolded, please check out these posts first:

Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear Me?

Letter #1 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau

Letter #2 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau


September 11, 2013

Dear Michele.

Thanks for your email. And I am sorry that we did not answer your email before, but we have had a lot of requests, and have just reached your to answer.
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It sounds very good, that you’re interested in our beautiful country.
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I understand that you want some opportunity to realizes your project. And it is always a pleasure to know that someone would like to do something in Greenland.
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But unfortunately as I wrote, the last several years we have had a really tight budget, which means that we can not give any kind of supporting to any kind projects, which implying all kind of support as traveling, accommodation etc. etc.
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I´ll suggest you to find the informations in our website at the following website, and search for town & regions and you´ll find the contact informations there.
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If you need more of my assistance or have any questions, please write me back.
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Wish you good luck from here.
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Inussiarnersumik inuulluaqqusillunga / Best Regards
Uiloq Mathæussen
Ikiorti ilinniartuusoq / Student assistant
_______________________________________________
Visit Greenland
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Hans Egedesvej 29
Postboks 1552/1615
3900 Nuuk
.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Yes, his English is a little broken. But it is WAY better than my Greenlandic so I’ll think we’ll just stick to my native tongue for our correspondence. I’m very encouraged that he offered some other outlets I can pursue to get my butt to Greenland. (I wonder what kind of shoes I should pack. Uggs make me look fat.) But I also really just want to get some Greenlanders reading ODNT. And I’m thinking I should write him back to clarify.

What do you guys think?

Should I write Hans back?

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I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop

Letter #2 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau


First, we wrote a post about Greenland. Then, we sent them the first letter. Here’s letter number #2.


September 10, 2013

Hello, People of Greenland!

I wrote you guys last week and have yet to hear back from anyone. And I’d REALLY like to communicate with someone at your office. It seems that lately Greenland is all I can think about. I am consumed with Greenland. Greenland rocks! (Not to be confused with the TV theme song for the old Drew Carey show. Although I’m willing to rework the lyrics to “Cleveland Rocks” to apply to you guys if you think it would attract more tourists. P.S. Have I mentioned how much I want to come visit Greenland and write a travel review for your country? I’m just waiting for your call!) 

Anyway, perhaps it’s because I live closer to the equator than you can toss a cat (not that I would ever toss a cat), but I find myself obsessed with Greenland. And I want to invite some Greenlanders to join the party over at ODNT (my blog mentioned in the first email below).

Thanks again for your time. I’m literally counting the minutes until you write back! (Alright, fine. Not literally. But I’m WAY excited!)

Michele Robert Poche

P.S. Greenland Rocks! (How do you say that in Greenlandic? I want to have bumper stickers made. At least one for me anyway.)

* * * * * * * * * *

Now, let’s take a look at that old TV theme song, shall we?

Seriously, how hard would it be to dub ‘Greenland’ over ‘Cleveland?’ Sure, the remaining references wouldn’t match up. But if we wanted to change a lot, we’d probably need to contact the original songwriter, Ian Hunter, for his permission. Great musician, by the way. Love him. I bet he’d do it for us.

Just let me know how you want to proceed. Okay, Greenland?

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Letter #1 to the Greenland Tourism Bureau


Remember my post entitled Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear MeYeah? Well, let the letter writing campaign begin!


September 6, 2013

Hello, People of Greenland!

My name is Michele and I write a humor blog (website) over in the United States, more specifically in New Orleans. Have you heard of New Orleans? We appreciate our seafood as much as you do, except we tend to drown ours in fiery sauces and often serve it with rice. But I didn’t contact you today to talk about fish. Rather, I’m writing because I recently noticed a glaring void of Greenlanders in my readership. As in zero. (See the map below. The darker the color, the great the amount of readership in that territory. Notice Greenland is LILY white.)

 

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For this reason, I featured Greenland today on my blog (which henceforth shall be referred to as ODNT). Here is the link for the featured post. https://olddognewtits.com/2013/09/06/hello-greenland-can-you-hear-me/

As you will see when you click the link (please DO click the link), I explained the problem to my readers and proceeded to share a lot of (oh, let’s just call them) tongue-in-cheek tweets I sent a while ago to Greenland in an attempt to mend fences and nurture our relationship. The backbone of ODNT is, after all, made primarily of humor. Humor and honesty. Plus a little cheese wherever we can squeeze it in.

Why am I writing you today? Well, as I stated in my post, I really want to boost my Greenland readership, even if only by one person. Can you guys help me out? You must know at least one fellow countryman who needs a good laugh now and then. Or perhaps even YOU!

I so look forward to hearing from you guys. Aluu! Ulloq naalluariariuk! (That’s supposed to be ‘Have A Nice Day!’ Thank goodness I didn’t need to say it aloud.)

Michele Robert Poche

P.S. Should you ever need someone to write a travel review of your beautiful country, please call on me immediately. The pictures I’ve come across in my research are quite simply amazing. And, again, I love seafood … although I have yet to try whale. 🙂


Greenland, can you hear us? We’re just dying to meet you!

Stay tunes for more in this series ….

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Hello, Greenland? Can You Hear Me?


What self-respecting writer doesn’t keep up with her demographics? Well … me, for one. But I never claimed to respect myself anyway. Still, it’s been a year since I made the groundbreaking discovery detailed below. And what have I done about it? WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Nothing. I have failed you, Greenland.

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The darker the color, the greater the ODNT readership in that territory. Notice the vast white land mass in the top center. Those are my haters in Greenland.

But I won’t rest until I get at least one reader from the 56,370 people living in your 840,000 square miles! (pausing to think) Maybe if I wrote a blog post about the fact that there are only two traffic lights in all of Greenland. … Seriously, when do you guys change the radio station? Or put on lipstick?!!? Wait! Maybe Greenlanders don’t even wear lipstick! You know, being from different cultures and all.

Anyway, as you may recall, I began stalking you as a country/continent/popsicle more than a year ago. Let’s take a look, shall we?

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Alright, fine. Maybe I got a little silly. It is, after all, what I do best. Which you would know if you ever bothered to read ODNT!! Just know this. I am a persistent pest of a person. And I really want to hear from someone in Greenland. Anyone! And, once I’ve got something ridiculous in my head, I don’t back down easily. Just ask Alec Baldwin.

In the meantime, I’ll start brushing up on my Greenlandic. I’ve already learned a few useful phrases, such as Qanoq ateqarpit? (What’s your name?), Naak W.C-ii? (Where’s the toilet?) and Umiatsiaasara pullattagaq nimerussanik ulikkaarpoq (My hovercraft is full of eels.)

What? Maybe that happens a lot in Greenland.

* * * * * * * * * *

Okay, Greenland. The ball’s in your court. Come say hi! You can reach me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest. Or just comment below. I’ll have a bowl of warm suaasat* waiting for you.

(*traditional Greenlandic soup made from seal or sometimes whale, reindeer or seabirds)

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I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop